Monday, October 31, 2011

Bitch Slap Monday....#3

Now why would your dumb ass run and hide in the closet? 

Halloween means different thing to different people I am the vampire, scarecrow come to life, guts, slasher evil masked man that never dies kinda of Halloween person. I don't do happy ghost, pumpkins or witches.  I mean can we get any better than AMC's horror fest? Nope I think not...hello zombies they are everywhere this year and I cannot get enough. 

Today is my favorite holiday of the year by today I decided that we should give the shout out and the five finger bitch slap salute to all the dumb "Biatches"  in the horror movies. As much as I love some of these chicks sometimes I just want to slap the living shit out of them. I have been on a bender of horror for the last few weeks and I sometimes watch and think what are these friggin broads thinking? I then remember that some {John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Rob Zombie they are masters}of these movies were made/directed by 21 year old sex freaks that are just starting out in Hollyweird, so let's make sure the chicks in the movies are dumb, stacked and most of the time costumed in white 'wife beaters"/blouses/nightgowns so when they happen to fall in water {usually a lake}/roll in ice cubes/wet t shirt scene we can get our jolly's on! Hey man whatever tickles your pickle.
The character always must be willing to shower/take bath after finding out that knife wielding maniac is wandering *neighborhood or has slashed their boyfriend into 85 different pieces.  

Jennifer Love Hewitt  I know what you did last summer
Horrible horrible movie she has just finished rolling in ice cubes  I read the book
no ice cubes were present

Also I have learned that you are to never ever turn your back on killer/maniac pumpkin/or puppets who do the killing for their master.  They will always come back.

I would not swim in a creepy lake during the day so tell me why would you do it in the middle of the night - alone?  When you know not just a few hundred years away from you that 50 campers had been fillet just a few years back....This also goes for taking a damn row boat for a foggy midnight run in the middle of the lake. Dumb Ass!

My favorite is when the girl think she is just gonna make it them BOOM she falls flat on her face and breaks something and is limping away...WHHHHYYYYYY do they continue doing this?  Drives me bat shit know her happy ass is going down and soon as she hits the floor. 

So to all you wonderful babes out in horror land today I salute you for all you do to keep me entertained. Happy friggin Halloween to you.....

 *btw if I saw a 7 foot dude wandering my neighborhood in a f*cken mask and a zip up mechanics uniform a few days before Halloween I would 1. call cops 2.get my Beretta ready for a shot in the hear! But hey that is just me


SoCal Sweetheart said...

lmao!!! this was awesome!!!!! yah actors dont know one thing about being in horror films!

T-Town Tiffany said...

This made me laugh out loud, great post! The classic fall down is one of my favorites for sure! Thanks for stopping by my blog, look forward to reading more of yours. Happy Halloween!

Michael Ann said...

Laughing so hard! Even I, who can NOT sit through a horror flick, know about the fall-down and turning your back. This is good information for if I'm ever in that situation. Glad you are enjoying the festivities!!

We got our yard decorated in scary stuff and spider webs and motion-activated creepy things. My boys are feeling too old to trick-or-treat but the want to scare all the little kids. LOL! (Don't worry, I won't let them...)

Mommy Bags said...

OK how can we forget the dog barking and you not paying attention to why the dog is barking after psychotic killers escapes loony bin

KERRY said...

And this is why I don't watch horror movies!! I'm a big scaredy cat, my heart almost jumps out of my chest!! Uh yeah, get out of the water, don't take a shower, don't drive at night or stay alone in a lonely cabin somehwere duh :)

Christine said...

Hahaha! This post reminded me of the fake trailer "Don't" from the movie Grindhouse:

Happy Halloween!

Ronni said...

Never noticed the white shirts, but you are so right.

Feeling the love......