The stick that changed....

my life. Yep that is exactly what I was thinking last night as my sugar charged daughter  *damn she found my PMS emergency M&M stash* was foaming running up and down the hallway screaming go..go...go...chasing the fur monkeys.  In the mean time I am sitting on the bed trying to hang on to the last 3 brain cells I have left after the tiring day I had with LDG.  I am thinking to myself how the hell I got here? Then I remember it was that damn stick!  Obviously I did not have sex with a stick...well kinda ...oh you know what I mean.

I guess I was just skipping down memory lane with myself....It is hard to believe that almost 2 years ago a plus on an ugly off white stick changed our lives forever.....I remember the day so clearly....I believe it was the Friday after Father's Day. The weeks before that day my whole body was just not my body. I felt super bloated, I was crying at the drop of the hat, could not get out of bed, had zero energy and my boobs were HUGE. I was calling my hubby at work just crying and I could not figure wtf what going on?  I know your probably saying..come on girl figure it out you were prego. That thought never ever crossed my mind.... Let me give you some background. I was married prior to my current hubby never got prego, never had an "accident" in my life time, and was told many years ago because of my bouts with ovarian cyst I was probably going to be able to have kids - the easy way.  I never pushed the subject because I did not see rug rats in my future. I  thought I was to selfish, did not have the patience and really was not to fond of kids.  I was at peace with the thought of not having any and my hubby hated kids so we were alll good. It was hubby and I against the world!
4 months before this all went down I had lost my mother to a horrible battle with cancer. It sucked  - as a family we were side swiped by this horrible POS disease so I just figured it was my body shutting down from that. I had never ever been late you could set a timer to my period, so maybe that should have been the first f*ckin clue that something was amiss.

 During this time I was speaking to my SIL about this and she is like "Girl you sound like you are pregnant." I was like shut the f*ck up their is no way I am pregnant I am just stressed and maybe a little depressed". Three days after that very conversation...I was sitting home bored and bloated...I was tired of crying and decided what the hell let me just take a pregnancy test for the hell of it...what do I have to loose, it is going to be negative anyways...so there.   I drank about 3 sobe diet green teas and peed away on the stick which is kinda hard if you really think about it. I stepped away from the stick and left it in the bathroom.  After what seemed like forever I went in & checked the results.

HOLY SHIT....is that....no it can't be...it just can't be...there is no friggin way that I am knocked up...No way...OK chic get it together....focus...focus...*wave drama hands in front of face* Sparkles...focus..I think I am going to be sick...OK....first thing need to ...call...husband...he is going to freak the f*ck out.....WTF..... I am going to be 40 when I squeeze this kid out..I am too old...OMG....WTF!


Yeah...hello hubby...ymmmm...ok I just took one of those pregnancy stick thingys and it is saying I am positive.... even though one of the light blue lines is really not dark but kinda of faded so it is probably wrong...I got a defective stick......yeah..yeah that is it...right? OK ...don't tell me to f*cken relax....I am relaxed.... please go get me another stick at drug store so I can verify that this is so wrong..the ones that say prego or not prego. No more plus sticks.

Hubby comes home with stick(s), green teas and a very weird look on his face..Chug...chug...chug..pee..peee.....peeee.  This time hubby goes in and checks the stick....he comes out with this shocked and pale face and he shows me the stick. Black and white, no mistake you are pregnant...girl.  To this day I remember a wave of emotions that just kicked my ass. I was scared, overwhelmed and so so very scared. I knew my mom was responsible for this miracle and I know that she had allot to do with this work from "upstairs".  My mom always wanted me to have kids and and I always fought against it.  She was right...It is hard to believe that something we never wanted in our lives could bring us both so much happiness and terror....Life has a way of throwing you some jabs and this one was the mother of all punches.....But you know what I know for a fact we would have it no other way......