Thursday, December 1, 2011

What uppy up...Guest Post

I first got into blogging in order to get rid of all the snarky and weird thoughts that were swirling through my twisted little mind....In the process  I have come across some AmAzInG people and blogs. I have made some wonderful connections and I was just glad that there were other  freaky {in a good way}people out there like me.
Made me feel a little less crazy. So one day I was trolling some blog hops to see what was going on and I stumbled upon the super fabu   http://www.letterstomo.com/. She is writing this blog to her son Cash and it is hilarious.  Annie also has a swagger and an honesty that is refreshing. So without further adieu - I introduce Annie......
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I'm Annie. I'm goofy and curse a lot and suffer from way too much road rage.

This is me. I totally picked a picture that makes me look both skinny and hot.

I'm also Mama (a kick ass one) and a blogger, so I guess that makes me a mama blogger (shudder the thought).
I started my blog, Letters to Mo (hint....my son's name is not Mo) over a year ago now and write it as love letters for him to read when he grows up. He is my audience, even though right now he is about 4 years away from actually reading. So I write for him. And it happens that some other folks enjoy reading as well (you hear that, Mom! I've got a few readers other than you!).
This is Cash, aka Baby Mo. Yes, he really is the cutest baby in the universe.

 Recently I started reaching out and connecting with other mama bloggers and checking out some "mommy blogs". While I've "met" some awesome chicks and have a dozen or so blogs that I now check in with every day, I'm gonna go ahead and put it out there: I hate mommy bloggers. And these are the reasons why.

1. They are in their 20s and even after having children, manage to look like they are on their way to be the body double for a Miranda Kerr bikini calendar. I'm in my 30s and look like the before picture for a tummy tuck advertisement. Speaking of which, hey mamas! I'd like to bitch slap you for always talking about "baby weight" as if that was the real body concern after baby. No one tells you the real problem isn't losing the weight, it's somehow convincing your folded over pancake like stomach with a roadmap going across it to somehow tighten itself back up again.

2. They include "What I Wore" posts. They have sparkly dangling earrings (how do their babies NOT rip those out?) and fantastic shoes that I drool over. And they look cute. Like they just stepped out of a Forever 21 catalog.  Where as I look like I just stepped out of a JC Penney catalog. And am usually covered in some type of bodily fluid that isn't mine. I keep checking out People of Wal-Mart to make sure I haven't been featured.

I personally thought Jessica Simpson ROCKED the mom jeans.


3. Giveaways, giveaways, giveaways. I get it. You have paid sponsors and you have to write up a column about how awesome their product is and you use lots of exclamation points to do so (ever notice you never read a bad or even lukewarm review?). And I'm the queen of cheap, so I like free stuff too. But if I go to your blog and the last five posts are all product reviews and giveaways (yes, we get it, Butt Paste is really wonderful, thanks for letting me know) it turns me off. Don't you actually have anything to you know, say?


4. Bad writing and cliches. If I have to read one more blog where the writer describes her son/husband as a "rock star" I think I'll puke. Really? Your 10 month old son is a "rock star"? I'll warn the Biebs. And yes, your husband is your soul mate and it is just *so* cute that you met at church camp when you were 16 and are still together and oh, what's that, he looks so cute in his work clothes? Newsflash: you are supposed to love your husband. That isn't news. Oh, and remember, spell and grammar (that's grammar with an a, not an e) are your friends.

So yes, I'm a bitter Mama Blogger who rocks jeans from Kohls, has a house that is affectionately known as the crap shack and has a husband who is kick ass but will never be referred to as a rock star. If you want an alternative to the mommy blogger, come on over.

15 comments:

Sarah @ It's a Vol said...

Giggle*Snort*

I'm in my 20s (only for the next 13 months) but hey, I love me some JC Penney! :) As for what I wore, ummm the same five outfits on repeat, because I am A) too fat for my prebaby clothes and B) too busy/ depressed about being fat to buy new ones. Accessorizing has never been my thing -- biochem I get. Shakespeare? Sure. Accessories? Not a Clue. Also, I have a deep and unfounded hatred of butt-paste. I might need Freud himself to figure that one out!

Great post! Thanks MB for the new blog to follow and to Annie for being... refreshing!

Mommy Bags said...

Right she is awesome and she tells it how it is and I love that because no one is perfect...shit I did a whole post about what an a88hole my toddler is becoming....

Susan said...

Right after this comment, I am heading to your blog! You're just my kind of blogging mom. :D
Susan
http://75percenthippie.blogspot.com
http://happyhippieheart.blogspot.com

Mommy Bags said...

I know right....

joeh said...

Hay, i'm a 65 year old dude, you think it is hard being a mommy blogger, try doing it in a testosterone coma!

Cranky Old Man

Erika said...

hahaha.
I LOVE letters to Mo.

Annie is SUCH a rockstar (for real!)

Ronni said...

Wow. I think I love Annie. I'm going to her blog now. Thanks for featuring her.

Jennifer said...

Definitely no longer in my 20s and most assuredly will end up with the flapjack belly after this most recent pregnancy is finished. **sigh** It is SO NICE to see and read about another mother like me. LOL. Definitely found a new follower in me. Thanks for sharing!!

KERRY said...

OMG you are hilarious!!! I can see why Mommy Bags adores you :)
Yes you do look skinny and hot, you make SpongeBob look so square and yellow.
I'm not your 'typical' mummy blogger either, no What I Wore Wednesday posts for this mumma, not unless you wanna see me in my pj's and joggers lol cause my feet are aching from a day of shopping yesterday...oh, and I'm not 20 something (sigh) but a proud 30 something (Ok, 34) just to be precise ;)

Caffeinated OC Mommy said...

OH. MY. STARS! Cups Up and my brightest hot pink lipstick to you Annie Darling! xoxo

MB Darling, another Mama for the damn Google+ circle... lol xoxo

Michael Ann said...

You've earned a new follower here, Annie! My kind of mommy blogger too. I am way older than all of you and I have, gasp, TEENAGERS! And the flapjack tummy only gets worse my friends. I think the only cure is a tummy tuck. Saving my pennies!

Lady Goo Goo Gaga said...

Very funny - if you enjoy snarky inappropriate moms that make rude comments about other moms, dads and their babies - come on over!!!
LOL!! I am totally with you on the rock star stuff.....

http://lgoogoogaga.wordpress.com

Mommy2¢ said...

I'm sold! LOL ;)

♥AdamAlexMommy.com♥ said...

i love updates on celebs. cindy looks amazing, doesn't she?

hope you have a great wknd.

jasmine

Krista said...

love this post! I totally agree with the give away thing! I'm like hi i want to read about stuff in your life, not about how you love ridiculous product x and are giving one away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but im probably one of the mommy bloggers in her 20s who is like oh hey i look awesome ;)

I think this post makes you a rockstar... ohhh cliche!

Feeling the love......