Why are so many people...

scared of the dentist? I ask myself this question every-time I have to go. I literally have panic attacks just thinking about my appointment that is coming up. I break out in a sweat, can't sleep, all I think about until I get into the dreaded office is what the hell they are going to find this time and what the hell kind of hell will I be put through.  Every.single.effin.time I go to the dentist they find something. Be a new cavity, a root canal that was not settled properly and or some other shit I can never just go to the dentist get a cleaning and be on my way. I have been terrified of the dentist since I was a kid - maybe it was because one time in when we were Italy {not a place known for stellar oral care} I was slapped in the face by one because I had no idea what the fuck was going and and what he was doing - so yes ma'am I was a bit over the top scared - but for fuck I was a 7 and he put his hands on me. In those "days" I guess that is how shit was done in the old country - if that shit happened to day it would be filmed, placed on YouTube and his ass would be in court. SO from that point forward the seed was planted and too me the dentist was the EVIL one. Every single dentist appt for me was hell - this was the time before Yelp and people placing reviews so you knew what you were getting. It was a toss up who the hell you ended up with. I went in for cavity refills that would take 4 hours because dental centers would stack their appts. and you would end up with one dentist doing about 6 clients back and forth. I had dentist drill into my exposed nerve because they did not give me enough Novocaine. I have had dentist fill my tooth were the root was still not killed and let me tell you you do not know what pain is until you have experienced that. Let's just say most of the dentist I have been to have SUCKED balls. Awful just awful some of these offices look like they have not been touched since the late 50's and it scares me to step into the chair.

All I see is this when I am at the dentist

I also have a mouth for whatever reason that gets cavities very easily even when I brush and kind of floss. I need to get better at the flossing thing and going to the dentist every 6 months but when you have anxiety just thinking about going in it makes it crazier to go.  I had found a great dentist 2 1/2 years ago -  I moved and he retired so now I have to work myself into a frenzy with a new one and need to get that trust level before I feel "safe" again. Being in that chair with those little pointy sharp things coming at me makes me feel out of control and vulnerable.  The thing I am trying to do is suck it up for the sake of my daughter. I do not want her to have the same fear that I experienced. Even when I go to GG's dental appt. I break out in a sweat. But let me tell you if I had the kind of dental office my daughter had I would not have this fear today. I make sure I drill {ha ha} into her that she needs to take care of her oral care so she does not end up with a bunch of crap her mom has had to go through.

So today is going to be a doozy for me - I just want to get in that chair and get it done and over it. Why do I have a feeling this is going to be a long ass day.....

No quick fix....

Why do some members our society want things to happen so quickly?  I get it we live in a 24/7 kind of society only made worse with the damn all mighty smart phones, I pads and social media where news is recycled at lightning speed.  We must have everything NOW...we must HAVE it now...Now Now Now Now NOW. Fuck when as a society did we become so fucken impatient?  

Yep,  I am ranting today{so what else is new} about the quick fix "diet" industry  - between shakes, teas and pills we think we can get instant results and our quick fix and the results if any will magically last forever.  If I see the Marie Osmond diet plan commercial one more time I will scream....AHHHHH I swear it just came on as I was posting this!  In order to trim up and get healthy you need to MOVE YOUR ASS {this does not include what you do for a work} and cut down on your calories. From sweets, to effin crodonuts to pizza with everything on it except what the eff is supposed to be on it and YES unfortunately alcohol.   I do love my wine but I have cut dramatically in the last few years. YES I do have my weekends where I need a break and I go balls out but those days are few and FAR between - but you know what sometimes mommy needs to let loose.  I cut down because of the calories - I cut down for my health. I also went from drinking white/rose to red in order to cut the sugar once again for my health- I am a 45 year old mom to 5 year old and I need to be on my game. I had to overhaul  my total lifestyle in order to make it stick. I lost about 20 pounds in the last few months I have about 15 more to go BUT I promised myself  that this time I would take this journey slow and steady. On this "I am doing it my way plan" I will not deprive myself and I will NOT get on the scale every week   - every other or monthly to keep track. I believe scales are Satan Spawn of Hell and should be destroyed however in order to keep track I must play with the scale not worship the scale. 

NO tea, no shake, no diet pill and no overnight magic diet plan will keep the weight off  for good unless you balls to the walls and put in some HARD work.  Do you think I like getting up and getting tortured twice a week with a trainer who makes my body feel like jello after my time with her. And getting up the other 3 am's  and going to work out whatever cardio I decide to do that day.  Do you think that I like zucchini noodles more then fresh awesome deliriously delicious tagliatelle   - drool . NO I EFFIN DON"T but I do it because I know that is the way to get it done.  The days that I "crack" bake because I have the urge to bake all day I have my husband take all the goodies to work because I do not want them sitting in the house.  Their are days after work outs where I am iced from my neck down to my calves it hurts and it sucks but you know what I am MOVING MY ASS daily if I can. I bought a bike and instead of driving everywhere I am now biking to locations that are near enough for me to bike in - thank goodness I live in a very bike friendly community and I do this with  my daughter in order to give her a base on how to take care of her health. And that moving is GOOD. 

