Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I want to ride my

bicycle! That is the recurring lyric  from the Queen song that floats through my head every time I cruise my little beach city by the bay. The other thought that goes through my head while watching the many many bikes riders in this town....I f*ckin hate bike riders!  Bike people I don't want to hate you but you make it almost impossible to like you. About a month ago I was speaking to a mommy friend and she is like

"You know what you should post on your blog about the hell we go through on a daily basis with the bike riders in this town." What a great idea I will do that for you M child.

Let me give you a little background I live on this small amazing beach community town 10 minutes from San Francisco. I grew up in the City but hubby and I left SF a few years ago to get away from the party scene we needed a break and decided that the slow paced life in this small community would help us re group and calm our asses down a bit...did both and we got a bonus with that our beautiful daughter LDG. Anyway all around us are forestry type places and mountains were bike riders love to congregate which means a shit load of serious Lycra short/shirt Lance Armstrong helmet wearing riders. These dudes and dudettes are hard core and I make no apologies in saying a bunch of a**holes. Why because most of them are. I say most cuz I have good friends that bike and they respect others and the road. Our town is flooded with professional riders and OMG the tourist rider which is the worst cuz they have no idea what they are doing and going. The tourist riders come over in droves during the summer time and it scares the shit out of me because all they have his a helmet, a map and no sense of direction.  Listen when I travel I avoid Vespa's, Fiats and bikes in a strange land.

Why bikers piss me off:

  1. They do not abide by the road rules. i.e. they run stop signs and red lights like MoFo's and then the dip shits give you the evil eye as if you did something wrong by going through your GREEN light. 
  2. Most of them are just plain rude and evil mean. You are riding because it is supposed to relax and make you happy so wtf is up with the mean expression on your faces all the time.  I know that the small bike seat is probably cutting the circulation to your nut sack but try and smile once and awhile it makes us drivers not want to ram your bike from behind. 
  3. When a driver is nice enough to make you go though your obvious stop so you do not have to stop your bike be kind enough to give us an acknowledgement that hey cool thanks dude instead of once again -  giving us the evil eye. This makes you a SUCKY ass person!
  4. Stop darting in between cars I can only see what I can via my mirrors and if you are darting in and out like a crazed fucking jumping bean I can not guarantee that you will not be hit
  5. Hand signals...... HELLO learn to use them
  6. Stay in your damn bike lane single row people single row do not take up the road making it impossible to go around your slow ass
  7. When I am trying to make a right turn and I have had my turning signal on for the last 4 blocks can you please either speed up or slow the f*ck down because it seems like you slow down on purpose. 
This message has been brought you you by a concerned citizen and mommy
Yo you share the road with huge massive steel vehicles all we ask is that you OBEY the rules of the road

Thank you....that is the rant of the day...

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