Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Kinda Wordless Wednesday........

Hiya super good morning bloggy friends. My daughter is now on this awful get up at the butt crack of dawn schedule - we are on Day 3 and I am not digging it all.  I am not ready to get physically out of bed at 4:45 AM I am not dammit.......5:30 yes but not 4:45......

Below are a couple of pics that I took of my lovely daughter at lunch after we cruised a local Discovery museum this past Saturday.  Do I detect a little attitude....Mmmmm kinda wonder were she gets that from?????
You wanna piece of me?

What can I do to bug the shit out of mommy?
A big heads up....I am featuring a guest post tomorrow from Ms. Annie - her awesome...I mean awesome blog is just fabulous.  She has an attitude that I just adore and is refreshing to read her posts!  So come on over Thursday  to read her guest post and let's show her some bloggy love today.

Happy Hump Day

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

What is it ladies?????

Hey Mama's, 
I am in a pickle this morning.... I am PMSing my balls off and I feel bad for any mOfO who gets in my way.....My lovely daughter got up and the butt crack of dawn this morning and now she refuses to eat anything unless she is under the table because I really f*cking think she thinks she is one of the dogs!  Hope this is a faze......Hey as long as she is eating..My brain is lacking any brain cells in order to put together a normal post.....forgive me.....I am heading to the gym so I can work some of this aggression that I get an extra load of each month....So below is an oldy but a goody was one of my first post that I did way back in June when  I first started blogging......Sometimes is sucks being a woman!
with our "time of the month" that turns us into massive garbage pits? I try to eat healthy and organically everyday.  But one week before the "thing" takes over my body I turn into the human barracuda of junk food. All I want is crap...If I could swim in a tub of chocolate and sky dive in a bin of Doritos I would be one happy ass camper! This is "food" that usually does not appeal to me but during "the time" it does.  It is crazy I can wipe out 5 pigs in the blanket from Trader Joe's and I feel like crap about it the next day.  But I have no control on the cravings. I figure it is my body telling me that my hormone levels are off and I need to go for it. I can always work it out in the am on one of the torture machines at the gym. Just another awesome pleasure of being a woman. How did we get the short end of the stick...ladies?  If you think about it we only have a few good years of climbing trees before we are slaves of the padding...We start our lives sporting a diaper, we then get our special friend, {depending on how quickly a female develops it could be anywhere between 10 to 14} there is then a 45 plus year ride with whatever female product you decide to go with. Oh...... then we have the pleasure of bearing children. Yeah..yeah the miracle of child birth...... come one..... not fun when you are going through 9 months of don't eat this, don't do this, no wine, no sushi no cute clothes.....and let's not get started on the actual physical labor.  PL-EA-S-E they lie to you when they say you can just breath through your nose focus and it will all be better.  BULLSHIT......!!! Where is the needle and I need you to fill it up please! You wanna give me some anti anxiety in the cocktail mix yes...please!

However it is all worth it when you first see your child....but the whole process kinda sucks....After that roller coaster of fun...we have menopause to look forward to...YEAH! I have done allot of reading on the "subject" since I am almost 42 it is time for me to get started on anything that will make it all better...including reading Suzanne Somers book and researching the holistic approach to the big MP. I believe in being fully prepared......Let the vitamins and yak fat begin...I will not do the hormone route that is for sure.

I know..... I sound pretty bitchy today...but hey it can't always be roses and ponies.  Whooo.... there is the ding to the timer on the stove. I had a craving.... just baked chocolate chip cookies. See I told you so....WTF

Peace out......

