WTF Friday......

Howdy hell week my awesome bloggy friends. It is been one long ass week again and I am kinda glad that it is Friday.  I finally got my Sophia{my laptop} back and she seems to be working pretty gosh I missed her. I am on week 3 of the no wine challenge and you know what I feel fantastic, my work out schedule as doubled and I feel better about myself.  I got through 2 events last week without having a drop of vino and I am pretty proud of myself. The true test will be next weekend - a 40th birthday party and employee appreciation event at my husbands company.....on the same day...If I get through that one I can get through anything. It sucks when you are at an event and can't partake in some vino fun. Whhhhyyyyy must wine be so good......damn you grapes........

• WTF is wrong with Alicia Silverstone...I mean I like the girl but what the fuck is going on with you chewing your food and then placing it into your child's mouth? You are not a f*ckin bird you are a human being...sorry but that shit is just weird. And the naming your child Bear Blue......really I mean even for Hollywood standards that is kinda weird. Check out the grossness right here....Sorry I find this not pleasant  http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/celebritology/post/alicia-silverstone-baby-feeding-video-goes-viral-

• What the hell was I thinking when I decided that art class was a good thing for my daughter. She came home from one last week and decided to sharpie the damn kitchen drawers - I was going to take a picture but because I went into a complete mental shut down as I started to wipe frantically I didn't get one. I am sure their will be a next time.

This will never happen in my house

• They lie the packages were the say it's easy open are NOT...It takes me forever to open a package of friggin Swiss cheese. And don't get me started on all the plastic thingy's on GG's toys. The other day it took me 1/2 hour to get one of her toys out of the damn box. I mean I get the safety thing but damn
• The lottery is up to 540 million dollars. Someone said to me the other day that they would not know what to do with all that money. Come one over to my casa I will show you what to do with it 
• OK MTV I get it might be working out for you but really the 28th season of Real World.....When will this ever end?

• OK no offense to the senior citizen community but who the hell thought it was a good idea to renew a 85's woman's drivers license. I saw something really scary today...This lady almost hit the fruit stand were I was getting fruit. The woman could barely see over the steering wheel. Dear GG when mama gets to be 80 yo mama will no longer be driving. 

• BTW while I am at it WTF is wrong with people who drive with their little dogs in their laps. Dumb a**holes. 

• What the hell is up with people who don't hold the elevator? Even though they see you running for it. Were you born a dickhead?
• 2 weeks ago I had a young man try to pick me up...I informed little man that I was not interested0 and happily married....he looked at me and seriously said I don't mind if you don't. He left me totally speechless which is very hard to do. 
• Can I please say it again what the hell is so cute about this little boy?

• What the hell has become of the awesome movies like Rear Window and Body Double. Films that keep you on the edge and no matter how many times I have seen them  I find myself watching them over and over again when I catch them on the television. 

Happy Friday!

Things I said I would never.....

do that I now have found myself friggin doing......I never thought I would

• Wear ballet or any type of flats not in a million f*ckin years. I walked, ran and lived in 4 inch heels. After GG was born my fat feet could not get back into my diva heels. Once I got my feet back with the amount of walking and lets face it comfort I have not gotten back into the swing of things with my heels. With Gia running her ass off now I do not see high heels in my daily grind anymore. Thank god that there are so many cute options so I don't have to look not cute. I still bust out my bitch heels but not as often as I would like. 

• That I would actually co exist with a cat. Before our little Mia passed on. I told myself that I would never ever live with a eww gross cat {sorry cat people}. I threatened many cats whispering into their ears that they would make a nice purse. After I had the pleasure of hanging out with my husbands cat my feelings for the little shit started to change. She was an awesome cat and I still miss her annoying meows and kitty throw up welcome homes. 

Meow bitches 

• Never ever drive below 65...hello when did I become grandma driving bitch. Any time that I have GG in the car I am so super cautious I scare myself. I pay attention to anything going on the road. Just a few years ago I could apply lip gloss, light a cig, change the radio station and drive all at the same time.

 

• Never watch reality TV - yeah that one worked out real well for me *thumbs up*
• Never thought I would own a dog that was not a bull mastiff or a rottweiler. Hell how the f*ck did I end up with two golden retrievers? They rock BTW and the big one is vicious so I get the best of both worlds. Protective and cute.

You wanna piece of me?

