The 7.......

I fee like doing this to people head's during PMS week 

So I was kind of debating whether or not to publish this post and you know what WTF I always told myself that when I started this blog I would not filter myself because this is one of the reasons I started this blog was to just shoot the shit and if people come to read and stay those are bonus points. I am also pMSing my balls off and I really don't care so here is a strange thought that popped in my brain while I was driving to pick up GG at preschool. I have been pretty vocal on my blog about what serious ass PMS issues I have had and will probably have until I frigging reach menopause...Woopy fuckin doo.  For one week prior to the actual red river flow I am a mess mentally, physically and emotionally.  It has gotten quite a bit better since I started working out but each month is a frigging toss up. This month has so far sucked. In order to keep the PMS in check I start popping homeopathic PMS pills 2 weeks before  - yes two weeks the crazies hit!  This also includes drinking some really nasty ass tea and taking a liquid hippy skippy drops that taste like baby vomit and I know what that taste like since I have had some of it fall in my mouth when GG was a baby....Mmmmm tasty right? I can tell you this I would rather go through a 5 hour tattoo and a root canal drilling combined than to go through what I go through every month. Anyways as I was driving this afternoon it hits me that  living with  PMS is like living with 7 different personalities. Like the 7 dwarfs in Snow White.  I told you I got some crazy shit that pops in this little brain of mine. Let's break in down shall we

• Sneezy for some odd reason I get the sneezes from hell every month yes I do and I cannot explain why? Can someone give me any thoughts on this one because I am totally at a loss  by this phenomenon....

• Sleepy - I cannot get enough sleep during this Sybil period of the month. I could sleep all day for 5 days.  However because I run a tight ship and I have a toddler hanging around me most of the day I can't. So I am basically yawning most of the time and is some type of fog that I cannot get away from. WTF!

• Dopey - Add drool to the side of the above illustration and you have me wandering around the city with a dazed look on my face...... All I hear during this time is Duuuhhhhhhh

• Doc - I become my own doctor. Between the PMS pills, homeopathic shit tea and all the other "stuff" I have tried at least once to get rid of the pain just call me Doc. Mommy Bags bitches. 

• Happy - Pffft who the hell am I kidding.......Their is no happiness during hell week. OK maybe when I spot some chocolate and Doritos in the same aisle at the supermarket. 

• Bashful...Hmmm the only thing I am bashful about during this time is that my ass is so bloated that I cannot fit in most of my skinny jeans. Oh and like when today I went to get a spray tan and had to suck in my stomach for a whole 10 minutes while I was being sprayed tanned away by Ms. America..and her dainty hands. FML

• Grumpy - Oh yes this one is my favorite. This is the time where slashing someone tires is something I could possible do*chill* it's the hormones talking. I am mean I am talking mean to be around during this time. My husband is scared of what will come out of my mouth and what will be tossed across the room. The dogs seem to know this time for they hide in the spare bedroom. I am grumpy to the max and during this time I am looking for a cigarette. Yes I said it I am looking for a cigarette. It's either that or put my fist through someones head. Anxiety at scary level

And as soon as the above personalities quickly take over my body for one week out of the month they disappear as fast and I turn back into this sweet little creature - minus the sappiness, the complete naive nature of this chick and frolicking through the damn forest in a big ugly yellow dress. Peace. 

 

She's crafty...

and that woman is crafty, and this other person is crafty and holy crap they have a whole damn crafting/project store were you buy things to craft with.  How the hell do some of these moms have time to craft when their is a toddler to take care of , dogs to be walked and a whole crap load of other stuff their is to do through out the day.  Let's get this right on the table....I am a mean chef/baker, I can throw a party like no ones business,  and take care of anything that goes on in this house. I can shop and merchandise clothes like their is no tomorrow. I keep my little one busy with activities -  dance, gymnastics,  jumpy houses, discovery museums, pool you get the drift    HOWever I am not crafty and never understood the doing crafting/projects in order to keep the kiddos busy. I am the type of mommy that would rather find an event to attend with my child then craft with egg cartons. I would rather download a new game on the Ipad in order to keep my little one busy instead of gluing friggn macaroni to paper. AND yes people I am a mommy who allows their kids to watch TV....Watch out I am totally warping my little child's mind*evil laugh*...Whatever..... I am still convinced that mommies who claim their darling offspring do not watch any TV are feeding us a bunch of BS. With all that aside I did notice that with all I did do to keep my little one busy their were days that no matter what I did or what I tried to do to keep her entertained nothing worked.  By the end of those days I was so frustrated and tired that I was no good to anyone including my poor husband when he walked through the door exhausted from a long days work. I was a follower of mommy Katie and her awesome blog

http://www.mommywithselectivememory.com/. 

