Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Today I cried.....


like a big fat baby......I locked myself in the bathroom and had a really good gut drenching cry....You know their are times when you are a mom that shit just drives you crazy and no matter what you do when something gets said it stabs you in the heart a million times. It is one of those afternoons were GG is just being a real royal pain in the ASS.  No matter what I do for her it's not working so she is of course not behaving. The one thing that I have told little Ms. GG is not to kick the damn dogs. Now let me just explain it is not like she goes after them and kicks them with a pair of steal toes. The dogs lay next to her and she kind of gives them a tap with her foot.  I asked her not to do it and she did it again this time hard and it pissed me off. I do not want the dogs to get a bad taste in their mouths when it comes to GG so when I see things like this I put a stop to it real quick. Well this afternoon little Ms. Devil Toddler decided that she was going to yell WHATEVER to me and then toss her book against me newly painted living room wall after I reprimanded her about the dogs.. Well let me tell you that shit does not fly in this house...period. I totally lost it and just yelled at her like hard core{yes bad mommy} and I placed her in time out.

By this time she was crying hysterically and she kept yelling for daddy...this is the part that kills me every time I punish her she yells for her daddy which makes me feel like a total shit hole. I want daddy.....I want daddy and she is looking at me like I am total piece of garbage. Why is it that I discipline and I get the crappy end of the stick and my husband gets all the loves and kisses? All I do for her and she totally kryptonites my ass with those 3 words I WANT DADDY.  And what is this pain that makes me feel like a puddle of mush every time she does this and why do I think she does it on purpose? Or am I just being paranoid and totally overly sensitive?

FML today

8 comments:

joeh said...

Hang tough my friend.
No matter what you do, no matter what she says,
she will always love you.

THAT is your power!

Andrea said...

Just keep buying tissues. They use whatever tools they can find that seem to work on us!

Rebecca said...

hang in there sweetie

Unknown said...

I am positive this will pass. You are such a good mommy.

Not Winning Mom of the Year said...

Hang in there sista, I know this feeling all too well. Virtual hugs coming your way

Unknown said...

Oh my....I am so glad I am not the only one this happens to. I am always losing my shit at the kids and feel so bad afterwards. I try and try to do it calmly the first 10 ten times but when they just aren't listening what the hell are you suppose to do?!
You are an awesone mom and this is just what they do...they like to drive us nuts!

Im A Silly Mami said...

I totally know the feeling. It seems our experiences mirror each others. Buggy is the same age as GG. I've learned not to cave to her demands esp when she's throwing a nutty. I walk away and let her bang her head on the floor if she wants. she realizes it does hurt and stops. when she's done she comes over to me in a calm manner-then we can talk. I also give her options- you can have this or that and that's it. take it or leave it. they like to think they are in charge when they choose and it has worked for us. because hubby travels all the time he is a softy and caves to her demands so when she is screaming and freaking out she will also ask for daddy because she's already learned to try and play us but he knows better. I usually tell her daddy isn't going to help her. It hurts to see them like that but I am the mama and I refuse to raise a disrespectful brat. Most of the time I just give her the "look" and she will settle down bcuz I won't cave. she will come to me when she's ready, we hug and then we are ok.

You are doing a great job. stay strong and take a deep breath. walk away if you have to and as long as they are not in danger let her get her freak out until she's done. Motherhood is the hardest job and all we can do is our best.

She absolutely loves her mama and remember - this too shall pass.

Hugs!

Kerry said...

You feel bad about it because you love her. You care about what she thinks of you and it hurts when you think she wants her daddy. Truth is, she never stops loving you, you are her mummy and the most important person aside from her daddy in her life. You didn't do anything wrong, you know you maybe shouldn't have yelled as loud, but these things happen. Chances are she has already forgotten it and hopefully she won't kick the dogs again.
Don't be so hard on yourself, you are human. We have all been there...xoxox

Feeling the love......