• Use my own spit to clean GG's face...Yeah I am still grossed out by that one
• Going to the bathroom with an audience....Toddler and two dogs giving me the same look as the pic above. I have not been able to go to the bathroom by myself since GG turned 11 months and started walking. 
• Get married again...after the first round rodeo I was put off by the whole matrimony thing but then I found my one true love and we did...we just waited and took our sweet ass time
• Not working to become a SAHM. I was a go, go , go work girl. I wonder sometimes what the hell happened?
• Wear work out gear - and actually work out in it
• Never not flip the pages while reading a book now I download my books on a nook *shame on me*. I miss the smell of books

• Smell my child's butt in public. Come on you know you have done it to!

• Drive an SUV glorified mini van 

My lovely boat which I adore fits 7 peeps and rocks
I get stopped everywhere about people wanting to check it out and  how drives
Awesome 

• Live in mini suburbia 
• Never say "I made you and I can break you" to my daughter when she has a bat shit crazy moment during the day
• Have a baby and shit we know how that one turned out

So what is one thing you said you never would do but have found yourselves doing? 

Good true friends.....

are really hard to find. Yesterday I was FBing with an old HS school friend and while we were doing this a bunch of bad information came up regarding a random old family friend who was just not there for her during her really hard time.  It got me thinking again how truly special true and blue friends are. You know the friends who are there for your through thick and thin, friends that don't becomes sociopath liars and friends you can have conversations with without having a heat on from happy hour. You know those friends. I have learned allot in the few years about people and have learned to be allot more cautious when bringing certain people into my life. It guess it helps that I am clearly thinking and no longer fogged over from the party scene that took over our lives for 10 years. I am now clear headed, healthier, stronger than I thought and definitely in the don't give a shit part of my life. If I got something to say you are going to hear it. I know for a fact that if paths were ever crossed again with certain acquaintances things would not be pretty in the vocal form of communication. So if you have that special true blue gal or guy in your life who has just been your rock and that person who has always been there for you let them know. Because people like that are true gems in our lives and must be truly cherished. I leave you with a post that I wrote a few months back. I decided to re post because I think we sometimes need to think about who is truly in our lives for the long haul or who is just renting space. Peace ladies and gents.

Quality over quantity any day.  I used to be vice versa just a few years ago. I felt the more “friends” I had around me the better.   I felt I needed a bunch of people around me in order to feel accepted. It was so high school it was ridiculous. As you grow up and get older you realize what the meaning of true friendship is. I discovered who I thought were friends of mine {and ours} were just really “acquaintances” at best.  I discovered that women I thought were sisters were actually just fakes – I know you’re like…… this is supposed to be about great friendships between women - I am getting to the point I swear.

I saw the true colors of these friends when the shit hit the fan – when my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung  cancer I saw the light.  I saw women who told me they would always be there for me and I thought were best friends run for the hills. No phone calls to see how my mom was doing, no support calls and just no calls. Even though some of these very friends were welcomed with open arms and homes when they had no were to go for holidays and such. I will always remember the hurt I felt, here I am going through the most painful thing ever and there was no one around. In a way it destroyed the little trust I had for women. My first emotion was to go after them with fists flying  but after calming down I decided they were just not worth the trouble and jail time. Through all this dark “muck”  I was going through at the time quite a few bright lights of hope flashed through and showed me what true friendships are supposed to be. I received phone calls from friends that I had lost contact with because of all the crap of hanging out with certain members of the “group". I got caught up in the bull shit, the bars and the  drama. 

These women checked on me and my well-being and they called to see if they could do anything for me and my fam. They were there when my mom passed away. They showed up at the wake they showed up when I placed mom in her resting place. They were there when I cried myself to sleep for months straight and refused to leave the house because I felt so lost. They were there when I picked up the phone every day to call my mom and realized she was no longer here. They took me out, they helped me out and finally I started to feel better.  One of my friends helped me build the crib and get the nursery ready when my hubby was too busy at work and I too prego to work the drill. She was there to help me with all the things I could not do because my big fat belly was in the way. I had a friends stay with me on the phone while I threw up on a daily basis while she reassured me that this holy hell was all normal. These friends threw me a baby shower and sent many welcomes when baby was born. These friends made the trip across the bridge to see my  little GG when she was first born. These friends have been around when I just needed a hug a glass of wine and a shoulder to cry on.  These to me are true friends, friends that are in your life that make you feel special and loved and that you matter.  There is only a handful in my life right now because I choose it to be that way. I would rather have a handful of really good jelly beans in a jar than a jar of so so jelly beans.

