Meet my....

My lanky Orchid

daughter the GiAnT!  Yep... that's right my daughter is going to be one tall ass mama. Today was LDG's 2 year check up. We did what we did at your usual check up and then it was time for the height and weight measurements. Now.... I knew my daughter was a little over average in the height department.  Most people I encounter think she is 3 instead of 2 but I had no idea that she would measure in height a whopping 36 1/2 inches!  Yep that is no typo. She is in the 99% percentile for height
The pediatrician commented that my toddler is all legs which she is - it is scary to watch but her little chubby baby legs have formed into some long ass toddler legs.  Her weight was right on target for her height at 30 pounds (85%}.  So I then ask the Dr. what she thinks LDG's height might be in the future and she said we are looking at 5"10 quite possibly 5'11. HOLY shit...really? Wow OK...I knew she would not be a petite flower my hubby is 6'1 and I am 5'9 but the possibility of her being 5'11 kind of scares me I am not going to lie. Kids are cruel and I remember the crap I had to deal with when I got my tallness spurt in 4th grade I really do not want her to go through that. My baby is growing into a healthy beautiful little girl and hubby and I could not be more proud. Now we have to make sure we keep the sassy attitude in check and this ride from 2-3 we are hoping will be a smooth one. So far besides a few melt downs I have not seen this terrible 2 thing yet......Shit did I just jinx myself? OH damn.......

Party Mission......

Photo of LDG at Ballet

accomplished and mama dog is still cleaning up this Cali morning getting dishes, platters and such back into their proper places, so this is going to be a little short and maybe a little sweet.  I had LDG's birthday luncheon on Saturday and it was a success. It was only family for lunch and then we invited some of the neighbors for some cake and wine. The food was rich and scrumptious and I will be working out extra hard for the next month because of the gross amount of calories I consumed on Saturday *shaking head*. But you know what it was my babies bday and once in awhile it is fine to indulge I would love to have something fun to eat once in awhile without thinking how bad it is for me I am so over it!

Goody Bags 

Table for LDG's Luncheon

LDG got some awesome gifts and I am now being invaded my Fashionista Barbies YES BARBIES. She got so many of them LDG  could start my own fashion house. All in all a great friggin day. Now I am starting to work on her new bedroom I ordered the headboard to her new bed and once that arrives in February and the room gets painted we can start the changeover. This week is going to be super ass busy. Her two year check up appt is tomorrow. I am excited because I "heard" that at this appt we can kind of gauge what height my little one might be in as an adult. My hubby is 6'1 and I am 5'9 so I am hoping for supermodel tall and not freak tall. I also have final preschool tours, ballet, toddler gym, my gym and all the other shit in between. So it is going to be a go go week. A busy toddler is a sleepy toddler. I also need to start my attic clean up and organizing need to have hubby measure for the shelves I will be purchasing once that is done I am tagging a bunch of shit for sale. I will leave you some pics of the party......I did not get a bunch of photos with LDG and her posse because they were all over the dang house screaming up a storm at one point we had ball houses in the living room and and the deck - children everywhere and I did not get see my daughter much. About to get ready to take a hike with the pooches and LDG,  pay some bills work on a menu for the week you know fun stuff. Today will be the only day of chill in a very, very hectic week. 

Happy Monday!

LDG's Karl Lagerfeld Sketch Cake 

Dang...Finally WTF Friday

is back. Hello my bloggyland friends. Hope this week has not kicked you in the ass too bad and are looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I have been kicked in the ass I have been trying to fight off this damn cold that everyone has been sporting the last few weeks. I have gobbled vitamins, chugged vitamin drinks and washed my friggin hands so many times they now look like cardboard. AND what happens the day before my daughters birthday party. I begin to feel like crap. I am sitting here typing away while drinking a super size mug of chamomile tea to see if I can kick this thing in the butt, so far the not feeling well little sucker germs seem to be winning...bastards.

• Why do people not flush after using a public restroom?  Is it that hard to take your hand and pull the little flushy thing so the person after you does not have the viewing pleasure of what you had for lunch the day before? Or better yet let's leave the paper toilet cover on the toilet so other people have to deal with your laziness....Clean up after yourselves please.