Monday, November 28, 2011 is going

I am not ready

too fast and I am not ready for this holiday season shit. I mean was it just not summer?  SLAM before I know it we get hit by Thanksgiving still feeling fat and bloated from turkey day then BAM Xmas you ol dog you - your just around the corner. I am just not ready! I am not ready to deal with the crazy crowds, decorating my casa and getting a tree. Every year hubby and I promise ourselves that we will get in the full ass spirit of the holidays and every year we get so wiped out from Thanksgiving all we feel like doing for the next couple of weeks is a big fat nothing! After hearing all the reports of crazy ass shoppers, crowded malls and parking lot robberies my ass will be doing all our Xmas shopping on line. That is right on line, from the comfort of my home, in my fuzzy slippers and Snapple Raspberry Diet Tea - which I am totally addicted to.  This year I will be cruising the toy sights more than anything we do not have a huge family here in the states so Xmas shopping has always been pretty mellow however it has been kinda of tough because we are ALL picky and since we are all types of fashionista  -  clothes are usually out of the question for adults - we all have our very unique style ad w have gotten many ugly sweaters throughout the years to keep the clothes buying to our own.  Hubby and I booked our Xmas present yesterday. A long weekend in Napa's Wine Country at a fabulous spa and hotel.  This particular spot in Napa is known for their super top restaurants  in a square block and half you have some of the best restaurants in the world - most of the chefs in the area have been featured on Top Chef Masters and when your are foodies like us that area is like a wet dream...I apologize for the bluntness but ehhh that is me.
Serenity and wine
I am super excited we have not been up in the wine country since last year and we are ready. Hubby and I used to go up there all the time since we live super close but since LDG came into our life wine tasting has taken a back burner to poop, vomit and everything LDG. We are bringing the little one with us.  I love to expose her to hotels, different type of foods and just the surroundings.  My daughter has seen her fair share of  lodging/spa and has done quite a bit if traveling in her 22 months she is one lucky girl. My ass will be at the gym first thing in the morning need to work off the thousands of calories I consumed this weekend and then I will be concentrating on decking  the friggin halls, getting into the jolly season and decorating the shit out of my house......Yo Ho Ho.....Happy Monday folks!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

WTF Friday.....on a Saturday...............

yep folks .......WTF Friday on a Saturday decided to break some rules and do a WTF today....I am still trying to recuperate from Thursday Turkey Day so yesterday I did not touch my laptop at all. It was a long day and as you ladies and gents know throwing any type of dinner party is hard ass work....and since I like to do things a certain American Psycho way I tend to work myself into a frenzy if things are not just so.......Thanksgiving day was awesome, Friday was recoup day, the rest of the weekend will be hang out with my family day. I am looking forward to spending some time with me hubby and LDG. So here it goes gang.......

  • Stabbings, shoootings, pepper spray{I was peppered sprayed before not fun} and bomb threat...Pffft...yeah.....tis the season to be jolly......These are just few of  the headlines from yesterdays Black Friday shopping frenzy...I heard people waited in line  to get into Wal Mart...WTF waits in line to get into any store especially Wal Mart?  I had friends tell me that some of the sale items on sale yesterday were the same two weeks ago and they actually had merchandise to sell then. Pssst...I heard the deals kinda sucked this year.......Unfuckenbelievable that some peeps actually wasted their precious family time to deal with this madness. 

  • I am in a total turkey/wine coma still. Why the hell do we do this to ourselves year after year?
Turkey Coma City
  • You know your getting old when you play Wii bowling on Turkey night {for money} and the next day you can barely move your body...WTF man!
  • Why is it that uber hot models always say they were ugly ducklings growing up? Or my other favorite I can eat anything I want and not work out I just have really high metabolism....yeah right it is called bulimia might work in your 20's but that shit will catch up with you.....eventually
Suuureee....the ugly stick certainly  beat her ass..whatever 
  • Lifetime the channel for scaring the SHIT out of women......This weekend dial LMM for murder weekend.....all the movies were crazy ass mothers/ex wives/MIL/babysitters try and mess up other peoples lives...Awesome
  • What is the fascination with Jennifer Aniston? Really the girl does not know how to act, her movies suck and sorry folks I do not not think she is that cute.....How is she on the A list...Her squishy face bugs the crap out of me and I think she looks like a man....
  • Why do intelligent, awesome women turn stupid around men? If you have to dumb yourself down for a man than that man is not worth wasting your time with. If he cannot appreciate ALL of you then you should move on to the next.
  • This has nothing to do with WTF but DAMN Tom Selleck is still fine as f*ck
  • Stupid ass of the week out of Florida {they seem to have allot of these momets} - Man steals boat, boat runs out of gas, inbred  than calls 911 for help...Really 
  • WTF a new study came out saying that ironing can help reduce stress levels...Ummmmkay not so much in this house
  • I am turning into my mother and this needs to stop now......I miss you and love you mom but this cannot happen

Short but sweet list...WTF Friday will be returning to it's regularly scheduled place and time next week. Have a super weekend folks......

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Turkey Day Man......

I wanted to wish everyone out there in bloggy land a very very Happy Thanksgiving. I feel truly blessed to have made so many awesome bloggy friends out there. I feel that every single one of you have truly helped me through this crazy world of mommyhood and life. It feels great to have others go through what I go through on a daily basis. I try to keep it light and funny and to the point and I love that most of my readers appreciate that. At this moment it is raining outside and I am sitting in a partly dark living room, drinking some chamomile tea and blogging away getting ready for the chaos that will soon hit our house. Football game on the TV, loud Italians drinking wine, a few toddlers getting into all my shit and 2 huge ass dogs looking for any type of food that will eventually land on the floor......And you know what? I would have it no other way.....

