Thursday, January 19, 2012

Yep just ONE.

The other day I was running around town doing my daily errands after one of LDG's many daily activities*.  Last stop the ol familiar grocery store. I get my and LDG's happy ass in line. I then notice that in front of me is another mother trying to keep her brood in order she has 3 boys and all of them looked to be in the age range of 7 and under.  Let's just say she had her hands full. I mean it was chaos.  I tend not to pay attention/comment on those type of situations because how another mommy does her thing is her business and not mine. But it was kind of hard not to look because they were right in front of me. Now I am the first to say when my little one acts like an a$$hole but that day she was sitting in her cart happily flipping through one of her books calm as can be. At that point the other mother looks up at me and comments.

"Your daughter is so cute....only one?"
"Yep just one" I answered
"God your so lucky having one must be so easy.* Don't you want another?"
"Nope my husband and I are good with one."
Other mommy with shocked and "whatever" expression written all over her face "Oh....."

That was the end of out mini conversation. At that point I am so over watching her boys tear up the surrounding area of the check stand I was ready to get the F out of there. In a roundabout way this woman made me feel  like shit because the hubby and I decided not to have a brood of kids. This is not the first time strangers and certain family members have made this kind of comment and brought up the why the only one child syndrome.
WHY? Because we personally do not want another child. Very simple.  When I found out I was pregnant we sat down and made a decision to stop at one. I was not in my 20's or even 30's when I got preggo I was 39 had LDG at 40. I felt at the time that this was some kind of message from above and my mother {who had just passed away 4 months prior to cancer} so I left it at that  - a blessing.  I have read the articles and the books and I really believe that the only child syndrome is a myth.  I know MANY couples with just one child {mine included} and the kids are not spoiled, depressed, self absorbed or lonely. I have seen my daughter share her toys with other kids and I have seen families with more than one child have trouble with sharing. It has always been stated that the more brothers and sisters a kid has the worse they do in school.
Let's also not forget that raising a child is not cheap I mean 300,000 from birth to 17 that does not include private school because if you live in the City that is the route you have to go in order to get some kind of good education.  College OMG some of the tuition is unfuckenbelievable now...can you imagine when my little one is ready for the college route...Unreal

I believe that the family norm has changed. I have read that the size of the American family is shrinking and more couples are deciding that number 1 is good enough.  So why do I still get asked this same question on a daily basis? 

*yes I am one of "those" mothers I believe that the busier the child is the less trouble they get into in the future. I also think it is good to get out of the house and do some kind of physical activity everyday. 

*BTW 1 or 12 having a child is hard work


Lacey said...

Ergh. I can't stand other moms who get all judgmental. Everyone does their thing *their* way. You're right - you do need to get out and at least walk around some everyday. Days where my kids are stuck in the house are the WORST. As the oldest of six kids, I think being an only child sounds like a wonderful thing. LOL

*Ross and Katy* said...

I'm an only child and NOBODY ever guesses it when they meet me. That stupid "only child syndrome" is just that-STUPID. I have one child right now and we MIGHT have a second one, but we might not. And it's our decision. And I'm pretty sure if you want to call my mom that she'd tell you she would have rather had 10 boys than the 1 daughter she did...apparently I was "hell on wheels" as my GG says :) {my side of the story is that since there was only 1 of me I had to make enough trouble for my invisible siblings!}

sandbox gems said...

I have many friends with only one child and while I might be curious to know, I would NEVER be so rude as to ask. It's none of my business and I wouldn't judge anyone for making the decision to stop at one. I can't believe people can be so rude about it. None of their business and you are right, the only children I know are sweet, sensitive, and very well adapted.

Brenda said...

How ignorant! That kind of crap irritates the snot out of me. I get the same thing about not having any children and we were able. We chose not to. But the looks, glares, questions are just so rude. Shake it off and tell em, "Up yours!" :)

Sarah @ It's a Vol said...

My hubbs is an only child and while I think there are truths to all the birth order "syndromes" he is certainly not depressed, lonely or self-absorbed. Now he is spoiled but that's a product of his parents. I'm spoiled and I am not an only child. Either way we've both gown up into intellignet functions responsible adults because of our parenting not because of our birth order. I mean yes, he is spoiled and wants me to do everything for him or give him a list otherwise he can't do it. But then again. I've got first child syndrome big time. I mean I am super bossy and type A so we balance each other out.

Anonymous said...

I do not for the life of me understand why anyone cares what anyone else does as far as family planning? Is it a competition? And why do they think their way is best? And who came up with the "only child" syndrome thing anyway? Was it to sway people to have more than one? I really do NOT get it.

It's your life. And it's their life. NO ONE'S BUSINESS.

Michael Ann said...

Oops! I am not anonymous! It's Michael Ann. I hit "send" too soon.

I was also going to say same with having no children. That is personal decision too and I say, heck, if people know they don't want to have kids, best if they don't have them! Why pressure? Sheesh.

Mommy2¢ said...

I think that it all comes down to the parenting on whether or not a child turns into a selfish, spoiled little brat. 1, 2, 3, or 10... it doesn't matter how many kids there are.

Annie@Letters to Mo said...

People are fucking nuts. I never understand why it is so acceptable in our society to ask perfect strangers personal questions and then judge them for their response. Fuck that lady.

I only have one kid who is a pretty easy going kid, but it's still fucking hard. Stay at home or work, it's hard. One kid or ten, it's hard. Breast-feed or bottle feed, it's hard.... you've got me all riled up!

Annie@Letters to Mo said...

Oh, and I'd love a handful, but I'm 33 this year and kids are expensive, so one or two more will be it.

Annie@Letters to Mo said...

Oh, and I'd love a handful, but I'm 33 this year and kids are expensive, so one or two more will be it.

Susan said...

Welcome fellow only child haver! lol I planned on three kids and once I had my fab kiddo, decided one was good. I get the "only one?" ALL the time! Although I do believe that "only child" syndrome can exist, I believe that's the fault of the parents choices and not the fact that they have an only child. My daughter can communicate with people of any age, she can share or be selfish (like all kids), she isn't lonely because I don't let her be. She does get overwhelmed sometimes with massive amounts of chaos but that's just her personality. My sister (oldest of 3) is the same way. Whatever MB, tell them to shove it and that you're saving the earth by having "only one". Then, look at them and say "More than one?" with that look! lol

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