I love all of mine to pieces and you know who you are!  I have learned allot during my 41 42 years and the one thing I did learn is that truly good friends are hard to find…Show them some love and let them know how special they are. 

It wass rough.....

but I got through it! We are now on week 2 of the no wine challenge and I got through two events this weekend without having any wine. I know crazy right....unfuckenbelievable I never thought I could do it but I did it man.....I know that some peeps out there are saying what is the big friggin deal just don't have any wine it is possible. Possible ....yes do am I really into it not so much. Now remember I am not doing this challenge because I cannot handle wine that is not a problem...note I am Italian and wine is just part of our everyday culture I don't drink wine to get drunk I drink a little bit of wine to relax. I am doing this because when I even get a little bit of the sweet grape nectar in my system I want to smoke and that is the one bad habit I do not want to start up again. So I need to re program my body to not crave cigs when I have a glass of wine. Sorry folks I am a foodie and when I go out for pairings at high end restaurants I want the wine that is to be paired with the course not to go to waste.

Saturday we got through it OK even though I wanted a glass bad because my little one is not napping at all so I was little on edge ok allot on edge.  Have you noticed when other people around you are drinking and you are not how super ass annoying some people could be? It is like your watching a really bad movie and you want to go to them and just smack them accorss their face. It sucks period! Sunday was my nieces 1st birthday and since this particular number party is more about the adults than the litttle one there was sangria and of course tons of wine. Did not touch either yeah good times my ass.  The one place you need a glass of wine is around a bunch of screaming kids pumped full of sugar products.  GG has a blast and was in the snot filled bouncy hell house for most of the day. Making it waaaayyy easy for me to hide out in the house with my pops and drink some good old fashioned water...bleh.....

Got to say though I feel fantastic this am in the past if I did indulge on a Sunday even if it was only a couple of glasses I would feel like shit the next day. I am getting ready to head over to the gym to work off the two tacos from the taco stand my bro hired and the piece of really good bday cake I had!

Now I need to get through the 101 events I have scheduled in the next few months but I am a fighter I can do this. Kick ass!

Laptop hospital......

Well it has been a week now that my dear Sophia{yes as in Loren} laptop has been at the Geek Squad hospital.  I am beginning to truly miss her. I am weird and I like to name my electrical devices. My Iphone is Ava as in Gardner

and the Ipad is Rachel as is Welch. Hello can you blame me? I am a huge fan of the old school screen sirens of Hollywood....you know when movies were good and there was actual thought/plot behind them. This is before the remake mania. Hello Psycho with Vince Vaghn{has much as I love you} what was the point?  There is only one Psycho and  that is Anthony Perkins..Period!

I brought Sophia in on Monday because she was acting very weird and sensitive just like me when I am pmsing. I thought it could be the touch pad because every time I tried to double clicked it just did nothing. I went to check on her yesterday and they still have her hooked up to all these power cords and have been running a bunch of virus shit/backup/diagnostic stuff that I don't understand...All I know is I want my friggin Sophia back in tip top shape. I am currently working on my husbands extra laptop which is OK. Sophia is set up and decorated and made for me.....It kinda sucks when you have been working/blogging on the same device for over a year and feel lost without it...So sad that I have become so addicted. My husband was going to take his laptop to work the other day and I freaked out. He is like

"Whoa there honey I am sure you can do something else when the baby is napping {yeah right} and you have a few minutes of your time?"

"Honey do you realize that when I have no one to talk to except GG all day and about after 5 hours of gibberish I need actual adult convo and they way I get it is through my blog?"

"Oh he goes I never thought about it like that..I guess you are right better you talk via blogging then talking my ear off when I get back from work". Ha Ha to you too you to MoFo...said in a loving way.

I never realized how helpful it has been to have blogging in my life for the last year. It has helped me through allot of weird times and I have truly enjoyed reading and getting to know so many people. I will be without my Sophia for another 48 hours and hopefully by then they will have found what the hell is wrong with her. Wahhhhhh

WTF Friday.....

Howdy ho my special special people out in bloggyland. I am here on Friday morning just hanging out and getting some thoughts on paper. It has been a really hectic week as usual. My lovely daughter has decided to go on strike on when it comes to her naps. so It has been 6:00 am until 8:00 pm of some good times. I have mixed her daily activities up in order to get her little ass tired so far it has not worked! So tell me WTF is going on? I would take even just 1/2 but she is giving me NOTHING. Just when I think I got her down she snaps back up...$*&^@(*&!  I am with my child 24/7 sometimes I just want a little time for myself  but with this little one not napping in the afternoon trend I don't think it is going to happen. Preschool starts in 4 months and counting - Oh come one who am I trying to fool you know I am going to be bawling my eyes out when I drop her off on her first day of preschool. Wahhhhhhh.  So let's get this party started.....