Man this mommy had it going on - she was doing some fun projects with her kiddos on a daily basis and her kids were totally active in making the project work. While viewing this phenomenon the same thought when through my brain.....I am like....so..... not this woman how am I going to do some of this stuff?  It is not because I lack the creative gene I have that it ten folds. I just don't have the patience and I am extremely  OCD about the house. I cannot handle messiness that some of these crafts require...HELLO sand and water in the house OH no....So I started commenting on Katie's blog and giving her kuddos on a job well done. We just then started chit chatting away about my lack of the crafty gene and she reassured  me that anyone could do what she did with her chitllins. Katie then informed me that she was in the process of writing a book with her friend Susan Case to guide mommy's like me. It is an awesome mommy handbook on how to keep your toddler and preschoolers busy, out of trouble and motivated to learn. I am like HELLO where do I sign up?  I got the book from Katie and so far it has been a lifesaver. It is an easy read and you will catch yourself going back to it many times for reference. I caught my hubby reading it the other day and he loved all the kiddo projects that were in the book to keep GG busy during football season...Ha Ha....Their is also a great section of manners, how to encourage your child to be independent and getting them ready for school. Here are some pics of my little one getting down and dirty{ok not that dirty} sorting colored poof balls with yes that is a egg carton woot woot for me......Oh BTW the dollar store has now become my new best friend you can find so many inexpensive items to craft and do projects with.....it is insane......As you can see we have also started stickering our butts off. She is kept busy for hours with the activities in this book. I love it!!!!!  You should also check out her blog Katie has many daily new fun stuff to keep your kiddo busy for hours.

I love that this book is book for real moms and not some Martha Stewart let's grow our own tree before we chop it down and make wooden toys out of it.....It has been a life saver in my home. GG loves that I am spending more time with her during these projects and I am quite enjoying the extra quality time with my boo boo. So far no spillage and damage done to the house. Below is the link to Amazon to get the book...Come one you know you wanna click it...Just take a little looksy I am telling you it's worth it.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1620160102/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1620160102&linkCode=as2&tag=mommywit00-20

I can tell you this GG's play room has looked allot less like the below since we got this book.......

Cheers Gang!

What has happened.....

to Teresa Guidice from the RHONJ? As weall know on this blog I am a reality show whore....Side note*Cranky  I have yet to succumb to the Honey Boo Boo cult....I am trying really hard not to watch the show for I believe the show will be like a train wreck you don't wanna watch but once you do you cannot look away*. Anywhoo.....I was catching up on the drama that is RHONJ and was wondering what the f8ck happened to Teresa? She has become a total outright selfish bitch. Now I know that most of this "reality" shit is scripted however I believe that most of these producers/writers on these "reality" shows take something from the characters personality and works from there. I believe that Teresa was always this mean and bitchy except we did not see/notice it because the show was dealing with a different type of crazy called Danielle Staub. I feel that one a person is truly unhappy with their marriage/situation they go out of their way to make people around them miserable. I believe that her douche bag disgusting  ass husband is cheating on her and she knows it but because she has built this image behind the facade  that everything is fine and everything is perfect that bitch would not know the truth if it came up to her a slapped her across the face. I have known people like this were they want people to think that everything is perfect and their lives are sooo not. I hate people who cannot be real about themselves and their lives it shows you that something is not quite right in the cavesa if you know whatta mean?  It seems to me that she is living in this fantasy world and fame has really gotten to her head. She is living in the a world were fantasy and reality are kind of getting meshed. And she has just become mean and nasty. And girl comparing yourself to Angelina Jolie GET.OVER. YOURSELF.....I would like to see you do 5 percent of the charity work and money she gives to causes.

I mean I have to hand it to her she is hustling and building her brand. I mean she has to do it because her lovely pea brained hubby doesn't seem to be doing much.   I just do not know who in their right mind actually buys her shit? I mean her cook book - recipes you can find on line. Fabellini please that goes for Ms. Bethany's Skinny Girl also really come on. Get yourself a good scotch and call it a day. Teeth whitening really....And lets us not forget the many fake covers of In Touch. I mean how real is a person who pretends that the puppy on one of the covers is her dog and this person does not like dogs. I have a hard time believing anything that she does and say. I mean the set up to make her SIL Melissa look bad was awful. I believe she is so mad jealous of her SIL and the happy life she has with her brother that she will do anything to make her look bad if it means stepping on her family to get there. Money might be great for a little while but when you look around and have 0 friends and family what do you really have Teresa?  You say family is important to you I think what is important to you Teresa is the ol mighty dollar and fame.