I do it because it makes me stronger, quicker, healthier and keeps my head in a clear happy place. I will never be super skinny again - my body frame does not allow that and I am not willing to starve myself like I did years past in order to fit in a size that society says I must be in.  To this day I still suffer problems with my stomach for the damage I did years ago. I also want to teach my daughter a healthy lifestyle not a dangerous lifestyle. 

 A shake{tea pill whatever}  is not going to make you lose inches magically in two weeks if this was the case we would not have the issues with weight we have in this country. You might lose some weight with whatever magic bean you decide to try but so sad to break it to you most of that time it is water weight and you can believe your ass you will gain in all back and then some in less than two months. WHY do I say this because I know. I have gone through all of them from the cabbage soup diet, pills and eventually not eating and surviving on coffee and many packs of cigarettes during that horrible part of my life. I lost a massive amount of weight in a short amount of time for my body frame.   I was a size that I think I have never been and I looked gaunt and older than my years. I did not realize at that time that I had a minor eating issue.  I developed a massive phobia about food and about every calorie that I put in my mouth.   I was a human calculator of food. I did not workout during this time all I did was not eat much - carrots were my new BFF.   It was hard to break the habit but I did it and I did it on my own. It was hard but I eventually got better. Even though to this day I still feel guilty when I over indulge and I bust my own balls about what an asshole of food I was on a particular weekend. If I could shake people and tell them instead of paying out your butt for 310 Shake take that money and put it towards a trainer or a gym membership.  Do yourself a favor and get off the quick fix roller coaster it helps your body and mind in the long run. 

Peace 

Kindergarten Wars....

Remember the days when your mom brought you to your first kindergarten class you would just show up and they would admit me you?....Yah well those days are over especially in the area of the Bay that I live in.

 I thought PreK was a fight but it was nothing to the war of getting into kindergarten. I started this fight in early September 2015 checking out he local public schools after seeing, researching and investigating decided that the private route was to be the road for my little one. This is OUR preference not for everyone however a good portion of our local public schools are just not cutting it sorry. I don not know how it works in other parts of the country but I know that here in the lovely ass, expensive,  over crowded as hell part of my Bay Area this is our best option. Some of these public schools are so overcrowded 40 kids per class one aid and one teacher how is that possible. I am not even going to go into it because I do not know that much about the public school system but what I have seen personally we did not like.

So off we started looking at private schools and fortunately we found three that we really liked. With the 3 in our pockets I started booking tour dates as early as November 2015 for admissions in 2016. Yep almost a year just to book tours and get into the "system" and to view campus and see what it is all about. Now I am very familiar with the private/catholic school route I myself attended 12 years and besides a few minor things I really enjoyed my time there. I still have friends from grammar school as well as friends I communicate daily and still are friends with from high school. I also like that for 9 years you do not have to worry about looking for another school {because after the kindergarten process you need about a 9 year break}. I am not a fan of the K-5 then middle, then HS. I believe {no I know for a fact} that {some} little girls become evil little monsters during that 5th grade middle school transition - blame the hormones, Between the tours, the interviews and the assessment/interview of our little one it has been one crazy ass ride. I feel like we are interviewing for college. Some of the schools are super competitive and you sometimes get many admissions for very few spots.  It is almost like some kind of sport. Now I do not know what it was like a few years ago in the area but I know now that it has gotten pretty bad...we are overcrowded and our lovely area is in a building frenzy, their are not enough schools to support the boom of the modern day Gold Rush we are experiencing here in the bay Area. That is what happens when the whole damn world wants to live here. Of course we have a few quakes here and there - and we are on a 4 year emergency drought but that is not stopping herds of people moving into this area. 

We have gone through some stress - Tours, interviews for your little one and yourself, assessments to make sure your child is ready emotionally and mentally for the next step and for the school. It has been quite a joy ride without too much of the joy. This kind of stuff can really play hell with your schedule as well as take a toll on you emotionally. We now have completed all that we needed to do and are sitting waiting patiently for the results. It almost feels like your waiting to get picked for the dodge ball team and hopefully you will not be the last person picked. Wish us luck!!!!

****Note as of the end of last week we heard back from all three schools and my little one was accepted to all. It will be time to make that decision. So thrilled and think about it 9 years UNIFORMS no BS what the hell am I going to wear every morning with this already fashion obsesses little one. 

Cleaning Up.....