• WTF is that feeling called when your in the car and you know that your foot is on the brake but then you think your car is moving and you freak the f*ck out and start breaking and the dude in the car next to you is busting out laughing...so what is that called? Yeah mad a total ass out of myslef....Woot Woot
• Gray away is that just not spray paint?

• I get that that people think the human body is beautiful when a woman is pregnant but I am quite frankly over staring at celebrities on the covers of magazines with their big old pregnant Buddha belly as pretty as they might be

• Why is every movie being made in or being redone in 3D?  You know what if a movie is going to suck it is going to suck in 3D....mmmmm any questions

• Must stop catching up on Project Runway before I hit the hay...I have been having very strange dreams of Tim Gunn, bolts of fabric and needles....Mmmmm yeah.....I know

• Why the f*ck did I waste two hours of my time watching Green Lantern?  Not even the super babealisciouse Ryan Reynold in super tight green tights could save this one.

• People like this should be taken away and placed on stupid island. Man is central Florida {there we are back in Florida again} calls 911 in order to bitch that his wife would not let him check his facebook in peace. I can't even make excuses for people like this who tie up 911 lines for such assine bull shit crap like this. 911 is for emergencies only...say it again with me slowely emergencies only dumb ass!
• WTF can you believe that the below man Gene Simmons has never had a drink in his whole life except for a few sips on his wedding day that is pretty friggin amazing.

• Dear next door neighbors could you please not leave out nasty ass chicken skin in random neighborhood cats bowls {cats don't have owners they just wander the neighborhood looking for food}. My lovely dogs know were they are and gobble the gross ass shit in a split second making it really hard to stop before they do this. If you decide that this not work for you I will leave the nasty ass throw up I have been cleaning up on a daily basis for the last week on your door step. Thank you

Day 7 of 6 month no wine challenge - 173 more days to f*ckin go!

The Big Boob....

fascination. Can anyone explain to me why we as a society are so fascinated with big T-I-T-S? They are everywhere to the left of me and to the right of me.  I can't get away from them.  I see them walking down the street and they are all over the TV and magazines...Not in high fashion magazines because high fashion and boobs do not go hand in hand.  They just sit there and dare you to stare. Look at me, look at me look how big and plump I am na na na na naaaa na!   I do not appreciate  the women who say they have not had "them" done but you can tell from a mile away that those things that do not jiggle and are always at attention were not a gift from above. If you are going to have surgery own it like our dear Joan Rivers.Now I am not faulting people who do the plastic surgery thing hey that is your option as a human being on this earth....however and their is always a but do not bitch when folks stare at your boobs especially when you decide that instead of a tasteful b or c cup you opt to test the law of gravity and get a size quadruple E and decide to show them off in a low cut top.  When you get tits that big you are looking for some attention so get off your stool and accept that this is the route you has a woman decided to take and that the attention is going to follow. To me that type of complaining is the same kind of bitching that I hate to hear when movie stars say " I did not ask for all this attention balh blah blah and paparazzi following me my life is awful."  Dude you have lunch at places like the Ivy and shop Melrose your ass is looking for attention so just stop it.

A few years ago before GG I was contimplating getting myslef a pair. I had always been small up front a nice perky B small enough to get away with not wearing a bra{becasue let's face it girls bras just suck}.  I could wear a "wife beater" *please no freak outs this is a term here in Cali for white tank top it has not other meaning OK?* without it looking tacky. I also had boob envy. How could I not when my mother was obviousely so well endowed and I was not. When my ex husband knew about my insecurites while we were married and when we were going through our divorce made sure he let everyone know that he was finally dating a woman with tits. Whatever....that was just one of the reasons why I left the marrriage. So......yeah I was a bit insecure.

I believe I got over my tity obsession after I had GG and my chest area swelled up like a friggin Macy's Thankgiving parade balloon.  They looked awful and they hurt. My back ached and I could not find anything cute to wear in the chest area. It sucked for 12 months I had to stare at the freaks of nature. They are just now finally back to normal but still way bigger then what they  used to be and I believe that is never going to change. I don't wear overly tight t's becasue all I see is boobies and trying to find a blouse that fits accross the chest is almost impossible I now have to go up a size and get the item tailored. I just finally got back the girls back into a bad ass leather jacket I had in my closet - it took 2 friggin years MAN....WTF!

