Saturday, February 11, 2012

I don't like February........

February is a shitty month for me.  I used to like February for the dumb V day things we do and for that little bit of Spring hint we get to see in the trees and the flowers. I now hate this month because I lost my mom to that f*ckin C word disease cancer -  the modern day plague.   After 14 months of hell God above was kind enough to take my mom away from her pain. Call me selfish God but I miss her. I miss her daily calls asking me what I was up to even though I have just spoken to her the night before, I miss the way she used to check my flights when I was traveling to make sure I got there safe, I miss her style, I miss her laugh and I even miss the way she used to shrill my name when she was pissed. Mom and I never really saw eye to eye and it took us many years to finally get along. It was in the last 6 or so years that we could be in the same room without getting into an argument over tiny ass things,  we had started to enjoy each others company, something that tends to happen when we get older and mature.  I was there for her for the whole damn thing the whole 14 months of  chemo, radiation, losing her hair, herself and her life. My dad was crushed, my brother went numb and I went on auto pilot. At 59 she was too young to be taken from us.  I think I never had the time to truly grieve my moms death because 4 months to the day of her passing I found out I was pregnant. I know that my little girl was a sign/gift from my mom telling me everything would be ok . I look at my daughter and see allot of my mom in her and that makes me smile.

My beautiful mom & my favorite pic of my mom
It will be 3 years the 15th of this month the day before Valentine's Day one of her favorite times of year. It was the color red that did it for her. She loved the color red. Yesterday I did nothing I did not have the energy which is very unlike me.  The weather was kind of grey and gloomy to match my mood. I cried allot but it felt really good and getting this down has almost been therapeutic. There is not a day I do not think about her.  We all miss you mom and you will never be forgotten.

Peace out








11 comments:

Jeannie @ gracefully50 said...

I'm with you...
I lost my mom to cancer and watched her go thru chemo & radiation. I was with her when she took her last breath. She was only 56. That was 1996, but it still feels like it was yesterday. For me, Mother's day and her Birthday (February) is the toughest...I still can't think of her and not cry...she was my hero.
Cancer Sucks!!
Sending you a cyber hug....

Caffeinated OC Mommy said...

Oh Darling,
What a beautiful post... I hope writing it helped you just a little bit more... Blowing kisses and sending you a warm hug... xoxo

Andrea said...

So sorry...that picture is absolutely beautiful...

Mommy Bags said...

Thank you so much ladies

Allison Downes said...

Hi, Saw you in the hop, New GFC Follower, Hope you follow back and come check out my giveaways!

http://giveawayhog.blogspot.com/

Caffeinated OC Mommy said...

You know what Darling? I'll take care of this one for you...

Hey Allison... you hoo... the one above me? Yea you! Don't go to someone's blog that you've never been to, not read what's being said and then ask to be followed! If you took a look, you would see what the heck is going on and you obviously didn't so YOU look like a complete idiot!!

Compliments of VERY CAFFEINATED OC Mommy...

Mommy Bags said...

I am still to this day shocked at what some people will do on blogs. Dude even when I was new I knew not to do what ms Allison did. At least read the damn post and see what it is about before you say I am from so and so and please follow just plain friggin rude. Thank you caffeinated OC Mommy you are a one classy dame. :0)

Susan said...

It's been 15 years since the whore that is Cancer stole my mother so all I will say is this: *hugs*

Not Winning Mom of the Year said...

Sending virtual hugs for you sista... loved this post. Your mom is beautiful.
Had to laugh at Caffinated Mommy's comment to "yoo-whooo" above. What a tard, she should make the WTF this Friday.

Irene said...

Your mom was beautiful. Sorry for your loss. It will be 20 years this Nov that the big C took my mom. It doesn't get easier especially now that I have my daughter- miss her even more-so many questions unanswered. She was only 46. It totally F'n sucks.

HUGS!

Mommy Bags said...

I appreciate all the hugs ladies really is helping me get through this week. BTW yes OC mommy kicks ass

Feeling the love......