As you can see their is a new spiffy layout for my blog.  Needed to clean it up and bring into the year 2015...... a little late I might add...Same fun ass post and allot more often since I am making the time to post. My little one is no longer a toddler and my ass is no longer a new mom. I have been recruited into the no she did in moms. Life has gotten a bit more hectic and just keeping up with my little ones activities, school and social schedule has been at sometimes overwhelming. Girl has tons of friends and it is hard to believe that she ins only 5. I have now become the chauffeur and the social calender keeper. Oh well. A few updates on what the hell has been going on around here.

a. My little GG is now a little girl - she has the eye roll down pat and the little one and her friends have broken into my shoe & purse closet many times and have been playing a whole lot of dress up. My sunglasses are not safe and where the f*ck did 5 year olds learn how to take and pose for a selfie.....She is heading to kindergarten and the hell of having to apply to schools has taken 10 years of my usually semi wrinkle free face {that will be a whole post of the terrors of kindergarten applications and what we need to do in our area of the Bay to get our kids in good schools}.

She is involved in many activities and takes jujitsu twice a week so she can learn how to kick a guy in the nuts without any visible marks. She is becoming tough and I love it. This keeps mama happy knowing she will have to shoot a mothereffer down if they touch my daughter. I do not think I would look good in prison orange jumpsuit. I do not believe how quickly time has gone by. Everyday I am amazed on what an amazing little person she has become. Parenting is rough and sometimes you double guess yourself if you are doing a good job or not. But when you see the results your like "OK I got this"   - sometimes you have to pat yourself on the back because not many peeps will do that for you....So to all the moms out there busting their asses daily this pat pat is for you.

b. As you know from some of my posts from a few days ago I am going through some "beginning changes" of life BS....Eff you totally nightmare however getting a bit better for this week. I can't guarantee next but hey that is why I am busting my ass working out and keeping everything zen like sometimes it is hard because you know what it is called LIFE and not everyday can be peachy keen and whip cream all the damn time...If you see that as negative well tough SHIT and move on you can go read the rainbow and unicorn blogs somewhere else....I have lost 20 pounds{and continue to count on more} via most of the time clean eating, trainer, working out/power walking  and my new kick ass cruiser bike. I bike everywhere I can when I can. I am sick of the car and sick of sitting in stupid overcrowded traffic. With the side streets I can go anywhere I want. I look like super dork with my flower helmet...but in this town it is better then brains splattered  on a sidewalk. GG and I take the bikes and we are off. It is liberating to be able to get on a bike and just go. Cruise feel the wind on your face and checking out all the really neat hoods - it makes me happy and that is all I need right now. I use flax seed, chia seeds and yes now some hemp seeds. I take a butt load of vitamins daily and trying to keep this change of life as natural as I can. I have said this once and I will say it again...this is what works for me...I personally do not trust many doctors anymore - It got really bad after what I saw my mom go through while she was fighting her way through cancer. You do not forget shit like that. I am not saying all doctors are the same however for ME right now the natural way of doing things has worked and with the changes I have made to my lifestyle things are looking way up.

c. Husband is doing great, the company is on fire and he is one busy man. We are great together and he still loves me even with all the weird things have been going on with my emotionally charged life. You know you have a good one when he puts up with this shit and is there for you through thick and thin. For better or worse. He loves my craziness and to this day he tells me on most days that I am his own walking reality show. I love him more today than I ever have. 15 years and counting. He is an amazing dad and GG worships him.

d. Family is doing well. My dad is kicking it at 74 and him and his girlfriend have been traveling the globe. I miss my mom always but his girlfriend is a good egg and he needs someone at this age to keep him active and moving around. So far he is having a good time. My brother and his family is great and my daughter is getting to grow up with her cousins really close by. So God Bless and positive vibes on that end

e. I will again be going through some changes in a few months my beautiful daughter will be entering her new phase of life and going to kindergarten...I see her everyday and everyday she changes. She is growing up so quick and I am so fortunate that I get to be home to see her evolve. I made the decision to stay home when we had her - remember I was 40 when I had her she was going to be my only little one and I felt what worked for us as a family was to have one parent at home. We thought long and hard on this and I now know that it was the right choice for us. I am working on trying to figure it all out...but one day at a time to see where this next path in my journey will bring me. Own business, volunteering, who knows....we will see when it happens...all I know is I choose that stress is no longer going to be a part of my life....day to day...one step at a time.....

That is the roll up for now.....I am excited to start writing again and getting my feelings on the screen...I did not realize how much I missed it until I started up again. I get to release.

Cheers peeps.......