Ahhhhh the fun things we women get to obsess about......Can I just be a dude for a day? Lol

BTW my laptop is actring very very weird so I will be bringing it in to get checked today. I am currently on my husbands and it is not set up like mine so some things are working and some are not. So if their are some mispelled words take pity on me.....Peace

Happy Friggin

anniversary to my blog biatches. I did not realize this until early early am *next door neighbor is getting the note from hell this morning her damn dog's yappying woke me up last night AGAIN* that it has been one year today that I decided to start this little blog to get some of my feelings, frustrations and other shit out of my twisted little mind.  I cannot believe that it has been one year already were did the time go? It is true that when your having fun time goes by quick.  When I fist started blogging I was so scared that I would royally f*ck up and encounter just a weird group of people out in blog land...I was scared of the unknown but you know what it has been a blast and I have cyber met some amazing ass people. And no we are NOT weird. I would have never thought in a million years that I would enjoy writing as rough around the edges as it is.  I remember the first few days that I began to get followers I was so very excited and the comments have kept my spirits up when needed a kick in my ass and have cracked me the hell up when I needed a laugh.

So I would love to thank all you out there from the bottom of my heart for the continued support and friendship. You all ROCK balls!

Ohhhh God......

this is going to hard but I am taking and putting myself on a 6 month challenge. I was originally going to go on a year challenge but I want to make sure that I set smaller goals for myself instead of a huge one then maybe not getting through it and then feeling guilty and shitty about myself.  So you may ask what my 6 month challenge is going to be....Well let me tell you this one is going to be a doozy -  this is part of my heritage and part of my major social circle and let's face it I have a toddler and once and awhile you need some wine at the end of the day. For 6 months I will be giving up wine and since I do not drink any other liquor besides wine this is going to suck.....yep you guessed it donkey balls...OH GOD help me what the f*ck  - am I thinking clearly?  This is going to suck. Auuuggggggg.

Now let me get this out on the table right now I only drink at social functions but when I do I love to get my wine on and because our social calender has been pretty packed we have had a little bit more fermented grapes in my body then what I have been used to in the last two years. And with wine comes a few other bad habits that I just do not want coming back into my life.

Did not help any that I got this shit in the mail yesterday.
WTF really I am only 42
AND then had to stare at this in People Magazine she is
48 - 48 Freak of nature supermodel 

As you know I used to be a heavy smoker before I had GG I quit cold turkey - like on the couch sick with the smokers flu kinda of cold turkey it was awful  the worst thing I have ever gone through.  Because I am an ex smoker the first thing that clicks in my brain as soon as I have a glass of wine is BOING I need a cigarette. It is awful I know but it is the way an ex smokers brain{or mine} functions for that matter.  And I am not talking one cig either I tend to jump the gun and go insane and the next day I feel like total donkey vomit. My lungs hurt I feel like shit and I feel the difference in my whole body. I am sorry to say but as gooooodd as that cig taste at the time I am having my vino the next days aftermath on my body is just not worth it. With wine comes a slight hangover because after turning 40 my hangovers began to suck big time and with hangover comes eating shitty and I hate to eat shitty. I love veggies fruit and lean protein. But when you have a buzz on you crave shitty food....What is up with that? With being tired I get off my work out schedule and even if I miss a couple of days I can feel a difference. It is a vicious cycle and it is time to re challenge my ass again. I am recommitting myself to working out everyday instead of 3 times a week in order to make sure this happens I am going to place $1.00 in a jar every time I head over to the gym - this idea was placed in my head by Ms. Cyn over at http://thechunkygoddess.com/2012/03/16/pmsn-like-a-mofo-2/. Every two weeks I will unload the jar and I will use the money for something fun we can do as a family.

This one is going to be a toughie not going lie we Italian mofo's love our wine -we have employment appreciation party, a shit load of birthdays, weddings and everything in between however my lovely husband being the supportive soul he is and not wanting me to go down the smoking road again has upped the anti with an extra bonus.  If I get through these 6 months of torture without failing I get a new hand bag...gosh he knows me so well bribery and handbags will work every time..CHALLENGE on. *I am also not going to apologize for my designer handbag addiction not going to happen some people have shoes I have handbags*.

I have had my eye on this little number for months.....I have printed it out the pretty purse pic and placed in 3 mommy locations throughout the house. You are soon to be mine...my preeetttty

1973 Gucci Top Handle 

So wish me luck and I hope will make it!

