I am....

ED the FUCK out.........................THE END

Why open houses...........

SUCK.......I am not an uber crazy when it comes to manners - yes I expect my daughter to say GBY after a sneeze and to say may, please and thank you all of the time but hey we have all been caught up in a burp and fart once in awhile but when it comes to opening your home to strangers some of the things that I have seen done are enough to drive me bat shit CRAZY......Remember people you are coming into someones home MY home a home we still live in this is not an empty house that is staged -  it is a home that I cook meals in, work and do the family thing in.  So show it some respect!

• Wipe your feet I am not asking you to remove your shoes but please have some consideration when you see you have some grime on your shoes

• I understand that sometimes you need to use the restroom during the long looky look at houses day - I have placed a sign that you may use the guestroom downstairs not the one in my personal master bedroom - and please flush nothing is more unappealing than finding stranger urine in your toilet ball - jerks

• You may look inside the closet just please do not touch my shit - I had to place note in closet so people will not do this 
• Don't bring your dogs to open house - what the f*ck are you thinking? I LOVE DOGS - however my dogs are territorial and my dogs have never had fleas I spend allot of money to make sure they don't get fleas -  I do not need your dog coming into my house with them - and HELLO little rat dogs have a tendency to piss and shit wherever so please keep your dogs at home

• CONTROL your kids if you bring to the open home- When we were touring ours I left my daughter with my brother. I understand some families do not have families accessible and if have to bring them please watch them. If I catch a kid jumping on my bed with shoes on I will be pissed! Why do I say this becasue I have seen it with my own very eyes. I have seen parents playing on peoples bed with their kids...really WTF OH AND by the way last time I checked this is not a friggin playground!

• I am selling my home NOT what is inside my drawers keep your nosy asses out of our SHIT! Also do not TOUCH my daughters toys she has gone through many changes in the last few weeks and has gotten very OCD about her toys please have your devil children keep their hoofs off.....
• I know that your are doing the open home tour but damn people could you possibly try and just put yourselves together - I am not asking you show up like this but those DAMN pajama pants come one people wtf take some price in what you look like. Nothing turns me off then a person who just is that lazy 

Remember yes I am selling my home however until you start making the mortgage payments it is our home {or banks if you want to be all technical and shit}.  

Let the chaos.....

Love my hubman but last night this almost happened to him.....

begin......so as you all know we found a house - but me being me until I receive those keys I won't believe it however in the mean time I need to start doing some work to get shit on our house which is being sold moving.  We will be doing a brokers open this week which means my whole life is now controlled by a bunch of real estate people. I keep my home super neat however with 2 dogs and a toddler trying to keep a house in tip top house hunter viewing shape is going to be one big pain in the ass. Moving sucks  - we all know this some of the biggest stress beside child birth and marriage and at this point I would do either again just to get out of moving. When you are a type A OCD person too much chaos floods the mind and makes you insane.   Add that I am a pmsing bitch right now and all I want to do is sit in the corner and cry. Why oh why are we some women ruled by such hormones and emotions every friggin time of the month????? This whole weekend we spent time fixing little things on our house and making sure that everything was working - I also has to take a trip to Home Depot which is one of the places I hate to shop. Have you noticed that their is never anyone around to help you out. You'd think with the fucked up confused look on my face someone who put me out of my misery...lol

Today I have a team of ladies helping me uber spring clean the place I am talking bleaching down the baseboards ala Gypsy Sister kind of way. Steam cleaning of couches and stair carpets -  add a construction worker on the back deck patching some holes and I am ready to blow.

I fucking hate Mondays

Their is no place.....

This is for April - May/June/July add 200,000 to listing price in
certain areas - then proceed to add another 166,000 or so for over bidding on the
list price - OH yah and did I fail to mention that most of these a**holes make cash offers? Did
I also mention that some of these house are literally dumps and need a shitload of updating even before you move in?  

like....Holy shit we actually found a house and WTF I will never be able to shop for a handbag EVa again......We are currently in escrow and praying to the casa gods that the appraisal  comes through in our favor. This house has already fallen through escrow with a previous buyer becasue some nut job at the bank decided to use and out of state friggin appraiser....  Mmmmm...... HELLO anyone out of the of Northern California area or perhaps Manhattan does not understand how much over asking some of these dump houses are going for. In some cases we were in bidding wars with folks who in some cases over bid by 200,000 thousand dollars and we are talking about 1,500 square feet people...not 4,000....1,500 square motherf*ckin feet. I am emotionally, physically and mentally spent. Hubby and I have bickered more in the last 2 months than we have in our whole 14 plus years together. Home buying is stressful enough you add the volatile market we are in and you might as well hook and IV of wine to my arm. So now we are playing the waiting game, financing is good now it is all up to the appraiser.

I have started getting stuff ready for the move getting rid of stuff we no longer need. I have an awful lot of planting and reorganizing to do. I have a photographer coming this week to take pics of the old home front then we have a brokers open sometime next week. Then a couple of open houses.  So I have been running around like a bat out of hell. I have had GG home for the last week because her classroom had a lice victim, as soon as I found out about that I pulled her ass out of class for 7 days. YES extreme but all I needed to add to this crazy mix was lice and I would have jumped off the cliff.  I guess lice is common in school I however am a little OCD and having something like that around me would freak me out. I mean my dogs have never even had fleas! I guess all the preventative work I have been doing for the last 2 months has worked. I ordered preventive shampoo and tea tree oil as soon as I heard the word lice a few months ago from one of the teachers.   I am itching just blogging about this right now. NEXT

They also say when it rains it pours. GG has been super busy with go sees for her modeling she has another one today { a big one} so keep fingers crossed. Believe it or not she really enjoys it and I told her when she no longer wants to do it we can stop. But so far the little fashionista as she has been nicknamed at preschool is loving it and all she is going to make will be headed to her college fund....except for a few bucks that I promised her for her favorite place the dollar store//!?! It is exciting closing a chapter and starting a whole brand new one - I am ready for the change....Marin county was a great pit stop met some really great and fantastic people  and some I just soon enough forget.

Watched out for some future fantastic posts on the HELL which is moving {hopefully}

Cheers

The Melting Wives.....

of Orange County.... So last night I was sitting by my TV as I do every Monday night to watch the train wreck that is RHOOC. And I am watching in horror as I do every friggin week and I am shocked at the amount of plastic surgery that has hit these gals in the last few years.  It is shocking  - I mean Gretchen's  face no longer moves and her lips - what in the holy hell has happened to her lips? Her face did not move last night?  She used to be one of the better looking ones in this crowd of hyenas but lately she looks like she is going to melt!

I mean Vicky looks like some kind of weird science project gone wrong- hello isn't plastic surgery supposed to make you look better?

Now I love me some Heather I love the way she dresses and stands out form the usual tacky mess that is called the RHOOC "fashions" - Hello Gretchen you hearing us you are not a fashion do you are a fashion don't - fo reals. But I swear Heather's eyebrows are going to be in her back soon if she does not chill with the botox...When you meet resistance STOP

Alex is beginning to look more and more like a a total plastic mannequin what the fuck is going on with her face and do her kids recognize her anymore? 

Now I am not a huge fan of Tamara but she seems to be the only one that has gotten better she looks allot less trashy than she used to.....her boobs look fab and she seems to be the only one that actually works out for that awesome body. 

So far I am loving Ms. Lydia and it looks like she might be all natural.  I am really hoping that being on this show does not make her lose her mind and go down the cat path but I feel that she comes from a hippy pot smoking mom she might be a little bit more grounded.

Warning ladies if you don't stop with the cutting, plumping, botox and overall fucking around with your faces your future might look something like this......