You have become a sore on the butt of humanity.

The itty bitty bikini....

debate. So I am sure some of you heard that Ms. Jessica Simpson is getting major shit-o for posting the above pic of her darling beautiful*I wish I had those lips* baby girl. Little Maxwell here is 4 months old and wearing a yellow crotchet bikini. Now what a moms does with her daughter is her business and Ms. Jessica does not deserve the major hate and backlash she is getting because of the above pic*I mean look at those cheeks you just wanna squish her* however I just want to know why a 4 month year old needs a crotchet bikini?   When I think crotchet bikini the below following goes through my head...grown up woman wearing swimsuit not little bitty baby?  Personally I am not a fan of bikini's on babies and toddlers. Never have been even before I had my own chitllin it just for some reason it just seams a little to grown up to fast for a 4 month year old. Does that make any sense? I just think it is a little to much too soon.

Now I am in NO means one of those freaky your not wearing this until your 30 kind of mom. I am up on the latest fashion, my daughter is always put together were adult women always say to me that they wish they had my GG's wardrobe but for some reason the Crotchet part of the baby bikini bothers me and I do not know why?  Am I weird because I kind find this tacky and not a way to present your daughter to the public? With all the money Ms. Simpson has you would think she would have maybe chosen a less revealing outfit and something a little bit more demure?  I mean their are some sickos out there. I don't know maybe I am just weird........And OK off the subject how HOT  is Raquel Welch in her crotchet bikini.?????

What a friggin.....

mess of a morning it has already been at my house.  Now you all know that I love my husband but when the man is home my whole morning ritual with the dogs and toddler goes totally ape shit.  First of all she gets up at 6:30 not cool because that cuts into my morning get shit done time. She usually sleeps until 7:00 or so and being that I get up anytime between 5 and 5:30 to get everything done before she gets up - My morning starts of usually something like this.

• Get up
• Get tea ready or I am useless 
• Try to blog
• Unload dishwasher 
• Take out food from freezer for dinner I plan menus a week in advance so I don't have to worry about what I am going to make for dinner at the last minute. I also LOVE to cook and bake so I love doing this kind of shit 
• Dust, pick up and clean the second floor living area of our home and tidy up kitchen
• Feed the dogs food and meds not for crazy but for joints 
• Get my breakfast and GG's ready {plus her lunch and snacks for preschool}
• GG gets up 15 minutes of I don't wanna get up change diaper pick her outfit for the day 
• Make all the beds I NEVER leave the house without beds being made I know I know but I just cannot my moms was a clean freak and she taught me how to take care of a house
• Get myself showered {yes I shower before I go to gym} and dressed and ready for the gym and take her to preschool. 

 I get bugged when she does not get up at the time she is supposed to......This morning was CHAOS. Dogs were restless because my honey was home...Fur Monkey 1 went crazy during our hike yesterday so she is limping like crazy and cannot apply pressure on her left paw so I have to be careful with her. FM2 is just so jealous that if  I pay any extra attention to the other she barks like crazy until she gets your attention by that point the attention is me throwing a  pillow at her....don't worry no harm was done to FM2......During this whole commotion GG is wanting to be with dad so I cannot get her attention to get her stuff done. My honey gives her Honey Comb instead of the non sugary cereal so GG is en fuego and she keeps repeating out loud all around the house that she is en fuego because she heard me mumble it under my breath as I was cussing out my husband for giving her Honey Comb. Dropped GG off and worked out like a maniac this morning I have some nice leather leggings I am going to be purchasing so I need to get my ass in tip top shape.  I am now back and heading into the city to pick up my friend in the hospital she had surgery this am and I am getting her home then it is back home to pick up GG from preschool hey at least I am crossing over one of the most beautiful bridges ever. So overall it has been a butt confusing backward kind of  day. It's 10:29 and I am already pooped.

Happy Day

Ohhhhhhhhh

Yes gang this is a rerun you know why because at our house for some reason everyone is fascinated with shit....Yesterday was ShitaGate 2012 and let me tell you it was not pretty. GG decided that is would be fun to try and pick up Fur Monkey's number 2's poop at the park thank God it was solid. Only after she touched and I freaked the F*cK out did she realize what she did like she said  - Ewwww nasty mommy. Yeah nasty is not the word for it. I picked her up and ran to the nearest bathroom and ran her under the water than I ran to my car and disinfected the hell out of her with about 100 bacterial wipes. Head back to the house and FM2 decided that eating the cat shit from the outside neighbors cat would be a sport. I did not realize this until she was back in the house. FM2 is a smiley dog and she was sitting down grinning at me I noticed that all her teeth were black now dumb me thought that GG got into the secret stash of Oreos and fed them to the FM2- it has happened before so I dd not think anything of it until I got real close and the smell about knocked me on my ass. So I spent most of the afternoon exfoliating my dogs teeth and mouth and I cussed out the world. All in all a pretty typical Sunday afternoon at Casa Crazy. Enjoy the below rerun........