WTF Friday is back....

Hola my fellow blogland ladies and gents. Hope your week as been awesome and quick. As you all know we have been having some major rain storms here in NCali and GG, the dogs and I are beginning to climb the walls. It is supposed to last through the weekend but I do have some major shopping plans so we are covered for Saturday. I bought a bunch of beading and toys to keep her busy with projects on Sunday so keep fingers crossed that we do not all go insane during this winter storm moment.

• WTF is wrong with California drivers...One bit of rain hits the road and everyone forgets how to drive.  Man the stupid shit I have seen in the last few days is enough to make me lock myself in my home and never leave
• And on the subject matter peeps that think it is OK to to play speed demo on the freeway during a massive rain storm? California drivers cannot drive in bad weather...can you imagine if it we ever have a snow storm...we would be f*cked. 

• How many brain cells do you think I have lost in the last few years watching all this shitty reality TV.....

• Okkkaaayyyy ladies when you look in the mirror and and you see an orange umpa lumpa staring back at you it it time to step away from the self tanner.....I too *shaking head* have been a victim of too many spray tans. 

• I am a pretty germ aware person and I do not like to touch things that are totally grimmy and I love my Purell but this morning when I was working out the guy next to me was wearing winter gloves? Does that strike anyone as weird or is it just me...anyone...No?

• Khloe Kard. on Cheaters????....I love you Khloe but leave the Cheating chase down to Joey Greco..I mean the dude got stabbed in one of his episodes and he kept on filming...What a sport. There is not way you could chase down the cheaters in your 5 inch Louboutin's. 

• So you know how I feel about Jennifer Aniston she is not cute and I do not see were this woman is considered one of the most beautiful in the world {demand recount}..... Her monthly beauty treatments is an astounding $8,000 this does not include her hair appts and her chemical peels that she loves so much. I guess it is a relative but damn that is a whole lotta money to pay for a so so result.

• OK when did it become NOT ok to open birthday presents at a birthday party...I am not understanding were the f*ck all these stupid rules came from???? I guess I am out of the loop...All new to me I guess...On the topic of birthday parties.....Check out the video of a boy yes a boy not a man having his birthday at Hooters? WTF really. I guess this happens allot?  This just does not seem right. http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/114025/kid_celebrates_birthday_at_hooters

• I hate PMS WHYYYYYYYY does it feel like I am "normal" for only 2 weeks out of the month?  I am so damn sick of this shit.......Only Doritos love me during this time 

• I might be losing it but I am about to make a huge change in my life for the next 6 months that may or may not have me losing my shit but I think it is time to make a total health change I am taking 180 degrees no more do overs. Ouch......more to follow on Saturday's post. 

• What is wrong with our society when they actually have a story in the news about a 37 year old cop getting attacked by his girlfriend who threw two dolls at him one a Barbie the other one a Justin Bieber doll. Wahhhhh it bruised his foot and he is all upset. What makes me lmao at this story is that when the newscaster was reporting it he made it sound so so serious.  I am like dude, you got pegged by a friggin Justin Bieber doll how much damage could that possibly do? I mean look at this doll are you kidding me. I would be embarrassed to have my pic out there on the news. Man up Mofo WTF?

Guys this has nothing to do with WTF Friday but I want to make sure that I send a message out PLEASE don't text and drive. I read this article the other night http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/03/13/emy-brochu-texting-mathieu-fortin_n_1343200.html?ref=mostpopularand it brought tears to my eyes. It is just not worth it to text and drive. Nothing is ever that friggin urgent and if you must text pull the hell over or just wait.

Happy Friday 

Ohhhhh Jeff Lewis.....

how I have missed you and your crazy OCD ways and your quick witted mouth. If Jeff had a cult I would become a member that is how much I love him...... OK that is taking it a bit too far but you get what I am saying- click here if you did not know who Jeff Lewis is http://www.jefflewisdesign.com/.  I have watched his show on Bravo {shocker} Flipped Out since it first aired in 2007 and from watching that first show I knew that I was not alone in the world. A frame that was not slanted just so could send me in a tizzy and if a cushion was not fluffed just so could make me feel restless and uneasy. Now I must admit that I have gotten a little better I am not as neurotic as I used to be. Having a little one around the house chills you out a bit, but I do get comments when people come over that my place is always so orderly and neat considering I have a toddler and two huge dogs.  Last night I was watching his new series Interior Therapy and felt right at home. Now can we talk about the MOST annoying woman ever that was on the show last night. She complained about everything and everything stressed her out.  If I was married to this chick I would have a roll of ducked tape handy to seal that trap shut. Her poor husband had no say in anything decor wise that was going on in the house even though he wanted his thoughts heard and was trying to give his opinion on the height of the bed. Ms. Frigid was just not budging. Smack!

