Monday, November 7, 2011

Bitch Slap Monday......



I would love to do this to the person that invented the bra every time I am forced to put one on.  I get it I know that these bolder holders are supposed to keep you perky, full  and pushed up but they have become such a pain in the ass. I am always mumbling under my breath that only a man could have invented such an uncomfortable contraption but nope it was a chick. Yep...a chick her name was Mary Phelps Jacob. Now,  I guess the option she came up with was better than the wale boned corset but damn I guess I just had to bitch about bras this morning - we have had a rough couple of nights with projectile exorcist vomiting -  courtesy of  LDG. She must have eaten something that did not agree with her.  So I guess at 2:30 this morning after the second round of vomit clean up I had time to ponder on why and who the f*ck invented bra's - f*ck my life.

Now I am not some big ol hippy {no offense} I am not going to have them flapping and bouncing in the wind {unless I am somewhere hot as hell and tropical}- but those two pieces of fabric, hooks and straps must be the most uncomfortable thing ever!  I even went to get myself professionally fitted for a bra after LDG was born, but even with that and  a few very expensive bras later I still am uncomfortable and I find myself whipping the bastard off as soon as I walk through the door.
socialite responsible for our future torture 
I know that if I do not start keeping these things under control I am going to be tying them on my head like a bow in a few years. I am now shopping around for a bra without friggin under wire that will keep my lovely's stable...any recommendations out there?  I apologize for the titty twister rant...but it could be that I am suffering from lack of sleep and I am completely useless when I get very few hours of shut eye...Man if Freddy Kreuger actually existed my ass would be done in like 10 minutes.....Happy Monday!

*Wayyyyyy off the subject I am really digging the below onesie.....Man WTF is wrong with me? Fashion Police Alert Alert! It has been so cold lately that all I want is to snuggle in one of these.

So wrong on so many levels

15 comments:

Janelle said...

OMG. This is hilarious! And as for the onzie..I just saw that on an infomercial last night..tell me why I want one too!!

-Youngcouponmama

Fifi said...

NOOOO!! I can't stand that "forever lazy" onesie!! I always get super annoyed with the commercial! Like I would really be at a football game, or having a romantic dinner wearing one of these GAWD AWFUL things!!! Oh but wait, it has a side and back zippered openings for when I have to go to the bathroom!! GROSS!! LOL!!

i ♥ YOUR Friday and Monday posts!!

Fifi said...

and...the brown colored ones make everyone look like a creature from the movie "where the wild things are".

Annie said...

How do you pee in that bad boy?

Michael Ann said...

Do NOT get the onesie! Just don't do it!

I hate to tell you, I love bras. I am a bra fanatic. I am always looking for the next "perfect' one and I own like 20.

It hasn't stopped my boobs from losing their battle with gravity, but at least they look good when contained.

Kimmy said...

As long as I'm in a VS bra, I'm good(non push up, cause goodness knows, I've got enough girls that I don't need them pushed up and plus, those push ups just push my girls out!!)!

As for the onesie, I can sure use that at home right about now since my heater just went out. I must say though, it kind of reminds me of the Ralphie in his "Pink Nightmare" bunny suit on A Christmas Story...lol!

sara said...

I hate bras myself. I had considered buying one of those onesies.

Jo said...

DO NOT TEMPT ME. I WILL BUY ONE OF THOSE JAMMIES. As it is, I spend all my time braless and in yoga pants.

Love,
Hot, hot sexy stay-at-home mom with boobs down to here and greasy hair

Andrea said...

Macy's and Lord & Taylor have a decent line of Bali that come in no underwire options...don't get me wrong, they still aren't overly comfy, but it beats getting stabbed by a wayward wire! Chantelle are pseudo comfy too!

Kortney said...

Hi! I'm visiting from the Alexa Hop! Have a great week,
Kortney @ Kortney's Krazy Life!

LOVE MELISSA:) said...

This is freaken hysterical. You should link up this on sat for my sat laughs blog hop. Def following back:)

Mommy With Selective Memory said...

Very funny!!! Reminds me of the over the shoulder boulder holder song from Beaches!! :-)

Ixy said...

The worst thing about bra shopping is finding a bra in my multiple-letter size...and some idiot has designed sewn in cutlets for it. Are you kidding me? If the letter involved in higher than C, we DO NOT need any additional padding. Morons.

Mommy2¢ said...

OMG you DO NOT have a one piece sleeper!! Please tell me you don't have a one piece sleeper!!

I'm totally with you on the bra thing. I don't know how big you are but I'm a 34 DDD/E (depending on the bra) and that my friend is miserable! Especially after 2 kids because trust me 34 DDD/E isn't as gifted as it sounds... not when they hang 3" above your belly button. Personally, I love it when I roll over on one of my melons in bed. That feels great! And forget EVER buying a swimming suit anywhere but specialty swimsuit shops that sell them in bra sizes for like a million $$. I don't even wanna talk about the $$ I've spent on bras over the years. And you're right - the personally fitted (more expensive) ones are the most uncomfortable!

Ronni said...

So, I don't have that onesie, but I do have two blanket sleepers for those really really really cold Chicago nights. I'm talking the ones with the feet. :)

I'm with you. Bra comes off as soon as I walk in the door.

Feeling the love......