Guys this is a warning if you have a weak stomach or cannot deal with anything to do with the above subject then please do not bother reading the following post! This might be TMI but you know what it  has to be told because it is funny and I have no filter.

Last night was a regular night at Casa Crazy. Dinner, following toddler around with fork to make sure toddler eats, dogs barking and licking their butts, honey in a daze and tired from work and I trying to keep it all together. It was around 6 the scheduled bath time for Ms. Sassy Pants. I run the house on a very tight ship I do not do well with a toddler being on a no schedule it makes for an even crazier atmosphere.

I get the bath water going and place 100 pieces of plastic crappy toys in the tub. No sooner than I get LDG into the tub and she is ready to get out? Mmmm...... that is strange she usually loves the tub and the water she would stay in their all day if I allowed her to. Ok,  maybe last night was an off night and she was just not feelin' in and I am totally cool with that. I get her out, wrap her in her towel and hand her over to daddy as I take out the 100 pieces of crappy toys I had just placed in the water a few minutes ago. I hear LDG running up and down the hall way and all I is see a flash of nude butt go by the bathroom...not unusual for hubby and I like to air dry her and my daughter loves being naked...Augh I better not see any Playboy pictorials in her future!

Now I have no problem with my little one being naked, however I have told my hubby that we need to keep an eye on her because we are in the middle of potty training her {what a f*ckin nightmare that is} and she has still not gotten the concept of doing her "thing" in the actual potty.I mean she is getting it but not quite getting it...make sense?  With that being said I go back into our bedroom and I notice something on the floor. From a distance I cannot figure out what it is. AS I get closer I begin to hyperventilate ~ what the hell, OMFG is that no it can't be, did the dogs shit on the floor,  that does not happen in this house, it can't be they would never do that EVER! My head is about to explode and doggie heads are about to roll. As I get closer I see that this little pile of wonderful is not dog shit but my daughters pile of poop. Did you hear that? That was my head that just exploded!

 WTFFFFFFFFFF

Honey....H-O-N-E-Y...Look at this, on floor, I am going to lose it, WTF,OMFG, I DON'T f*ckin believe SHIT {LDG is in other room}.  Hubby looks my way and with a smile goes

"Honey that is one of the dogs squishy toys see?"  He then proceeds * in movie slow motion* to go down and try to pick up the "squishy" toy and I am like....Noooooooo it is LDG's poop. Hubby makes contact with said "item" and before it is too late he touches it and knows that this is not one of the dog toys. He mutters something under his breath and runs into the bathroom to super wash his his hands. In the mean time I am still stuck on neutral in the same spot because I know I am in shock.  Hubby runs after LDG because she has crap all over her butt I get her back into the tub to rinse off the rest of her. LDG is now crying, hubby and I are running around like chickens with our heads cut off and for that split second we are both reminded that we have 2 shit eating dogs hanging out in the bedroom.  Oh f*ck their is a pile of baby poop sitting on the {thank god hardwood} floor. Hubby and I both rush back to the bedroom aaaaand we are too late we see dog number 1  hoovering LDG's poop off the floor...The whole friggin thing GONE...LICKED clean. 

At this point I have become numb to what I just witnessed and my brain has reached TILT level.  Not saying a word I turn around, walk away from the crime scene and lock myself in my bathroom. After about 15 minutes of what the hell just happened  I eventually leave the safety of my clean and poop free domain to return to the bedroom. Hubby had finished cleaning and disinfecting the mess with super duper cleaner and LDG is in her pj's. I look at my dog and shake my head. Dog 1 you have grossed me out for a long time to come {dog number 2 is no were to be found the screaming sent her hiding}. I brush both of my dogs teeth *hard* and wipe them down with their bath dog wipes. Dog number 2 is wondering why she is getting the prison hose treatment since she did nothing wrong. Oh well number 2 that is for all the past cat poop you have eaten. I take a Xanax and go to bed. Needed this night to be over. I now know that when LDG is rushing to get out of bath it means bring her to her potty because it is crap time. Oh Lord what a friggin gross way to learn. I think I am still in shock and I cannot bring myself to look at Dog 2 in the face without thinking - Shit

Ah the joys of motherhood

-

WTF Friday......

