Thursday, December 8, 2011

I am going to get.....

slammed for this one. I can just feel it,  but hey this is the reason I started this blog is to get shit out of my head. I have noticed a disturbing {to me} new trend or maybe it was always there and I never noticed it until now.  Couples who do not sleep in the same bed or even worse the same room.

What is that?
Why is that?
Is this even healthy for a relationship?
I have heard  many a conversation were I here the significant other state  - "I kicked my hubby out of our bed/room because I have been sleeping with my son/daughter since he/she has been born and that child is now _______ *insert age* "   WHAT!   Sorry but  to ME that  is wrong on so many levels it is not even funny. It is awesome to love, cuddle and even obsess over your kids and want be with them however to sacrifice your own space and private time with your significant other because of that, quite frankly seems really weird to me. I know peeps that have children sleeping in their bed and the kids are like 7,8,9  - when does this stop?  When is it the right time to cut the aprons strings and give the kiddos some independence?

I guess I was a bad mommy because I shot my kid in her own room at 6 months, we did the co sleep with side crib sleeper from 0 to 6 months and that was it...Hubby and I agreed on this before she was born we were not going to have the kid taking over our bedroom and private sanctuary..We have little left when it comes to our private space and this one was not going to be sacrificed, because when I do not get my 9 hours {yep 9 hours almost every night does wonder for the skin} I am not a very pleasant person to deal with. don't say?

I have heard hat separate bedrooms is a new trend I checked some stats and 1 in 4 couples do this and they say by 2015 most new homes will have dual master bedrooms. All I can say is W-O-W....I would think that sleeping in separate beds/rooms would cause a disconnect in the relationship, there would be not contact and what about the intimacy? I love that I can roll over and get me some nooky if I feel like it. Hubby and I also do allot of communicating in the bed after we tuck LDG into her bed. I would totally miss that if we were in separate bedrooms. I also think that when their is that void in the relationship "things" tend to happen and the eye begins to wander. Maybe it is just me am I crazy for thinking this way?

What do you guys think?


Sarah @ It's a Vol said...

Our daughter has never once slept in our room. NOT ONCE. She was in her crib from day one. Like y'all we made this decision well before she was born. Our room is our room and our space to just be us and put parenting on hold for a minute. I do sleep in the guest room occasionally when DH gets to snoring like a bull moose and I am exhausted, but I bought him breathe right strips and they have helped a TON! I miss having him next to me when I am in the other room or when he is traveling. I guess maybe it works for some people but not us.

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Kim said...

I have five children and we didn't co-sleep with any of them. Our youngest is adopted from China and I thought maybe I should do it differently with her (next youngest is 8 yrs older), but after a few nights of her in our bed...NOOOO! Couldn't do it. My brother and sister-in-law sleep in different rooms because my nephew has always slept in bed with them, but now that he's 11, YES I SAID E-L-E-V-E-N, my brother has been booted to another room! WHAT???

I totally agree with you!

Cyn said...

okay i have to admit that while my daughter is 2 1/2 & goes to bed in her crib every night -- at some point -- usually 1-2 am -- she ends up in bed with us... BUT we do sleep in the same bed & do have our *bonding* time after she goes to bed @ 7pm.
coming in our bed is totally our fault but we would NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ask one another to sleep elsewhere.

and dual master bedrooms? how ridiculous! if you wanted a roommate then why the hell get married?!?!?!

Annie@Letters to Mo said...

I already TOLD YOU to get out of my head and stay out, missy! I just wrote a guest blog piece (I'll hit you up when she publishes it) about marriage centered family which is basically a fancy name for the husband/wife relationship comes before the parent relationship. This is blasphemous in our child obsessed culture.

We bed-shared as a family until Cash was about 7 or so months old and then he was moved to a crib. Now it's back to just Papa and I in bed together. I think there are times where your child's needs come first and there is nothing wrong with that. People just have a hard time remembering that period does end. And it should end sooner than they think.

Every family is different, but for me, my 4 month old needed to sleep in our bed. A 4 year old does not.

And selfishly, I would gladly kick Henry to his own room because I love sleep and don't want to be woken up by snoring or him taking my blankets and I hate being touched when I sleep. That being said, I would never dream of actually sleeping apart because it would be harmful to our marriage to do so.

Mommy With Selective Memory said...

I agree! Hubby snores so we slept in separate rooms until my little guy was four months old. It wasn't fun at all and it made a big difference when I moved back into our bedroom. It's a MUST!! :-)

Ronni said...

When I was pregnant with Aidan, I HAD to sleep in a separate room. I was getting so little sleep b/c of discomfort and my bladder, and Aidan's dad snored like eight bitches on a bitch boat. If I didn't sleep in the other room, I'd have been even more exhausted than I was.

So it works for some people. Especially older people--I see that happening with them a lot.

MamaBear13 said...

I joke with Mini's dad that I need my own bed because he a)steals the blanket, b)snores and makes all sorts of weird noises and, c)steals alllll the space so that he is either on top of me or pushing me off. Literally. But I could never imagine him not being next to me so I deal with it and make the most of it ;).
And if that's all the case, I must be the worst mama... I let Mini sleep in a bassinet next to me for about 2 weeks and then he was off to the crib in his room. It was sometimes tough and there were those nights where he'd end up joining us in bed, but for the most part, I need my space and he needs his. I won't even stay in the same room as him at my parents'. I wake at every coo, turn over, breath... it'd be a rough night haha.
What a weird trend! And the 1 in 4 statistic is insane...

Andrea said...

Eventhough he snores, I share the bed with my husband! The kids and I do enough stuff together that I need some space at night, and I can't imagine pushing the big guy even further away! Wow! I didn't know it was a trend!

Mommy Bags said...

I know right 1 in 4 then why get married. I see it as a temporary thing if the child is sick or the hubby snores but to have completely 2 different bedrooms kinda weird to me

joeh said...

Ex-wives should sleep in different STATES!!

But Mrs. Cranky ain't going no where.

Cranky Old Man

Michael Ann said...

This is not good for any couple and is NOT GOOD for the children. It does them no favors. This shit makes me mad, actually. I could care less what two married people want to do as far as sleeping arrangements, but when it's about a kid taking over for one of the parents in the bed, that is just plain wrong.

Ixy said...

That is craziness - I've heard of some older couples sleeping apart because of health issues (like really bad snoring), but 1 in 4 is pretty extreme.

Like Cyn said, if you just wanted a roommate, why get married? Our 17 month old flails around like a dying fish if we bring her into the bed, so it doesn't happen very often.

I don't mind having some family cuddle time now and then, but not all the time, and I certainly would not kick my husband out of our bed so our daughter could sleep with me! Bizarre.

My Beautiful World said...

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Always Wendy

Blyro's Books said...

I have met couples who sleep in separate bedrooms. I thought this is weird. There is a solution with snoring either. If my husband decides us to do this (sleep in separate bedrooms), I'd suggest him a separate house too:)

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Actually Mummy said...

My kids have never slept in my bed, they would keep me awake too much. However my husband is a fidget and also keeps me awake so usually we are in separate rooms - it actually makes our relationship better, because as you say - tiredness is a killer of any decent relationship! Found you on Follow Friday 40 and over!

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