Move...

bitches and I use bitches in the most loving of terms as I would girlfriend...this is how we do it in Cali...As you know I have been going through some major hormonal changes can we say American Werewolf in London changes. Now their is no shame in my game and I have been so open about what I am gong through something that I think more women need to do - we are made to feel ashamed of this natural part of life.  I am going through this with a naturopathic doctor below is a description of what they do. Basically I go to a regular OBGYN to get my huu ha and a script for a mammogram. The rest I trust an ND. I have nothing against Western medicine however when it comes to hormones and the shift of a woman we need to learn in this country that what a MD says is not the all that ends all. I have been through 6 GP's and OBGYN in the last few years they all have SUCKED and I mean SUCKED. Most of the time they do not listen to you, they do not even dive into your health history before scripting you whatever they want to script you in order to take care of it based on what has worked with woman A, B, or C. They they wonder WHY the so many people are addicted to meds. They med for anything. I went to the GYNO the other day in order to interview to see if I would like this one. Once again she generalized me and suggested that I should go on Prozac for the PMS/Pre symptoms I was showing 10-12 days before I started my period. - Is this ALL doctors have become - legal drug pushers for the drug companies....Mmmmm sure does sound like it doesn't it.  I refused. I would rather sweat it out the natural way that become addicted to a chemical that would ricochet my body back to hell after the 12 days. Are you fuckin kidding me....I know women who are on this shit that continue to take it in order not to go through the withdrawals which I gather suck donkey balls.

 Naturopathic physicians combine the wisdom of nature with the rigors of modern science. Steeped in traditional healing methods, principles and practices, naturopathic medicine focuses on holistic, proactive prevention and comprehensive diagnosis and treatment. By using protocols that minimize the risk of harm, naturopathic physicians help facilitate the body’s inherent ability to restore and maintain optimal health. It is the naturopathic physician’s role to identify and remove barriers to good health by helping to create a healing internal and external environment.
Naturopathic physicians work in private practices, hospitals, clinics and community health centers. NDs practice throughout the United States and Canada. Qualified naturopathic physicians undergo rigorous training before they become licensed health-care practitioners.

For the last month my schedule was over run with a colds from hell, birthday parties,  schedules changes,  activities, massive tours, interviews and kindergarten assessment. Pushing my schedule way to the back something we moms tend to do. Everyone sanity before moms sanity.  So my work out schedule got deflated the more days that I did not w/o the more days I did not feel like working out it was one viscous ass circle. I made a decision that I come first it might sound selfish however if I am not in prime form my family is not in prime form. So this week I got back on the horse and everything else comes second and this is the way it is going to be from now on.  I feel so much better this week then I did last week the exercise alone has gotten me out of this tired as hell funk.  I feel so much more alive and back to my half way normal self.  I  even bought a bike this weekend and because our weather is amazing here most of the year I can bike ride to grocery stores, farmers markets and anywhere I want to go. The more exercise I get the better I cannot STRESS enough ladies that if you go through torture PMS and the beginning stages of Peri Meno. 

My ND{God Bless than woman}  has put me on some awesome vitamins{which have helped with my energy}and with the clean eating and garbage removal I am doing this will be a stepping stone into a better place. Yes  - this is a longer process with vitamins and herb drops but you know what patience my darlings....it will come...The problem with this country is we want everything to happen quickly now now now - re charging and re wiring your body the natural way takes time but when it does you will be so glad you did it without chemicals.  I am telling you I was the LAST person who would ever be preaching this - I am not a fan of the tree hugger way of doing things but when your backed into a wall {I have been suffering with really bad PMS for over 3 years} you will try anything in order not to be "medicated" and when I did research and continuing research,  read the reviews and heard of the many positive outcomes you bet your effin ass I mad an appt - and it worked, it worked for me and it continues to work for me to this day. 

WHAT I am basically saying is MOVE ladies even if it is for only 20 minutes get your asses out...and NO shopping at Costco for the week is not exercise. Get out if you can and move if you cannot get out because of winter weather and you have cable look up the yoga, stretching and cardio they have On Demand. Moving is what will keep your endorphin's happy and will keep you healthy.

hormones that make you happy

• Serotonin: Serotonin is sometimes called the happiness hormone. Serotonin regulates the mood, prevents depression and makes you feel happy. Serotonin can be released by getting exposed to sunlight, by eating foods rich in carbohydrates and by exercising.
• Endorphins: Endorphins can make you feel good, reduce your anxiety and your sensitivity to pain. Endorphins are released by exercising
• Dopamine: Dopamine helps you to feel mentally alert. The lack of it might cause lack of attention, lack of concentration and bad moods. Dopamine can be released by eating foods that are rich in protein.
• Phenylethamine: Phenylethamine is the hormone that results in the feelings we get in the early stages of a relationship. Cocoa beans contain Phenylethamine. eating chocolate might be helpful too.(see Why do woman love chocolate so much)
• Ghrelin: Gherlin is a hormone that reduces stress and can help you become more relaxed. Ghrelin is released when we become Hungary that's why eating too much is not always a good idea. Just eat according to your body’s needs and never fill your stomach completely in order to maintain good Ghrelin levels

Hugs and Kisses