The below was supposed to be the pst for Friday however it was daddy surgery day so I was kind of busy...Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes you guys are AMAzing and rock balls. I have said this many times before and I will say it again you can see who your REAL friends are when you go through stuff. It was so nice to receive well wishes from everyone out in FB land,  bloggy land, via text and phone calls making sure my pops was ok.  Pops is doing fine I talked to him last night and the head nurse said they want to keep him because he is charming the hell out of the nurses. He was flirting away so I know he was beginning to feel like his old self.........

Howdy guys....Probably going to be a short one today they wheeled my pops into surgery this morning at 7:07 this morning and now we are playing the waiting game. I would love to send a shout out to all my family friends and bloggy friends who are keeping my dad in their prayers it is during times like these you realize who your true blue friends are.  Anyways let's get this party started with a few tid bits that sent me into super duper bitch mode this week.

• Dude Amanda Bynes what is going on with you? I mean Hollywood has a habit of using their young and then spitting them out. She is the latest in a long list of child stars who have hit the skids. Mmmmm a graduate of the Dina Lohan school of f*cked up 25 and under group? Get your shit together girl your heading down a shitty loop. 

• Speaking of the train wreck called Lindsey Lohans mommy manager she is trying to blame editing {I LOVE when people do TV and that this the first excuse they use when the come off bad}  the world that her ass was not drunk during the Dr. Phil interview. I checked the clip out and I don't know about you folks but she is definitely OFF...This woman is a parasite and she should have her mother privileges taken away with a slew of other mothers that have irritated the shit out of me this week. Could this be liquor infused interview it definitely appears to be to me...What do you think? I have placed the link right here to my right .......just right there......there you go yeah that one you know you want to touch it.......Editing my ASS

• OK this one is the pot calling the kettle black.....This one is a good one.....Kris Jenner had the nerve to say that the mother of Honey Boo Boo child is exploiting HBB by placing her on TV..WHAT THE F*CK did you just say that....You are the leader of taking your WHOLE family and exploiting them on weekly shows. You have train monkeys making huge amounts of money for you. And has much as you would like to deny it you had a part in your daughter releasing her SEX TAPE. You also said they were classless...why Kris because they don't have a boatload of money and hob nob with the rich and famous. Please woman your daughter made a shame of the institute of marriage and no matter what you want people to believe that whole 72 days of marriage thing was staged and it back fired on your lovely Kim's ass. You don't understand why the country is in love with HBB is maybe because unlike your overly made up, overly plastic, selfish band of monkeys they keep it real. Do us all a favor Kris...STFU and worry about your family and butt your business out of others. Exploiting her child....PLEASE WOMAN

• Speaking of HBB - I have not watched the show but their is press everywhere on this show so it is hard not to read about it especially with me being a total crappy magazine whore. I have heard the show is a success however I saw the whole making the lemonade with 5 pounds of sugar? Shit I don't think I go through that much sugar in a year and I bake.....That is just wrong on so many levels - WTF crazy sugar high 

• I am tired of FAKE people, people who play games, lie and are all about me, me, me.  GET OVER yourself. 
• WTF is this stupid ass show *OK I love me some Bravo but lately some of the shows have gotten really bad* called Gallery Girls? GOD I have not seen a more annoying group of chicks then this herd.  Andy Cohen time for you to revamp some of your programming some of the shit is getting B-A-D. And let's not even go into the below group of over pumped botox "ladies" from RHOMIA most of the bitches are just not likable. 

That's it for this week gang off to be with my pops at the hospital.....Have a great weekend 

Getting Old Man.....

Dad and the grands

sucks....period. We can always try to convince ourselves that it doesn't and that 50 is the new 40 and 60 is the new 50 ect....but when the body has different plans and when the body decides it is time for some lubing and a 50,000 mile overall tune up the body needs to be listened to. We come to an age when our parents are beginning to age and your parents friends are on the same route.  Some we have lost too early and some of them are beginning to feel the wear and tear of this road we call life.  We don't want to thibk about and we don't want to see it but it is happening all around me.  Tomorrow my awesomely fabulous dad is going in for a tune up....He was supposed to have a total hip replacement on the 5th of this month however when he went in for pre op they noticed that one of his main veins in his neck was 85 percent blocked which means it is roto rooter time. They would not do the hip surgery without him going in to have this cleared out for concern that he could have had a stroke during the hip surgery. In a way we our fortunate they caught it and it will be taken care of they say everything happens for a reason. My dad is 70 and doing great - he started working out and besides a few kinks here and there he is doing well for his age. However my dad is a smoker and anytime he goes under the knife/anesthesia I get concerned. It really does suck to see your parents age. You always think they will always be there and they will never change many time we take for granted that they will be the same person that changed your diapers so many years ago. We were hit with a big shock when my mom passed away 3 years ago at the age of 59 and I don't do well with these type of situations anymore. I hate hospitals and when someone even comes close to me with a white coat I go into anxiety mode.

