Don't you love.....

the kind of reading material I have by my place of slumber....Mmmmmm makes you wonder. I am so damn happy that it is Friday. I am tired, irritable and ready to get this first part of the holiday season over and done with. I have learned this week that if I ever tried to become a hermit I would completely lose my shit. I have been taking care of my dad during the day (hip surgery) and been holed in the house with my toddler daughter, cranky dogs and an even crankier toddler. She has been away from her toys, her routine and her norm. Mom has been away from her gym, her norm and her sanity. If I watch one more soccer game and here one more Italian news caster I am going to scream. I love my dad now don't get me wrong but damn I just am not made for hanging in the house all day I am just not that person. I am an out and about type of chick.

The drive home from my dad in traffic is an hour with the rain add on a 1/2 hour it makes it for a very long ass day since I get here any time between 7-8 am and leave at 6:00.  I need to get ready for turkey day which in my house means major prep about 4 days worth. I guess I just need to bitch it out I really do not have many people I can talk to about this so it does feel good t vent on my blog once in a bit. I know it will get better I am not a hippy by any means but I am off to sniff some lavender essential oils to calm my ass down..

Peace and love bitches!

The favorite child.....

The obvious favorite in this family 

There are days that I think I should have had another little one right after GG being 40 when I had GG it seemed better that we stopped at one.......anyway we are convinced that GG was some sort of miracle that happened one dirty Las Vegas weekend.  In a way I am happy that I am raising an only child because I would never want me little one to go through the favorite child thing. Now I am no saying that all families participate in this "ritual" but being that I come from an super off the boat*and yes I can say this* Italian family it should not shock anyone that my brother was the favorite and I was and will always be the black sheep. Now this was not a huge problem between my dad and I but when it came to my mother my brother could do no wrong and even though I placed my life on hold for almost a year to help my dad take care of her when she was diagnosed with cancer I felt that I would never live up to how she saw my brother through her eyes. It was not my brothers fault he just happened to be born...male........ in an Italian family.

It was apparent to anyone who came around that my brother was king and I was not just being paranoid. Anything I did was never good enough. I always took care of myself when it came to looking for work and getting my resume ready for the field I one day dreamed of working in.  I got a part time job when I was 14 at the local mall to save money for a car and other fun stuff teenagers like to spend their pocket money on. I was never a huge school person I had too much energy to sit for an hour on math*I hate math and still do* and history my mind was of the creative sort I did well in art, design, and literature. I was not a sports person just was not my bag of beans I thrived in my merchandising and production classes.  I tried my very best to win my mothers approval but no matter how hard I tried I never got the pat pat on the back my brother would get on a daily basis. Some parents out there might think that something like this will not affect in years to come but it remains with you forever ...and today it still hurts. I remember when my mom used to tell me not to drink wine because it made you fat she did that because she knew that would sting always one for being paranoid of my weight this one hurt...I even went through a bout with eating issues a few years back because I felt that never was the image of what my mom wanted me to be.  To this day even with the working out, being healthy and going  I drink a glass of wine my moms voice goes through my head. My brother drank in front of her all the time and she never said one word to him. I can go on with the many double standards that used to go on in my home when it came to my brother but we would be here forever. Any other person out there who has gone through this knows exactly what I am talking about.

Maybe that is why during my high school years I decided f*ck it. I would become the black sheep that I was made to feel in my home. Follow the rules...Pfft you could take your rules and suck it. I made it a point to piss off my mom as much as I could. I got myself in allot of trouble, did not listen, the pop music became death metal, all about vampires to the max, the skirts went buh buy and scummy looking long haired dudes were my new passion....it was the 80's after all.  I wore black 24/7*that hasn't changed much* and just did not care anymore because no matter what I did I would never meet the "approval". To an old school Italian mom like mine this was the worst.  I guess this all vomited today because I am feeling overly sensitive about a few things and damn PMS does not help any, but in big part is that I saw this happening in front of me at a play ground the other day. You could totally see that the mother was favoring one of her kids more than the other you could see by her actions and by the way she spoke to them and I felt for the little one..... I really did because I know how it feels. I would have loved to look at that mom and say STOP..... don't....... because what you do/say to a child today could affect them for most of their lives.  I wish I could have told my mom how I felt before she past but things were so crazy during that time it would have been trivial ...I hope she knows that I was there for her when she needed my help and caring for her during such a painful time was an honor.

I just want her to know that her baby girl was not that tough and sometimes she just wanted to hear that you loved and were proud of  her......sniff....

The Raisin Ranch......

Hello all out in bloggy land I feel like I have not posted forever it has been 5 days since my last post and I have only gotten this little bit of time early this Monday morning to get shit down before I am headed right back out the door. To say that this time of  the year overwhelms me is an understatement it is f*cking bananas it some ways I do love it because I am an OCD planner and love to entertain but their are some days that all I want to say is f*ck it.  Because some other members of my family are quite not as organized I get shit for being a little too much......Oh well.   However based on my experience you can never be too organized when it comes to planning shit out it always works out better in the long run. I have been MIA for the last few days because we have been running around. My dad has is hip surgery on Thursday and this weekend was all about hospitals and moving him into a rehab center. Because lovely insurance companies suck dick and some of them are having raisin farm turned into 1/2 rehab center...So basically they are getting paid for two types of treatments...Shady Shady......Any how we dropped him of Sunday and I was  shocked I mean shocked at this location. I am not being mean here but their were about 10 really really bad looking i mean they almost looked dead on wheelchairs just sitting there drooling I know this is life but I felt like I was in the twilight zone. This is a hard place for my dad to be in.   My dad is 71 and an interdependent and go get em kind of dad this place is not for him. When I walked in I turned to my husband and told him to throw me down a flight of stairs before putting me in a place like that.  My dad made it through one night he called this morning and told us to get him the f*ck outta there. My bro is now heading over there to get him home therapist said he is doing well enough that he can do the therapy at home in his own bed and home.

