blue this morning....It happens at the beginning of June for me because we live so close to the damn bay we get socked in with fog - we locals here call it June Gloom. While everyone is having fun in the summer time here we are wrapping ourselves in light sweaters. We have been pretty lucky for the weather has been pretty stellar but here we are not even June yet and this stupid ass fog starts rolling in and taking over. It is depressing and friggin annoying since only a 2 minute care ride heading north over the hill it is clear and sunny. One of the only down sides of living so close to the ocean. Not going to lie feeling a little out of it this am and feeling like I have no control over my life right now. I guess it is because GG is starting preschool soon and I will be heading into her being in school 3 days a week for 3 hours in the am which if you think about it from the time I drop her off and I do my gym thing and run errands it will be time to pick her up again.
But still it is giving me allot to think about. I kinda feel useless and once again out of control. I have always worked out of the home always. I have had a job since I have been 14 years old and for the first time in my life I have been out of the work force for almost 3 plus years and that it scary to me. I am in the process of doing some side baking work but this venture is a long way from being complete especially with me starting to do it only on a part time basis... Hopefully it will work out but the unknown is always frightening. I am in no means complaining I have an awesome husband who provides and takes care of both GG and I but I can't help but feel I lost a bit of my independence when I left the work force. This is the way I am feeling right now which sucks because I am usually a pretty up beat person. I feel like I am in some kind of weird limbo? Having no clear direction in life I am feeling a little bummed. But I guess this is something most stay at home mamas go through. I am going to try and snap out of it today for the sake of GG. I am heading to the gym to get my cardio on too see if that will help then it is off to her mini gymnastics class which she loves, going to walk the pooches then it is off to run some errands.
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer.....I am going to snap the shit out of it today and be back to my usual bitch ass self tomorrow.....Peace
5 comments:
Hope you are upbeat tomorrow instead of beat up!
I prefer the funny sassy (it's an age thing) Mommy Bags!
Cranky Old Man
Sending you hugs my friend! I am sure you will be back to yourself tomorrow!
Come visit me in MS if you need some sun! I can't remember the last rain we had!
Or treat yourself to a little something special!
hang in there - it gets better and easier and it sounds like you are looking to the future - baking is a happy place - lots of work - but a happy place!
Yes, you better snap out of it!! :-) Don't worry...I'm sure you're just having one of those days from all the fog...you'll feel better soon and don't worry. I predict you will adore the time to yourself if you can get over feeling guilty about it!! :-)
I hope you have a much better day tomorrow. I totally understand the gloomy weather getting you down, the same thing happens to me. I hope your mood got better as the day wore on.
And I am sure you will miss little GG once she is out of the house for a few days a week, I am sorry to hear you are struggling with the no work thing though. I hope everything works itself out for you *hugs*
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