I have told myself that my dad will be fine and this is part of maintenance that he will need to go through has he gets older but I can't help myself from being anxious for this surgery to be over and done with it. Today I am spending the day with him and GG. Hanging out {pervert dad scoping out the local talent he is still a ladies man} and just having fun together. We went to lunch and he ordered some wine...I said to him

"Dad are you sure you should be having wine since you have surgery tomorrow?"
He answers - In Italian
"What am I supposed to do stop living my life this one day because I have surgery tomorrow no way...If it is my time to go then it's my time to go....But I know that has of right now I have lived life to the fullest...Cheers - 

You got to give it to my dad he has always known what to say......

Dear.....

Tara Raid,
OMG girl wtf is going on with you?  I thought you had gotten your shit together until I saw the TMZ video of your super drunk and I do mean super drunk ass in St. Tropez - it looks like you have once again fallen off the wagon and bad this time. I mean you were never going to be Meryl Streep but you had a pretty good little career going and if you had chosen the right path you could have taken it a little farther and who knows maybe get yourself some "nice" studio mogul to marry you.   Honey it looks like you got involved with the wrong crowd…hmm…hhmmmm the no longer relevant Paris Hilton has a way of destroying girls lives doesn’t she?   You were once an “It” girl, had the world by its balls was even engaged to Carson Daly {tool} but even he could not deal with your partying ways.  Now we have all had our hard core partying days…shit your talking to a an ex-party girl.  However after a certain age things should start to slow down, shit does not bounce back as well as it usually did in the 20’s and being that you are now 36 it is time to start taking care of that skin and getting some much needed beauty rest. Yes their is always plastic surgery but based on your past surgeon choices {hello botched lipo/boob jobs} that might not be an option.

I think the press has treated you badly and I think you also give them the ammo for such treatment. Nothing is less attractive then a drooling, tumbling drunken slip of a girl who has no clue where you are and how bad you look. The video on TMZ makes you look like a total hot mess{see below for total alienation of motorcycle}. I wonder where all the money is coming from to party this way? I mean I know you made some money with most of the American Pie's but that could not be enough to get you through the rest of your life? I am waiting to see if a sex tape pops up soon because that seems the way to go these days with getting famous or becoming relevant in order to work again...I mean look how far your friend Kim Kunfuc* got on just that one she made that was "accidentally" leaked. I am also hearing that your are now claiming that your were not drunk and it was all a set up. Oh dear........

Tara dear get some rehab or just take a long break from the booze. Hey I hear Dr. Drew is casting for his upcoming Celebrity Rehab maybe you can hit the fine doctor up for some help.

Link- to this hot mess and I kinda feel for her

Caught.............

OH geeze we were caught....caught red handed and now I need to know if I have totally screwed up our daughter for the rest of her life......but they don't remember shit this early on life....right...nope....nope....nope....right? Ohhhhh.....gawd how did we allow this to happen?!? We thought we were being so slick and hush hush.....Sunday morning hubby and I decided that it was early enough to __________ insert porno music here....and all mommy and daddy's out there know how hard it is to get couple time.  With two staring, drooling  dogs and a very active toddler it's hard to take time to have "fun" with each other.  Since we were both up at the very same time{I happen to be a very early riser}and the coast was clear we thought we would got for it!  Toddler sleeping, dogs sleeping let's do it......about 10 minutes into our thing I felt a pair of eyes penetrating {no pun intended}.  I look up and and there she was.....at the end of the bed......staring.....with a curious.........confused look on her face.........and I was in shock.....I jumped off my also very shocked husband {thank god we had covers on}we just laid there not knowing what to do.....All 3 us staring at each other.......All I wanted to do is hide under the covers because I was so embarrassed. I remember when I was a kid the last thing I ever wanted to see was my parents show that type of affection towards each other it was just gross.  I know juvenile but we have all gone through it.

Well we finally snapped out of it and told her we used the old age little white lie that mommy and daddy were play wrestling. I slick moved putting my PJ's back on and slink downstairs to get coffee and breakfast ready. I just needed to get away from the situation for a minute.  She seemed OK and we got on with our morning even though my husband was not to thrilled.....I told him next time we are locking the door....