So to say the least it has been a pretty crazy weekend. With Thanksgiving prep, clean up and having my lovely awesome MIL in town it is is going to be a crazy week and half. My schedule is super packed even more packed than usual and I am having a hard time keeping up....OM Gawd this post was supposed to be done by 6:30 am based that I am posting at 2:36 PST shows you what kind of day it has been so far....Peace

The 3 hour...

window. As I was getting ready yesterday morning to leave my casa I was thinking.......Wow I a pretty impressed with MB today and getting showered, made up and dressed  in 45 minutes flat. It got me thinking to the days when it would take me two plus hours to get ready for work and the ol mighty 3 hour window to get ready to go out and party. What could I have possibly been going to get ready take that damn long to get ready to go out? I mean half the time we were hanging out in dive bars and dark clubs. What the hell? What was this ritual that had me take so long to get ready to go out? I guess now instead of being in front of customers selling/doing my fashion thing and socializing my balls off I am running around after a toddler and a bunch of dogs. Oh...let's not get it twisted even though I live in lululemon pants and work out gear my shit is still tight. I make sure that my work out apparel is all matched bag and all.  I used to be a sweats/Metallica t shirt kind of gal when hitting the gym  but when I finally lost all of the baby weight and then some I decided since I am working out 4-5 days a week I needed to step it up a notch. So off to lululemon I went. I must say I felt better about what I looked like when I stepped in the gym and it gave my self confidence a boost to keep busting ass....resulting in another 12 pound loss this month - working another 12 and then I will be good - Hubby is all about JLO booty so he wants to make sure it stays there...I just gave it a major lift with the elliptical mania I have been on lately. I really need to give my self a rest my wrists are beginning to feel the pain but damn my calves are looking good....

When my hubby first met me he was shocked at the amount of make up I spackled on my face....*Keep in mind these were the 90's all about Chanel Vamp make up and I was wayyyyy into vampires before this whole Twilight thing hit...blah* so I was doing my thing. Between the take off work make up, put on night make up and going through my wardrobe a million times it would be way over 2 hours and I would be ready to rock n roll. My hubby did not mind because at that time in our lives we lived above a night club and we knew all the bartenders/doormen and owners of establishments in the area so he would be downstairs drinking away while I was upstairs rubbing baby powder on my legs in order to get my tight ass leather pants up my body....Oh the good ol days. I am kind of glad that life as gotten allot less work/party hectic and allot more hang out and relax with some vino and a good set of friends way I am so glad my skin is getting the time to heal from the damage I caused it in the 90's and early 2000's. I guess I have just gotten a whole lot more comfortable with myself as a person and as a woman.

Hubby and I sit down and wonder how we made it through that burning the candles at both end time of our lives. One thing we always say and agree on is...Thank the Lord that FACEBOOK was not around during our party days.....Amen to that......

Ya bitch I work......

It might not go into an office job 9-5 kind of job yes I am a stay at home and no matter how may times people like to think we sit home and eat f*ckin bon bons and scratch our asses all day what we do is work because it never stops and I can never punch out and leave my shit at the office. I am tired of some working moms{and yes I know it is hard to be a working mom} thinking that we home bound mothers do nothing all day because we are "at home all day". Today I almost lost it when an annoying ass mother I didn't even know decided to give me her 2 cents at a random store that I can no longer remember because she irritated me so much. WHo the f*ck do you think you are lady? OK so your a working mom I get it - it's hard but can we get off OMG I am so much better than you mentality because I go to an office everyday and do the mommy thing.  It's not what she said that bothered me but how she said it. Oh yeah it went something like this  - "Of course you would have time to bake your a SAHM".  With this smug little attitude that you can only find in the area I live in this great city of mine.

We both work hard, we don't get a break it is a 24/7 sometimes thankless job and sometimes it sucks.  But it does not make me angry that some mothers think that just because we are at home we hang out all day  work out and drink wine during play dates.  Some people like to think it is easier to be home then going  to work and I have done both of the spectrum and let me tell you either way it is tough. I went through a big should I or should I not go back to work after GG was born. Keep in mind I was a worker bee had worked since the age of 14 and I loved it. After much con and pro I decided that since I was not going to have more than one child and the cost of daycare/nanny would not be worth my time/stress of work I decided to stay at home. Now let's keep in mind that when I had GG I was 40 so I had worked that whole time I had savings and a husband who takes care of me and GG in an awesome beautiful way...I am fortunate and count my blessings everyday. Excuse the babble maybe I was suffering from Halloween craziness but it bothered the shit out of me.

Instead of us mothers uniting together we tear each other apart and have turned it into a bad Godzilla movie mother vs. mother.

AUUUUUUGGGHHHHH

There I now feel better....Wusa