Have a super day everyone!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Black Friday more like.....

bulls shit Friday....I am amazed at the people who actually get up at the crack of dawn and now late on Thankgiving Day {which is sooo not cool} in order to get what some people think is a deal. Really folks how much do you really save?  I mean I would definitely get into with question. If you really take the time to check shit on line you can get the same prices on most of the time...Half the merchandise is marked up in order for them to mark them down for the sales so you think you are getting a deal...and yes I used to work retail so I know this for a fact...sorry but that is the way it is. I don't get the fascination. I call this panic shopping, they hype the sales and make it sound so good all you wanna do is go out there and get whatever they have advertised to the hilt.

Does saving $20.00 on a cell phone/sweater/toy whatever merit the time in line, getting up early and freezing your ass off really worth it? Maybe, maybe not. I mean were I live the cost in gas, the traffic and the HUGE parking $$$ and just the out of control crowds - FrEaKs me the fuck out....I guess I am jaded because I worked for so many years in this industry ...I mean I hated....*despised even  - shaking fist* Christmas for the longest time because of Black Friday. I wanted to punch Santa Clause in the face and ram holly branches up Rudolph ass. If I heard Silent Night I would go into shock and Jingle Bells sent me into a such a panic I would start foaming at the mouth.  Sad but true...I never truly enjoyed the holiday season. I am just now {slowly} beginning to enjoy Christmas...But I do not want to hear about it until after Thanksgiving......Not the day after Halloween...dammit.

I think this is getting a little out of control especially this year..some of these stores are opening Thanksgiving night which means employees do not get to spend time with their families...which is what this holiday is all about ....right????? Spending time with family...not spending time with annoying, rude out of control customers while your still trying to shake off the turkey coma your in. I get that this holiday is important to retailers but at what point is enough enough?  I have heard some of these deal obsessed crazed shoppers are so out of control that people get into fist fights. Can you imagine being an employee trying to make a living and not only having to deal with being over worked and put into a pressure situation by your managers but having to referee crowds of unruly shoppers. Yeah ......that says friggin holidays all the way.....
Damn it........ they are playing that friggin Black Friday Walfart Walmart commercial again...Pfffttt don't even get me started on "that place" which I have deemed the demon seed.....I will save that for a totally different day and post.

Peace out......

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Hot wife.....

and not so hot or funny pudgy hubby. Have you noticed the double standard of Hollwood when you watch some of these shows/movies. The other night I was watching I think it was called Couples Retreat. There was this part were the couples had to shed their clothes for some truth yoga bull shit on the beach. And surprise, surprise all the women had these little tight bodies and the dudes were all overweight, doughy and not cute to look at - well maybe except for Vice Vaughn. I have noticed that this is an alarming trend in pop culture and really a big in La La Land TV/Movies. Why is it that? Why is it that the wife/girlfriend have to be hot and put together and the hubby is a some Joe Schmo who is not cute and not in the best shape? I mean I know some of these are older sitcoms but...still it bothers the crap out of me. It is like the gray hair are distinguished and woman are just plain old.Why does this happen and were does it come from? I mean I know that most of  these are filmed in Southern California the land of the older out of shape man and the fish lipped trophy wife. Mmmmmm could it be just me I think not.

Today and tomorrow is going to a busy, busy day. Have to go to the grocery store early this am and I am scared. Based on what I saw yesterday when I was just picking up milk for the little ones the store was a nightmare. We got the organic turkey from the butcher so were picking that bird on Wed now I need to go and get all the other shit that is needed for gobble gobble day. The table has already been set and decorated in my head and the menu planned. Trying out a new dessert a torte that just looks fabulous and yummy. After this lovely holiday of bird debauchery I need to get my ass back to the gym full time. I have not gained any weight and actually lost but I do not feel that I am pushing myself to my full potential and it is time to start kicking some ass.

Happy Tuesday Y'all

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Sugar Pop.......

