Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The 7.......

I fee like doing this to people head's during PMS week 
So I was kind of debating whether or not to publish this post and you know what WTF I always told myself that when I started this blog I would not filter myself because this is one of the reasons I started this blog was to just shoot the shit and if people come to read and stay those are bonus points. I am also pMSing my balls off and I really don't care so here is a strange thought that popped in my brain while I was driving to pick up GG at preschool. I have been pretty vocal on my blog about what serious ass PMS issues I have had and will probably have until I frigging reach menopause...Woopy fuckin doo.  For one week prior to the actual red river flow I am a mess mentally, physically and emotionally.  It has gotten quite a bit better since I started working out but each month is a frigging toss up. This month has so far sucked. In order to keep the PMS in check I start popping homeopathic PMS pills 2 weeks before  - yes two weeks the crazies hit!  This also includes drinking some really nasty ass tea and taking a liquid hippy skippy drops that taste like baby vomit and I know what that taste like since I have had some of it fall in my mouth when GG was a baby....Mmmmm tasty right? I can tell you this I would rather go through a 5 hour tattoo and a root canal drilling combined than to go through what I go through every month. Anyways as I was driving this afternoon it hits me that  living with  PMS is like living with 7 different personalities. Like the 7 dwarfs in Snow White.  I told you I got some crazy shit that pops in this little brain of mine. Let's break in down shall we


  • Sneezy for some odd reason I get the sneezes from hell every month yes I do and I cannot explain why? Can someone give me any thoughts on this one because I am totally at a loss  by this phenomenon....
  • Sleepy - I cannot get enough sleep during this Sybil period of the month. I could sleep all day for 5 days.  However because I run a tight ship and I have a toddler hanging around me most of the day I can't. So I am basically yawning most of the time and is some type of fog that I cannot get away from. WTF!
  • Dopey - Add drool to the side of the above illustration and you have me wandering around the city with a dazed look on my face...... All I hear during this time is Duuuhhhhhhh
  • Doc - I become my own doctor. Between the PMS pills, homeopathic shit tea and all the other "stuff" I have tried at least once to get rid of the pain just call me Doc. Mommy Bags bitches. 
  • Happy - Pffft who the hell am I kidding.......Their is no happiness during hell week. OK maybe when I spot some chocolate and Doritos in the same aisle at the supermarket. 
  • Bashful...Hmmm the only thing I am bashful about during this time is that my ass is so bloated that I cannot fit in most of my skinny jeans. Oh and like when today I went to get a spray tan and had to suck in my stomach for a whole 10 minutes while I was being sprayed tanned away by Ms. America..and her dainty hands. FML
  • Grumpy - Oh yes this one is my favorite. This is the time where slashing someone tires is something I could possible do*chill* it's the hormones talking. I am mean I am talking mean to be around during this time. My husband is scared of what will come out of my mouth and what will be tossed across the room. The dogs seem to know this time for they hide in the spare bedroom. I am grumpy to the max and during this time I am looking for a cigarette. Yes I said it I am looking for a cigarette. It's either that or put my fist through someones head. Anxiety at scary level

And as soon as the above personalities quickly take over my body for one week out of the month they disappear as fast and I turn back into this sweet little creature - minus the sappiness, the complete naive nature of this chick and frolicking through the damn forest in a big ugly yellow dress. Peace. 

 

8 comments:

joeh said...

Ex #2 along with BPD (borderline personality disorder) was the tasmanian devil when the moon was full.

I went from "honey bunny, sweety pie" to "You fucking douchebag asshole" at the drop of a hat.

You husband has my sympathy.

Im A Silly Mami said...

The husband is my PMS! He travels a lot for work so when he's home -mostly weekends - it doesn't take long before he annoys the shit out of me.

becca said...

i have to say i've been very lucky in i never suffered from PMS and so far menopause is going pretty well a few hot flashes an that's it ok going to go hide noCome Say HIw as i probably jinx myself

Sarah @ It's a Vol said...

You and me both sister. I am a crazy mo fo one week a month.

Andrea said...

Within the past 6 months I added panic attacks to the mix--they are awesome!!! Just read over at A Diary of a Madwoman about her story...you might want to check it out too?

ana said...

I hate how the Mr. knows I'm getting my period before I do. He says my PMS turns me into... how do you say... a crazy bitch that scares the shit out of him?

Susan said...

Is it bad that my first thought wasn't "OH, that sucks, I am psycho sally too"? It was actually "I'm not the only one who thinks that dress is ugly and she's a pansy". My sympathies to you and your loved ones once a month. My family says they'd rather have me on steroids than PMSing. Sigh. Good luck.

Ronni said...

This post is BRILLIANT. OK the sneezing. Do you get them in the midst of severe cramps, which makes them THAT MUCH MORE painful? Because I do. And that sucks.

Love the dwarfs analogy, though. Awesome.

Feeling the love......