• A huge WTF salute to the Italian Captain that abandoned ship during that awful disaster. What a friggin coward. Oh and I love the excuse that he tripped and fell into the life boat. Coward!
• We should not blame Paula Deen for cooking what she knows Southern Food...I do though have a little tiny bit of a problem with a person who has just found out she has type 2 diabetes and is chowing down on something unhealthy like this...Can't eating like this kill you when diagnosed with T2D? 

• Come one you knew this one was coming.......DEMI MOORE you are 49 WTF...."Whip Its" the hippy drug of choice {still cannot figure that one out}....An update as of 2 hours ago she also has been hospitalized for anorexia. I hope she heals and gets better it is really sad that love could break you like this. I also want to give a shout out to Heather Locklear.....Girl I thought you had your shit together. What happened to my Sammy Jo?

Stop the madness ladies before it is too late

• Heard Lindsay Lohan is being considered to play Elizabeth Taylor in a movie for Lifetime. Who are the idiots who are considering this?  Is it just me I think they look nothing alike? 

Beauty 

and the Beast 

• Why do some people take compromising pics of themselves then are "shocked" when they are leaked? You should know by now then unless you live on some deserted island with no phones/computers this shit will eventually come and bite you in the ass!
• WTF I know that I am not a huge sports fan but why the uncalled for violence towards fans and players? Does not seem very sportsman like...just saying.
• OK Charlize Theron can this woman be any HOTTER! Wow she is flawless. Huge girl crush 

• It is January 27th  time to take your DAMN Christmas decorations down.....
• When did some boys become total whining wimps?  You fell off the slide unto soft squishy foam you did not hit your head. Why are you freaking out like someone hit you with a bat? No blood or missing teeth your good to go....My daughter has more balls..... suck it up little dudes.
• WTF is up with extensions if you have long hair why do you need to snap hair on? 

• OK this is N-A-S-T-Y  Fear Factor{don't watch show might have to}. Executives are concerned over one of the stunts they filmed for the show. Now this is what grosses the shit out of me they actually filmed this  - so this means that the contestants actually did this in order to make some money and be on TV.  Contestants were filmed drinking donkey semen...DONKEY semen people, that is friggin...I can't even wrap my head around that one...Too make it worse they added a chaser of donkey urine....The episodes is supposed to air this Monday....WTF!!!!!

Ewwwwwwwwwww  I feel you buddy

Why does it seem...

that kids are allergic to everything now a days?  Before I get bitch slapped via email. 
I know that allergic reactions to certain foods are awful and sometimes deadly so I am not in any way making light on the situation.  This is something I have noticed in my day to day dealings of hanging out with a toddler and wanted to blog about it.  

I bring this up why?...This Tuesday was LDG's Birthday so I decided to bake {from scratch - no mix which means there is no way it hell it came in contact with any peanut product the most dangerous/common of deadly allergies}cupcakes for her baby gym class on Wednesday morning. I thought it would be a nice thing to do for all her little romping friends.  I made 24 {hubby ate 2} I came home with 12 and that is because I gave a few away to some workers that were doing some street work nearby. Let me tell you something when I bake I never have that much left to spare. Yep....might sound full of myself but I know what I am good at baking and I will make no apologies for that*.  I did not bring my bad ass cupcake carrier into the class I waited until the class was over and then proceeded to ask some moms,  quietly {so the kids do not go ape shit if mommy says no} if they could have a cupcake. And for the next 10 minutes I hear:

So and so is allergic to ________ fill in blank. One child's list was so long I glazed over.  I stood there cupcakes in hands looking like a complete a**hole. As I was driving home I wondered where in the hell did all these food allergies come from? Why is it that 1 in 12 kids is allergic not to just one food but a list of many foods? I know the 90's were kind of blur,  but shit I know this was not the case a few years ago? What has changed? When I started solid food with LDG my pediatrician suggested I try everything with her because it has been said that the more you expose your little ones to certain food the better it is. So far *knock on wood* LDG has been able to eat everything..shit some of her favorites foods is scallops and salmon...yep my little one loves fish and veggies...I know sick right......And in some cases I also know of some mothers who have fibbed on the allergy thing so their kids would not be exposed to sugar...Yep it is true. I do not feed allot of sugar to LDG and she does not have a huge sweet tooth but shit once in awhile on a special occasion is not going to friggin hurt them.

