Sunday, March 4, 2012

Am I missing the wedding

*Before I proceed with this post this is MY opinion-mine only.  This is how I see it from my eyes if you have learned anything from reading my posts I pretty much lay it all out . This is a point to a blog to be as honest as you can and not sugar coat it just to make everyone out in blogland happy. I have placed the word SOME which means NOT all people think and/or are like this. Just feel the need to clarify this point so I do not get hit with hate emails from the wedding planning brides.

Did I not get the wedding planning gene? Is it something that was not placed in my body when I was born? Is it weird that I cannot stand bridal magazines/sites and  I have never in my life said that I want to look like a princess and I have been planning my wedding since I was 4 - is that even possible? Can you have a memory at 4 about your friggin wedding? Shit I probably was playing in trees and in sand boxes at four I was not sitting in a corner with a bridal magazine trying to figure out themes to my future wedding which could/or could not have happened in the foreseen future. I mean their is a trend were women are booking/paying for their wedding just insert groom when groom happens to appear. I watch a movie like Bridal Wars and I think wow what a couple of assholes instead of ahhhh what a couple of sweet girls who just got caught up in bridal fever. Am I weird because I do not get why some people spend up to 2 plus years prepping for one and when they do all they can do is friggin talk about it to the point of nausea before and after the event? I am not insensitive I know that this is a special event in someones life but I feel brides and now some couples spend all this time prepping, planning/blogging about the damn wedding they do not stop and think if the person they are about to marry is suitable as a life long mate.  Some people have become so "brainwashed" by the perfect wedding they do not think "hey is this person I am marrying someone I want to wake up to first thing  in the morning and the last face I see before I go to sleep for the rest of my f*ckin life?" With shows like Say Yes to the Dress, Who's wedding is it anyways and the worst one Bridezillas. It is hard not to see what some people really think of the sacrament of marriage. In the last 8 years most of the weddings I have been to are now couples going through a divorce. With the divorce rate at 50% nationally and 56% in my county it is just plain scary.
I think marriage has become such a let's have a wedding no big deal if it doesn't work we can divorce kind of thing - 12 months of marriage is not trying to work it out} with people putting more thought into their damn favors than they do to as why they are getting married in the first place. I  have seen  people who were not able to pay their monthly car payment but spend a shit load of money on a wedding dress to be worn just once to turn around and then go out to buy another dress because they did not like the first one they bought.

Oh and I know that some of you are thinking ......She is  just jealous because of blah,blah and blah {which by the way is the go to excuse for anyone who doesn't like to hear the truth}. Nope sorry can't say that I am. This is not my first rodeo I have been married once before and let me tell you if I had sat down and really thought about WHY I was marrying this person I would not have a divorce under my belt. I was young{21}, dumb and full of innocent spirit that thought I would be married forever {lasted 8 years}. If I had to do it all over again I would have never married so young. I hate to admit this{f*ck) but I should have listened to my dad. He knew that my first husband was not the mate for me. But I was {what I thought} was in love and my mom got so wrapped up planning the damn wedding - it was all her the first time around she wanted the wedding to be perfect {there is that damn word again} I failed to see the warning signs. Second time around I was lucky and found the love of my life the person I was supposed to be with. When we decided to tie the knot after being/living together for 6 years we decided that it would be a party we spent very little time planning which equaled no stress it and it was a blast! Ceremony was 7 minutes long,  enough to share our vows get blessed and then it was party time which meant open bar before the ceremony and open bar through out the wedding. Yes we cut the cake but we did not make everyone stop what they were doing to watch us cut the damn cake. We had music throughout the night and most of out guests were dancing before dinner was even served.  Celebration = fun, not some uptight obsession of having to have everything "perfect" whatever perfect is based on what stupid bridal magazine/website is deeming "perfect" today. But hey the bridal industry is a billion dollar business so someone out there is feeding into the bullshit.

Maybe I miss hearing about couples who have been married for 47 years or the newscast I saw the other day about the couples who has been married for 85 years....Now that to me is trying.


joeh said...

You need to get OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

Cranky Old Man

Annie@Letters to Mo said...

We are the same person...I was also married young (20) and got divorced after 8 years. The second time around is much better....