Note: I am convinced that the dogs have a vendetta in place so me and hubby can never to have sex again. I believe that they sauntered their asses into GG's bedroom{they know how to open the door with their noses} and jumped on her bed...in  turn waking her up and finding us in our compromising position...Mmmmmmm .....Just a thought.....No?

WTF Fridayroo

people.....I have said this once and I am going to say it again DAMN time if moving way to fast. I am starting Halloween shopping and found a bunch of awesomly evil and scary things - Halloween is NOT all about happy ghost and friendly witches. Halloween at our house is allot more gruesome and insane. God I love October! It has been pretty hectic here at casa crazy as usual we are running around all over the place and it has been really busy. This weekend hubby and I celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary. It was mellow and relaxing. We went to our towns Art Festival and had a blast. My husband surprised me with a black and white photo print of Julia Child's for our anniversary. I just picked it up from the artist and it is now hanging in my kitchen so I can look over and get that inspiration that only Julia can give you when cooking. My little GG starts ballet again next Monday and I started making plans for her birthday and the husband and I decided instead of going crazy with doing a party and having to deal with finding a place ect....that we would just go and celebrate her birthday in Cabo. It has been decided that every other year we will celebrate her birthday out of town - on her first we went to Maui,  2nd home and third Cabo.

• Kanye is an idiot and Kim got famous via a sex tape black and white no grey area here - these two are a couple of douches and they deserve each other. Kanye how can you proud that your girlfriend was in a hard core porn as you state in your song. You and she should be ashamed of yourselves. What is going to happen when you bring a child into this world and she is a GIRL...Are those the kind of values you are going to instill in her. Yes go ahead KImmy Jr. and flash your KooKa and TaTa's to the world  your mommy did it for fame and money you can to. People like you should not be allowed to reproduce. 
• Can someone please tell me WTF is up with the Xmas shit already being set up? I can't handle this I really can't seeing xmas stuff so early makes me hate the damn holiday. Stores if you think this will have e shop earlier you are sadly mistaken! Enough already. 

• Is it wrong that sometimes all I wanna do is knock some people in the face for just being friggin STUPID

• Can everyone just cut Harry a break...So he partied in Vegas BIG DEAL...So has everyone on this planet yeah we get that he is a prince and has all this royal BS he needs to do but dang give him a break. He is sewing some wild oats before he has to take on some massive responsibility in the future.  BTW he is sporting a nice little body.....

• Can Justin Bieber just GO AWAY...little boy needs to shut his mouth everything that comes out is never good and always wrong. God all I wanna do is smack him the face. STFU already! I immensely despise this little man

• I am soooooo sick of hearing about the post baby body of celebrities and how they can fit into to f*cking skinny jeans 3 weeks after giving birth. Yep it is easy for some of these bitches to to loose weight they gained through pregnancy. It's called trainer kicking your ass right after you deliver the placenta, dietitian, stylist, morning and evening nanny. It's easy to look and feel good when you have an army of people doing your shit for you. Give me a friggin break. Get a real life. 

• When did cartoons become so PC and boring{sorry some of them are}...God some of them are so annoying YES I am talking about you Dora..I remember the only thing we learned from our cartoons was never to buy anything from Acme because their shit sucked and that bugs bunny has some identity issues...Ahh the good old days 

• I get that it was tongue ad cheek homeland security however you should not joke about this Zombie Apocalypse because you know fo sure that their are people hiding in the hills with weapons and stock piling food for this very occasion. If it does happen I would rather have my brain eaten by a zombie than live with the hill people.

• WTF is wrong with some women....Ex girlfriend of a passenger on a plane called up and the airline and informed them that her ex boyfriend was carrying like some type of liquid explosive. Plane had to turn around and do an emergency landing. Are you f*ckin kidding me?  That chick better be spending some time in jail. Who the hell does something like that? Are you crazed or what? You should be ashamed of yourself for doing something so fowl and terrorizing a plan load of innocent passengers.

• Can someone please tell me where the hell all the damn sippy cups go?????? I had 10 I am now down to 3. Is their a special place they all like to get together to party? 

• Thought I would leave you with this pic for your viewing pleasure. How Kim got famous and it surely was NOT sucking on a lollipop......