I am just at a loss does anyone have the answer to why this is happening?  Can someone shed some light...Am I just living in a bubble? Are parents being over protective about foods causing these allergies?
I love to bake fun stuff for the kiddies but it looks like once LDG starts preschool it will be a bake free zone.....Damn....I suck at paper mache!

*except for the unfortunate Red Velvet Cake incident but that's what I get for trying to do a low fat/calorie version...shame on me and what the f*ck was I thinking?

You say it's your......

BiRtHdAy were going to have a good time...I'm glad it's your birthday were going to have a good time.....
I cannot believe it but my LDG is turning 2 today...How the hell is she turning two just the other day we were bringing her home from the hospital 4 weeks early weighing in at a mere 5 pounds 21 ounces. I was in the back seat of the car with LDG crying my balls off because I did not believe that a hospital would send us on our way with such a small fragile creature*were they insane!  I am not going to lie, my little one was not cute...nope not at all, but with the trip she had to make and how badly you were logged in. LDG was breech when she got ready to turn in the proper delivery position she got stuck, her heart rate was quickly dropping when I was in labor {the worst pain EVER} so I had  to have an emergency C-Section that explains why she was so squishy.  It seemed like forever before I heard that first cry and when I heard you loudly wail I knew that my daughter was going to be a fighter and would not take any shit ~ I will make sure of that.  She came into this world safe and sound and with a BANG.

My little squishy baby

From her first smile, first cooooo/giggle, first bath to her first trip at the local watering holes were mommy and daddy used to hang out she has been a champ*Please read below in red before you call CPS!

LDG and my friend K behind the bar

She sleeps through the night {except when sick and teething} and travels with no problems.

She loves her your clothes and already has started to show her independence when I chose pieces. And boo boo you just loves hats! I had to deal with allot of pink when she was first born but she was flooded with awesome girly outfits from my super great friends and family.

The apple does not fall far from the tree 

I don't say a word when her daddy dresses her up in sports stuff and it will be all up to daddy's sport knowledge when it comes time for you  to pick a sports team. Pfttt. But I will be here to help her stay connected and make sure she rocks the music.

I do not believe how quickly she is growing up. She is talking and busting out some complete sentences.  She is stubborn and independent. She has become a regular chatty Katy and I have a feeling I will be getting future notes from teachers saying just so. She can be a little bit of a butt head when she wants to be but I guess that just makes her my tough cookie.

She is our miracle sent from my mom above and I know she is watching her grow everyday and it is comforting to know that she has her as a guardian angel.

 Happy Happy 2nd birthday baby girl.  Mommy, Daddy and the furry ones love you.


*Also did not help that my hormones were all over the place and I was fat/bloated 


 *No freaking out allowed hubby and I have many friends who work/own bars, restaurants   ect...so don't think our happy asses brought a baby to a f*ckin bar to hang out and drink all day. We went to our old neighborhood and introduced LDG to these awesome peeps. 

Black Swan....

I think not. So last week was LDG's first ballet class. I have a hard time calling it an actual ballet class. The teacher is awesome but let's face it this is basically a bunch of hyped up toddlers running around trying to pay attention because we all know that they have the attention span of nats. It was so cute to walk in and see the look of amazement on LDG's face when she saw the studio and when the little girls came in with their tutu's it was so friggin precious.  I lost LDG for a few seconds when she spotted the Ipad the teacher was using for the music. Doot...Doot she high tailed right for it and she decided that the music the teacher was playing was not working for her. My kid is quick on the draw when it comes to the Ipad.  LDG did pretty well ~ she seemed kind of lost and wondering what the hell was going on, but after speaking with the teacher she told me it takes about a couple of weeks to get that dazed look off the face.

