What uppy up...Guest Post

I first got into blogging in order to get rid of all the snarky and weird thoughts that were swirling through my twisted little mind....In the process  I have come across some AmAzInG people and blogs. I have made some wonderful connections and I was just glad that there were other  freaky {in a good way}people out there like me.
Made me feel a little less crazy. So one day I was trolling some blog hops to see what was going on and I stumbled upon the super fabu   http://www.letterstomo.com/. She is writing this blog to her son Cash and it is hilarious.  Annie also has a swagger and an honesty that is refreshing. So without further adieu - I introduce Annie......
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I'm Annie. I'm goofy and curse a lot and suffer from way too much road rage.

This is me. I totally picked a picture that makes me look both skinny and hot.

I'm also Mama (a kick ass one) and a blogger, so I guess that makes me a mama blogger (shudder the thought).

I started my blog, Letters to Mo (hint....my son's name is not Mo) over a year ago now and write it as love letters for him to read when he grows up. He is my audience, even though right now he is about 4 years away from actually reading. So I write for him. And it happens that some other folks enjoy reading as well (you hear that, Mom! I've got a few readers other than you!).

This is Cash, aka Baby Mo. Yes, he really is the cutest baby in the universe.

 Recently I started reaching out and connecting with other mama bloggers and checking out some "mommy blogs". While I've "met" some awesome chicks and have a dozen or so blogs that I now check in with every day, I'm gonna go ahead and put it out there: I hate mommy bloggers. And these are the reasons why.

1. They are in their 20s and even after having children, manage to look like they are on their way to be the body double for a Miranda Kerr bikini calendar. I'm in my 30s and look like the before picture for a tummy tuck advertisement. Speaking of which, hey mamas! I'd like to bitch slap you for always talking about "baby weight" as if that was the real body concern after baby. No one tells you the real problem isn't losing the weight, it's somehow convincing your folded over pancake like stomach with a roadmap going across it to somehow tighten itself back up again.

2. They include "What I Wore" posts. They have sparkly dangling earrings (how do their babies NOT rip those out?) and fantastic shoes that I drool over. And they look cute. Like they just stepped out of a Forever 21 catalog.  Where as I look like I just stepped out of a JC Penney catalog. And am usually covered in some type of bodily fluid that isn't mine. I keep checking out People of Wal-Mart to make sure I haven't been featured.

I personally thought Jessica Simpson ROCKED the mom jeans.

3. Giveaways, giveaways, giveaways. I get it. You have paid sponsors and you have to write up a column about how awesome their product is and you use lots of exclamation points to do so (ever notice you never read a bad or even lukewarm review?). And I'm the queen of cheap, so I like free stuff too. But if I go to your blog and the last five posts are all product reviews and giveaways (yes, we get it, Butt Paste is really wonderful, thanks for letting me know) it turns me off. Don't you actually have anything to you know, say?


4. Bad writing and cliches. If I have to read one more blog where the writer describes her son/husband as a "rock star" I think I'll puke. Really? Your 10 month old son is a "rock star"? I'll warn the Biebs. And yes, your husband is your soul mate and it is just *so* cute that you met at church camp when you were 16 and are still together and oh, what's that, he looks so cute in his work clothes? Newsflash: you are supposed to love your husband. That isn't news. Oh, and remember, spell and grammar (that's grammar with an a, not an e) are your friends.

So yes, I'm a bitter Mama Blogger who rocks jeans from Kohls, has a house that is affectionately known as the crap shack and has a husband who is kick ass but will never be referred to as a rock star. If you want an alternative to the mommy blogger, come on over.