This is what the kids looked like after a few hours of  "S"
Yesterday was a super hectic day it was my nephews birthday party and it was a day of activities, party and the dreaded kid drug "S" - SUGAR! My little one and I think every other kid at that party has very limited exposure to massive amounts of sugar. They don't do fast food, certain type of juices not happening and forget about regular candy...I know we are weird but living in CA you can't help but get on the healthy train with your kiddos it is much better for them in the future not to be exposed to junk food on a daily basis....We keep that for special occasions only. So with that being said yesterday was a junkies dream. I have never seen so many hyped children in one place...remember I am a newbie with the whole kid thing and before I had my little one I just could not be around a massive amount of kids without unlimited amounts of liquor. Now that I am a mommy things obviously have changed like many others before me we learn to assimilate and deal....with unlimited amounts of liquor.

It was a good day...saw allot of peeps I had not see in a bit and it was fun catching up. Made some goodies for the party and my first time make of cheesecake cupcakes were a HUGE hit. I mean huge hit and I am patting myself on the back because I take pride in my baking. I also made some cupcakes {these were from a mix} yes I know shame on me - I do not EVER use mixes {all my cakes, cookies, pies, tarts are from scratch}.   However for some unknown reason I cannot get my cupcake batter to do what it needs to do....anyone out there have a easy full proof one please let me know.

Below is a list of the "S" consumed by my darling daughter yesterday

  • The Devil Juice - Capri Sun - 2x
  • Plain M&M's thank you Dad {yes being sarcastic}
  • Half a piece of cheese pizza 
  • I think hubby might have given her a half a hot dog
  • Peanut M&M's
  • Bday Cake 
  • Unlimited amounts of Pirate Booty 
  • And did I mention the devil juice?

So after that massive amount of shitty food, we release the bugged eye sugar cracked out toddlers to the one place that has more germs than a gas station floor - the bouncy house. Yes the beloved bouncy house. The place were you can leave the kids for a bit while the parents take a break and have themselves several glasses of vino. I shudder at the amount of snot that I saw bounce up in down and projectile onto other kids in the god forsaken bouncy castle yesterday, not amount of Purell could ever take care of that much snot. F*ck I just got myself and LDG well...damn.

LDG finally came crashing down at about 5:30 and boy did she crash...she was done..finito, cooked. She had a great time but it was time to go home. The weather is rainy,cold and gross today so I see a fire some cozy sweats and some time with the family. All in all a pretty fantastic weekend. Need to rest up and get ready for the massive cooking we all have coming up in the next few days. Gobble...gobble!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Yep once again WTF Friday......

and the weekend is just around the corner.  I need to add an extra punch this week just in case we will be without  WTF next week...I do not know in what condition I will be in the day after Turkey Day - usually two things happen.
So hungover from the pre turkey prep wine drinking that I cannot get myself out of bed or I am in such a food coma that I cannot think  - nuff said
So here we go chicas and chico's another week of the weird, the twisted and the plain WTF?????
  • Who the hell gave this dumb biatch another dog? This is the same little spoiled brat Farrah who gave up a dog last season on Teen Mom with out batting an eye and she went out and get another poor animal. Ahhhhh has this world gone insane - don't you love the way I took a pic off my magazine so classy.....

  • Who the f*ck was the brilliant mind who came up with these tanks they call grocery carts....BTW they do not keep the kids busy all they do is make it impossible to move around the aisles and makes other shoppers want to shank us with a turkey baster. It also make it easy for kiddie hands to grasp glass jars of pickle - not a good thing *clean up aisle 7*. My daughter wanted out after only 10 minutes.....Thank God!

  • Can someone please explain to me how vacations attack? 

  • Ok I am all down for you protesting  - do your thing....However their is no EXCUSE for you being filthy dirty asses and not picking up after yourselves. Pick up your garbage and clean up.... respect your fellow humans. And by the way if you are going to protests own and don't cover your cowards
  • We get, we get it your cutting edge and trendy but can you please try and toe down some of the weird outfits . Such a pretty girl with talent her outfits just distract from that
  • Kat Von D awwww really you just discovered the 19th chick that Jesse James cheated on you while you guys were "engaged" but WTF did you expect woman! Once a douche bag always a douche bag. I guess love is blind!
  • Their is no word for the dumb a**hole who called 911 because his cell phone was not working...were you high or just plain stupid. Someone should be allowed to beat you over the head with your phone maybe it will knock some common sense in yer" ass.
  • Dear Life and Style magazine I will not be renewing my subscription with your mag - I received this headline mag almost a month too late WTF dudes this head line is long and gone

  • Why...Why must toys be packaged in 75 different types of plastic thingys it takes me a friggin hour to unwrap one of my kids toys - STOP it is so frustrating

  • How do you show up for an interview in a pair of jeans and flip flops - are you insane?
  • OK can someone explain to me what the hell the below is all about - pull your f*cken pants up this is not cute or sexy just makes us wonder if you shit your pants