Happy Friday 

Today I cried.....

like a big fat baby......I locked myself in the bathroom and had a really good gut drenching cry....You know their are times when you are a mom that shit just drives you crazy and no matter what you do when something gets said it stabs you in the heart a million times. It is one of those afternoons were GG is just being a real royal pain in the ASS.  No matter what I do for her it's not working so she is of course not behaving. The one thing that I have told little Ms. GG is not to kick the damn dogs. Now let me just explain it is not like she goes after them and kicks them with a pair of steal toes. The dogs lay next to her and she kind of gives them a tap with her foot.  I asked her not to do it and she did it again this time hard and it pissed me off. I do not want the dogs to get a bad taste in their mouths when it comes to GG so when I see things like this I put a stop to it real quick. Well this afternoon little Ms. Devil Toddler decided that she was going to yell WHATEVER to me and then toss her book against me newly painted living room wall after I reprimanded her about the dogs.. Well let me tell you that shit does not fly in this house...period. I totally lost it and just yelled at her like hard core{yes bad mommy} and I placed her in time out.

By this time she was crying hysterically and she kept yelling for daddy...this is the part that kills me every time I punish her she yells for her daddy which makes me feel like a total shit hole. I want daddy.....I want daddy and she is looking at me like I am total piece of garbage. Why is it that I discipline and I get the crappy end of the stick and my husband gets all the loves and kisses? All I do for her and she totally kryptonites my ass with those 3 words I WANT DADDY.  And what is this pain that makes me feel like a puddle of mush every time she does this and why do I think she does it on purpose? Or am I just being paranoid and totally overly sensitive?

FML today

The sixth sense.......

I know I am not the only one to have this....Their is a feeling that you cannot get rid of no matter how hard you try and how many times you have given it a chance that maybe your just being paranoid it just won't go away. It always creeps up and taps you on the shoulder to remind you not to trust and why are their so many holes that cannot be explained.  I have been tapped twice with this feeling and when I chose to ignore it  I got blindsided and snowed when I choose to listen to it, it has always done me right. Call it women's intuition or just a huge huge hunch but I think this time I will be listening to it. I thought I was being paranoid and yes I sometimes have toddler brain so I feel that as a mommy we tend to get scattered but one thing I know they did not call me rain man at work for years for nothing because I could not remember things that have happened/heard/seen. I also received confirmation that I am not hearing/going crazy from my very level headed, non emotional {not a chick} husband - hope that makes sense?!?  I am straight forward and pretty much to the point and I expect others to be the same when I don't see/hear it happening via little fibs and actions I put a wall up and you are no longer welcomed.I have had exceptions to the rule but those have been in extreme cases and it was for people that I had many years of history with.  Everyone throws a white lie out there once in awhile - i.e.

Hey do these jeans make my ass look fat?
No honey they don't  
NEXT 

But when one little white lies seem to happen more often and things/stories are no aligning/full of holes the attention lights start flashing.  I have been hurt before just like many others have to -  so you know the feeling when you welcome people into your life and it does not work out. Maybe it is a heritage thing -  being Italian we are very open, and we welcome people into our homes/families we sometimes we get the love back and sometimes we just don't and when things start to not add up we are done. Maybe 10 years ago I would let something like this ride and just dealt with it by trying to be half way cordial - I am however older and hopefully a little wiser and I don't want to deal with the stress.  Why waste any time having your guard up with people? Things are supposed to happen organically not be forced. Yes....I might be a bitch but you know what? What you see is what you get. I don't have time and patience to deal with smoke and mirrors anymore.

DoneZo

Being to harsh maybe...who knows but I trust myself that is for sure

Why does everyone want to

So horrible it hurts 

be a Pop star? What is the fascination with this POP phenomenon....no offense people but more than half of these called artists today can't even sing. They prance around the stage is some god awful cheap looking outfits and then LIP SYNC to some electronic manipulated  music and play NO instruments, some of them think they can dance and they suck and hello they DO NOT KNOW HOW TO SING. Every friggin housewife and every other person on a reality show think they can be an artist. No your not an artist you did not study the craft and no you are not friggin the second coming of Christina Aguilera....Yes she is super bitchy but the girl has a set of lungs on her and CAN sing. What has happened to music? What happened to bands actually playing instruments and writing music that has meaning instead of the same hook that is being played over and over again? I don't know music anymore because I really don't care to. Yes I have my basic   hardcore house music for working out but for listening and jamming to there is nothing out there because most f it sucks! How can it be that every other peons on a reality show stats that they have been singing/wanting to sing/ always have been singing since they were like a fetus in mommy' womb. STFU and give me a break people. Have some of these people really listened to what they sound like w/o the synthesizer water down job of the producer.  I am keeping it short and leaving you now because we are headed off to our towns Art & Wine {did I mention wine} Festival were their are LIVE bands who play actual instruments and jam together mmmm what a concept.......I leave you with the below worst of the worst so called "artist".....Happy Labor Day!

BAD 

Sorry Cranky but her songs kinda suck and she cannot dance 

OH LORD 

SUPER Bad