February is a shitty month for me. I used to like February for the dumb V day things we do and for that little bit of Spring hint we get to see in the trees and the flowers. I now hate this month because I lost my mom to that f*ckin C word disease cancer - the modern day plague. After 14 months of hell God above was kind enough to take my mom away from her pain. Call me selfish God but I miss her. I miss her daily calls asking me what I was up to even though I have just spoken to her the night before, I miss the way she used to check my flights when I was traveling to make sure I got there safe, I miss her style, I miss her laugh and I even miss the way she used to shrill my name when she was pissed. Mom and I never really saw eye to eye and it took us many years to finally get along. It was in the last 6 or so years that we could be in the same room without getting into an argument over tiny ass things, we had started to enjoy each others company, something that tends to happen when we get older and mature. I was there for her for the whole damn thing the whole 14 months of chemo, radiation, losing her hair, herself and her life. My dad was crushed, my brother went numb and I went on auto pilot. At 59 she was too young to be taken from us. I think I never had the time to truly grieve my moms death because 4 months to the day of her passing I found out I was pregnant. I know that my little girl was a sign/gift from my mom telling me everything would be ok . I look at my daughter and see allot of my mom in her and that makes me smile.
My beautiful mom & my favorite pic of my mom
It will be 3 years the 15th of this month the day before Valentine's Day one of her favorite times of year. It was the color red that did it for her. She loved the color red. Yesterday I did nothing I did not have the energy which is very unlike me. The weather was kind of grey and gloomy to match my mood. I cried allot but it felt really good and getting this down has almost been therapeutic. There is not a day I do not think about her. We all miss you mom and you will never be forgotten.