  • I know that peeps are always trying to watch their waist lines and shit me included....but when you are out at a very nice french restaurant try and not ask the waiter to switch the whole entree to low fat, no carb, no butter HELLO french cuisine *notice the stick eye from waiter* your not allergic to anything and one night of amazing food is not going to wreck your diet...quite frankly you look like kinda of an ass when you do this just get to the gym and work it out

  • To the dumb t*at who said the following "Although divorce is often sad I do somewhat feel "vendicated". Did those words just come out of your hooker mouth Ms. Brittney Jones? knew perfectly well when you boffed Mr. Ashton Kutcher that he was married once again another hooker using the same ol lame ass excuse I did not know. If you fell for the open marriage line than besides being a whore your also stupid.  Take resposibility for your actions you piece of garbage. I am sorry for the harsh words peeps but I have no patience for little girls who go out there looking for this kind of drama, claim wide eye innocent I did not know ___________________*place excuse here* and then proceed to shout from the roof tops what they did with __________________*place celebrity/sport star/politician name here*. I feel bad for Demi - BTW based on Ms.Jones pics on the internet/sex tape this chick was looking for something like this in order to become in her simple little mind the next Kim K. 
  • OK when the hell did thanksgiving sneak up on me???????
Happy Friday Gang......

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Bad Award Mommy........

I have been a bad bad award doing mama. It has been a hell of a month and half. Been dealing with quite a bit of stress in regards to my hubby's job/company but now all that fun stuff has been rectified and we can breath again it is time to get reorganized and refreshed.  Before I know it the damn holidays will be bitch slapping me in the face and the fun ride will begin again. With this being said I need to really get caught up on responding to all the super awesome awards I have been bestowed upon me from some groovy bloggers.  As you can tell from my blog I am not one to follow the rules and I not overly PC so with that being said I am going to give a shout to my girls who were kind enough to think of my blog when passing out these awards. Now if I happen to forget someone please please give me a shout slap back and let me know because it seems to me that with my old age the  memory will be the first thing to take a shit on me.

  •  I received the Kreative Blogger Award from my fellow Italian Stallionette Michael Ann at she is a rock star and her writing always calm me down and  makes me get in touch with my inner peace/self. And with my tude' sometimes it is needed.

  • I received the Tell Me About Yourself Award from Ms. Melissa from part of the accepting of this award it obvi to tell you guys something about myself which I will do at the end of this entry...wooot woot 

  • Last but certainly not least I got my second, second tell me about yourself award from the MILfaliciouse Mama at What more can I say this  mama tells it how it his that is why I heart her blog. 
Now I believe I got everyone once again if I forgot anyone please let me know. Now I know that there are all these rules to accepting these awards but since I consider myself a non rule following "biatch" and peeps out there in bloggland are busy getting ready for turkey day and the remainder of the holidays coming up I am going to break the rules ad make it easy. 

I am going to pass the Liebster award to 5 blogs that I have been following/they can tell us 5 things about themselves and if they want to they can pass it along in a Kreative way they choose. If they feel like doing it or not totally up to them no pressure. Does this sound like a

Here are 5 things about me
  • This might be a shocker now..... I have a bit of an attitude....Don't get me wrong I am a nice person until you bite me once you bite me you are screwed and I do not trust very many people I have seen allot of shady shit and people in my life.
  • I was married a first time many years ago I got married way to young. I am currently married to the love of my life and soul mate. He was the one I was waiting for
  • I wear black 95 percent of the time the other 4 percent grey/pewter and once and a while I will use my 1 percent for a dash of color usually in my huge ass handbags and  shoes. City girl through and through
  • I speak,write and read Italian 
  • I have three tattoos, 17 scars {told you totally clumsy}and I love all things travel. I have been to some amazing places and now wish to explore the good ol USA
The 5 blogs you need to go and check out because they are cool

Have an awesome night

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Kinda Wordless Wednesday........

The other day I was going through some old pictures and I came across this one. I remember this day so clearly. I was in the process of painting the downstairs bonus room I was half way done {I was doing this all by my lonesome}. My hubby went downstairs to check on the progress in the am before he left for work. Went I got up that morning I put on my painting overalls getting myself ready to complete the job. To my surprise hubby had written the following on the wall with paint.

Ti Amo which means I love you in Italian. I totally lost it that day. It was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me.  I know you are about to gag but it is things like this that makes me thank my lucky stars everyday that I found "the one". Happy Hump Day

Feeling the love......