The hubs and I got married at the courthouse and then had a small party for friends and family. That's it. Simple, cheap, fun. No one had to worry about which fork to use. No black tie.

Marriage is hard work. People don't always tell you that. But marriage can be really hard sometimes. Somedays I honestly want to punch him. Somedays I honestly wish I wasn't married. But the next day I am reminded of why and we are back to being in bliss again.

People tend to think that the grass is greener on the other side because the other side is exciting and fun, where you know each other inside and out and pick up after each other and pee with the door open, all killing the romance. Then you leave your spouse for the other dude and suddenly they are leaving their crap out and burping and you realize they aren't price charming, either.

My parents have been married for over 40 years and I was raised with the value that marriage is for life. And I believe in that. I cringe (and want to hit) when I hear someone talking about "falling out of love"...Bullshit. Love is a choice we all make everyday. We all should be working at staying in love. Somedays that is no work at all, somedays it is a lot of work.

Marriage is for life. If you can't accept that, then don't get married. If you don't want to do the work, don't get married. If you think divorce is an option, suddenly it is your only option.

The hubs and I live under the rule- divorce is not an option. So we might as well suck it up and get along because we know this shit is for life. So why waste time being asshats to one another?

Now I've rambled on long enough, but you touched on a topic that is dear to me, so Mama thinks she'll be making a blog post about this one! With credit to you of course, my dear!

And agree with COM- stay out of my head!

Im A Silly Mami said...

I'm with you girl. Even my first wedding I thought planing a wedding was a PITA. First one I was 29 and apparently very blind and naive. I had the traditional wedding he changed as soon as we said I do, became abusive and left me wondering WTF happened. He was a total Ahole and I divorced his ass 2.5yrs later-not soon enough.

Second time around hubs and I got married in St.Lucia. Could care less with the BS of planning a wedding. So far this one is working out - just celebrated 7 years but there are times when I want to kick his ass!

cyn said...

i am so with you -- i want to have that bridal gene but try as i might -- it just never feels right.

i also got married very young -- 22 -- it lasted a mere 2 years. so i do not take marriage lightly.

hell bri & i have been engaged for well over a year & i have not made one plan. i am obviously draggin' my feet & it is ME not him.

but i could never imagine spending the amounts of money that people do on weddings. it is ONE day!!! and it's sucha blur that the only people who really enjoy it are the ones who didn't pay for it.

Andrea said...

Ok and I don't understand the need for a wedding planners to tell you what you need regardless of what your want...and what is "in"... Who caresut a down payment on a roof over your head if you have so much money to burn!

Mommy Bags said...

I would want one but I just never had one and today I don't even know if I want one. I would rather have a small intimate get together and have a blast than some big over production were no one has any fun.

KERRY said...

I planned my wedding in 4 weeks, spent no more than $1000 including the dress and never once picked up a Bridal mag. I too was not blessed with the bridal gene lol, which I can say I am happy about. It's all about what comes after the wedding that counts. Love, family, living life...I totally agree with you. I think it is a total waste of money. And all done for other people!!

Nancy said...

No wedding here. Oh it's because Texas recognizes common-law marriages here so I haven't been given a ring or even thought about planning a wedding. If it were to happen, I can't imagine spending $30k on a wedding. I have always told Chris that I'm okay with a courthouse wedding and keeping it small and simple. Then again, we are content with the way our "marriage" is. I just don't want to mess that up.

Not Winning Mom of the Year said...

Now I know we were separated at birth! I feel the same way, in fact I evern hate going to weddings. I hired someone to plan ours and we just showed up. It was awesome, and stress free. People are too caught up in the day - but forget that's all it is, and the lifetime of marriage is what their forgetting to get "caught up" in. Okay, I will shut up now.

Krista said...

im with you! it's like they spend so much time on the wedding they forget about the marriage. I got married young, but no divorce. We eloped. our marriage is no less of a marriage than my friend who is planning an elaborate ceremony's will be. I often want to punch my husband in the nuts, but then he does things like bring me home candy and i remember that i dont hate him all the time.
Also the thought of spending 30k on one day makes me want to vomit. which is the main reason I couldn't do a real wedding. I know my parents would have paid for it, and the thought of them shelling out that kind of dough just makes me cringe.

Feeling the love......