Since it was her first trial lesson we decided to not have her wear her tutu,  next week GAME ON. Even though I despise the color pink {personally} they did a really nice job decorating the studio. It is very inviting and roomy and well pink and girly. Guys I am telling you NOT in a million years would I have ever thought I would be standing in a room like this....EVER!

I will be curious to see how she does with the classes.I think this class will teach her a bit of self control. Maybe..Mmmmmm.......Not so much...You think?

Happy Monday

I can't believe it.....

I thought that this couple would be one of the ones to actually make it!  What the hell is going on in Hollywood that these peeps cannot stay married? Are they jaded, do they think the grass is greener on the other side, too much money to much time on their hands or is that couples just don't try anymore?  My parents would have been married a total of 40 plus years my mom passed away before they hit that mark. They had hard times and they fought {just like most couples} but they were in it  for the long haul and they worked on their marriage. I think now a days it goes something like this.

"Hey are you bored?"
F8ck it let's get married if I don't like what type of shampoo you use it will take a nano second to get a divorce.I loved this couple they rocked it and they truly looked like they were totally into each other.  I am so disappointed. Blah......


CELEBRITY JUSTICE

1/21/2012 4:00 AM PST BY TMZ STAFF

HEIDI KLUMTo File for DivorceFrom Seal

Heidi Klum will file for divorce from Seal ... TMZ has learned.

Sources with direct knowledge tell TMZ ... Heidi will file divorce papers in L.A. County Superior Court as early as next week. We're told Heidi will cite "irreconcilable differences" as the cause for the divorce.

The couple married May 10, 2005. They have 3 biological kids. Seal adopted Heidi's eldest girl from a prior relationship.

The couple is famous for renewing their vows every year on their anniversary ... in a lavish ceremony.

As for splitting up the goodies, there's a lot on the line. According to Forbes, in the last year alone, Klum raked in $20 million. It's unclear how much Seal made.

Heidi attended last Sunday's Golden Globes without Seal. The last photo she tweeted with him was back on December 26.

Brain meltdown............WTF

and I am tired. I know that today is supposed to be WTF Friday but my brain cell would not cooperate and work it out I have a list that I am working on but I could not finish it last night because I was damn pooped physically and mentally. I am probably going to post it on Saturday or just wait for next week and give you guys double the fun. Why so tired. Hubby has been out of town on a massive trade show the biggest in his field and he is finally coming home today. You never realize how much your other half helps until they are gone. Mad props to single mama's for keeping it all together. The fur monkeys which I love with all my heart have been driving me crazy this week. FM2 is so jealous that I cannot play or love on LDG without going ape shit crazy with her long paws she has knocked the shit out of my face all week and it f*ckin hurts. FM1 is just a pain in the ass when it's time to take a crap. Jesus it pouring outside today I was out there in my PJ's at 5:30 this morning  friggin in hubby's rain gear and the bitch dog just wouldn't take a poop. HeLLo  based on your tail wagging and face raping at 5:00 this morning I assumed you had to go? No? Guess not. Whore....

LDG decided to get up at the break of dawn. Not ready to entertain toddler yet went to get Ipad YES I got her the Ipad at 6:00 this morning and you know what I don't give a shit. I have yet to get my tea on and I have been up doing shit since 5:00 so If I give my little one some time with the Ipad until I get my head on straight then it's my bad. But you know how these type of days go....they go from bad to shit status quick......Ipad....n-o-t working O-M-G Noooo. On line with Apple Tech {they ROCK} while trying to wrestle wet dogs from couch -   crisis averted 10 minutes to fix problem with Ipad it will take a container of fabreeze to get rid of dog smell. I am now sitting here posting this so I don't go kooky today.

I try and strive for this everyday

Today I feel like this 

BTW can you tell that I am PMSing my balls off. Bring on the sugar free chocolate and the baked lays - God I miss Doritos on days like this.

Peace and Happy Friday

Yep just ONE.