So this chick is just bitching about the time and the mess and being a ahole. They are trying to do a major bathroom/master bedroom remodel in a week you signed up for this shit, you knew what was involved and you knew that their were going to run into some problems when trying to do a remodel in such a short period of time.  What the f*ck did you expect Jeff to wave his friggin decorator wand and it be done in like 24 hours?  Think of the guys who have been working their asses off 24/7 to get your white marble bath done. Wahhhhhhhh stop bitching you probably are not paying for a damn thing for this remodel. I would give my eye teeth to have part of my home remodeled by Jeff Lewis. You know that everything he does will always be perfect because in my eyes he is a genius.
So STFU and go with the flow and enjoy the finished product.

Best line of the show : Jeff asks his assistant Jenni {after not a good bathroom tiling job} if she thought he was crazy and she looks at him with this look on her face and says "Do you really want me to answer that?" Classic 

Kinda WW.....

OK I know it might be a little late for Wordless Wednesday but you know what who cares. Check out the fat Barbie orgy that was going on at my house. This is what happens when toddler gets bored on rainy day...I came downstairs and found this pile up on my floor


PSsstt - check out Woody's legs from the Toy Story only man in the bunch....Go Woody

I f8cken hate.....

rainy days I really really do. Rainy days are great for when your hungover or don't have to leave the house to do zilch.  Look not complaining about rain we need it because it has been a very very dry and warm winter.  But rainy days ranks up there on the list of traveling with toddler and going out to eat at a  decent restaurant with toddler. When it rains and you have to leave the house with a toddler it f*ckin sucks balls.
God forbid my little *demon seed could move her ass a little faster when I need her too.  I would have not gotten soaking wet from the front of the house to my car....What no umbrella you ask......yeah you try to hold an umbrella, 2 bags worth of garbage, diaper bag, my purse  trying to keep my dogs from escaping the house and trying to coral a 2 year old and the umbrella is just one more added item to make the trip a total PITA.  On days like this I want to stab my eye balls out with a hot poker. I had to go to the grocery store yesterday.  I got there early in order to beat the mommy rush. My grocery store is packed with mommy's or stay at home daddy's from 10-12 so I try to get there by 8:30 to beat the rush. After that I was like let's check out the indoor jumpy gym to see if I can get GG to work off some excess energy. Mistake....Huge...Big mistake the place was crawling with kids of all ages. I guess today was some kind of school holiday so everyone in my county decided this jumpy gym was the place to be. I was like no friggin way am I staying here it was green snot nose city sick kids everywhere, that is another thing that just makes me wonder WTF keep your friggin kids at home if they are sick,  but that will be a whole other different post. It was also way too crowded with older kids for my little one too be safe. So I brought her home,  unloaded the groceries in the middle of a rain storm with winds that were whipping hard.  I am cussing out the world {shocker}the whole time and just wanting to the day to be over. Oh yeah did I tell you I can barely open my jaw because of the alignment I got the day before - I was speaking from the side of the mouth it was hilarious I looked like Marlon Brando in the Godfather.

The whole day  - whining and bored toddler.   On rainy days I find myself yelling more AND having zero patience for GG.....No nap because she got no activity so she was not tired...and let's face it folks I am not the arts and craft type. I think you need a particular person with patience to do that shit. It bores the crap out of me and GG  - we have tried before. We did some coloring, playing in the play room and Barbies. She took apart my closet about 15 times she was trying on and walking around with my shoes which I cannot lie kinda made me proud.   The dogs are super restless for not being able to get out for their usual hike with me. Their paws tapping on the hardwood floors are like nails to a chalkboard. We just have to do make due with tossing the ball around the house which with two dogs each weighing a 75 pounds each makes for allot of fur flying and mess.....And I detest mess.

It is on days like this were I know why we mommy's sometimes need a drink. So over it......