The other day I was running around town doing my daily errands after one of LDG's many daily activities*.  Last stop the ol familiar grocery store. I get my and LDG's happy ass in line. I then notice that in front of me is another mother trying to keep her brood in order she has 3 boys and all of them looked to be in the age range of 7 and under.  Let's just say she had her hands full. I mean it was chaos.  I tend not to pay attention/comment on those type of situations because how another mommy does her thing is her business and not mine. But it was kind of hard not to look because they were right in front of me. Now I am the first to say when my little one acts like an a$$hole but that day she was sitting in her cart happily flipping through one of her books calm as can be. At that point the other mother looks up at me and comments.

"Your daughter is so cute....only one?"
"Yep just one" I answered
"God your so lucky having one must be so easy.* Don't you want another?"
"Nope my husband and I are good with one."
Other mommy with shocked and "whatever" expression written all over her face "Oh....."

That was the end of out mini conversation. At that point I am so over watching her boys tear up the surrounding area of the check stand I was ready to get the F out of there. In a roundabout way this woman made me feel  like shit because the hubby and I decided not to have a brood of kids. This is not the first time strangers and certain family members have made this kind of comment and brought up the why the only one child syndrome.
WHY? Because we personally do not want another child. Very simple.  When I found out I was pregnant we sat down and made a decision to stop at one. I was not in my 20's or even 30's when I got preggo I was 39 had LDG at 40. I felt at the time that this was some kind of message from above and my mother {who had just passed away 4 months prior to cancer} so I left it at that  - a blessing.  I have read the articles and the books and I really believe that the only child syndrome is a myth.  I know MANY couples with just one child {mine included} and the kids are not spoiled, depressed, self absorbed or lonely. I have seen my daughter share her toys with other kids and I have seen families with more than one child have trouble with sharing. It has always been stated that the more brothers and sisters a kid has the worse they do in school.
Let's also not forget that raising a child is not cheap I mean 300,000 from birth to 17 that does not include private school because if you live in the City that is the route you have to go in order to get some kind of good education.  College OMG some of the tuition is unfuckenbelievable now...can you imagine when my little one is ready for the college route...Unreal

I believe that the family norm has changed. I have read that the size of the American family is shrinking and more couples are deciding that number 1 is good enough.  So why do I still get asked this same question on a daily basis? 

*yes I am one of "those" mothers I believe that the busier the child is the less trouble they get into in the future. I also think it is good to get out of the house and do some kind of physical activity everyday. 

*BTW 1 or 12 having a child is hard work

It's Party Planning......

time......My little drama G will be turning 2 in a few days and I am freaking out because I am wondering were the time went? Just yesterday I was pregnant and miserable*. Today I have this beautiful, smart, sassy, PITA toddler and I could not imagine life without her.  She is one of the best decisions I made in my life and I love her to death even when she behaves like a little a$$hole as all toddlers do. Next weekend I will be throwing her a small birthday luncheon.  Last year I went all out rented a small banquet room at one of our favorite restaurants did a big blow out with awesome food, party favors, cupcake tower and candy bar -the works.  Let's face it birthday number 1 and 2 are for the adults your little one really has no clue what is going on and what a birthday is.  As long as their is a birthday cake with candles to be blown out we are good to go! The big party guns will be saved for next year. 

This year it will be intimate with only immediate family. For her birthday present I am redoing her bedroom. Her new room will be this cool laid back silver and white w/ a  splash of color Couture/Paris theme. So I decided to run with it and do Parisian based foods/luncheon. Croque Monsier ~ fancy for Melted Ham and Cheese sandwiches and Pommes Frites - French Fries can't leave out the cheese, bread and wine.....What fun with that be? 

Sniff.......Here are a few flash back photos from LDG's 1st birthday from last year. 

*Yes I did not make a good pregnant chick!  Not all women have the "glow" and have blue birds coming out of their asses while knitting booties. I was sick for 6 months straight I spent most of the time with my head in the toilet.  I carried plastic bags with me because I would throw up at a moments notice. It was horrible. I was Miranda on SATC I did not become a mother until I held my child. Sorry but those are the facts!