*Yes my term of endearment for my GG

So yesterday......

was voluntarily torture myself day. Went to the dentist for the first time in years. I was in a state of total drooling anxiety most of Sunday and Monday. Sunday a very good friend was in town so we went out and had lunch and I had a few to many Bellini/wine...I do not drink on school nights period I don't do mimosa or bloody Mary's on Sunday's anymore when you have to take care of a toddler and you feel like shit the next day it makes the whole day miserable. I know the only reason I took it there Sunday is because I was super nervous for the hell that was my Monday dental appt. I got through the first part of Monday with a 1/2 anti anxiety to get me to the dentist. Husband drove me because I could not deal - yes I might sound like a big ol pussy but you know what when you have had the extended dental work that I have had and the shitty dentist  that I have seen it makes you a little gun shy for some dude coming at you with a hook and a gun full of air that you know he will proceed to shoot right onto your f*cked up cavity ridden tooth

I can say this for the amount of time I have not gotten teeth cleaned I did pretty well. One mondo size cavity that has a 50/50 chance of being a root canal we will find next week but knowing my teeth this bitch will be a root canal. I have a cracked filling which he will take care of next when. I am also getting fitted for a night guard because he wants to get my jaw to get better.  My jaw cracks like a mother f*cker and my husband said that last night was the first time he heard it and it freaked him out. The dentist did some jaw realigning yesterday and it was the weirdest thing I have ever felt I am a little sore today but it worked. Yeah so my dentist is awesome and his staff amazing so it did not suck too bad but I still have drilling to go through next week so I am keeping fingers crossed. He did suggest that I take a whole anxiety pill next week because he did notice the look of fear in my eyes. So all in all a pretty fabu day......

I have loved you.....

since Mad Men Jon Hamm you have the looks of Cary Grant and the swagger of  Marlon Brando. But the below makes you me new idol.


Jon Hamm usually steers clear of controversy, but not anymore!

In the April issue of ELLE UK, the Mad Men actor, 40, complains: "Whether it's Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being a f-cking idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you're rewarded significantly."  The idea that reality stars can create successful businesses "doesn't make any sense" to Hamm, who also tells ELLE UK he doesn't' "even consider myself handsome."

Read more: http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/jon-hamm-slams-kim-kardashian-paris-hilton-201293#ixzz1oifEgsPY Read more: http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/jon-hamm-slams-kim-kardashian-paris-hilton-201293#ixzz1oif1as5W

I love that many of  real actors{you know people with actual talent}are coming out and expressing their opinions about this matter. Now I have been pretty honest about my reality TV addiction and I know that I feed into some of this BS but I cannot be the only one out there in TV land  because I alone do not bring in the ratings some of these type of shows get. However I have never gone out and purchased let's say the Paris Hilton Fragrance or the KK handbag collection...You get my drift? I can say that I did not watch the latest season of the Kim and Kourtney and I have never watched anything with Paris Hilton - except for House of Wax but at that point I had not choice I love horror and I wanted to see how badly they butchered the 1953 classic with my idol Vincent Price. But Mr. Hamm is right.  We do reward stupidity....hello Snooki?  Kim and Paris they might be working hared now whatever that might be BUT they became uber famous by making/releasing a sex tape p-e-r-i-o-d! That is what they are known for. What does it say about our society today when in order to become famous you need to show your something something to the world? The blue print to becoming famous

• Make sex tape with D level rapper and or sleezy dude you happen to banging at the moment
• Sex tape/Nude photos get "accidentally" leaked and or stolen/found whatever the term is for that period of time 
• Boing  - You get your own reality show 
• Become famous for doing ziltch Ok not exactly zilch I mean you did do something and someone so I guess that requires a special type of talent.
• Write a memoir. Some of these people are like friggin 25 years of age really your writing a memoir...Mmmmm
• Ride the super famous wave - 1-3 years -  were your picture in Us weekly fetches anywhere from $3,000 to  $10,000 depending on what your caught doing by hidden paparazzi lenses. Everyone loves you and worships the ground you walk on. Your talked about at nausea
• Endorse whatever shitty product they send your way 
• Do something that pisses off the public....Your fans turn on you and your light begins to dim 
• Us weekly is now only paying $50.00 for your pic 
• Your done and do a where are they now show

I mean you can't blame these folks you got to strike when the iron is hot and when you have that much money being thrown your way it is hard to walk away.  And really after you have been on show like Jersey Shore can you ever really get a regular job or go back to living a regular life ever again?  Can you imagine Snooki working at a law office or god forbid as a nurse. Oh my


*Note I feel the need to reiterate that the posts I place on my blog are based on my opinion I have been getting some nasty ass comments which I am all good with keeps things spicy. However I will not respond to anonymous comments if you got something to say by all means say it but man up and use your real email address. Hugs and kisses fellow awesome bloggers