Pressure...pressure....

Why do we as mothers place SO much damn pressure on ourselves to the point where sometimes we make ourselves sick?  Sometimes the guilt trip we put ourselves through is enough to make us go through an anxiety tunnel that we cannot get ourselves back from. We judge what each other do and we are always trying to one up ourselves....for WHAT! I am so sick of trying to keep up with this shit...it is so damn exhausting. She must speak in full sentences by this time, she must walk by this time, this class that class this preschool NO that preschool is better. Why is it better because your paying more? I am so sick of it. That is one of the main reasons that I do not belong to a "regular" play group because it can drive you friggin insane just to keep up with the dumb one ups that some of these moms do to each other. No boring ass play groups were moms only can talk about what their kids have accomplished one thing that women always said that they would neeeever do once they had kids.  I don't want to be around moms like anymore I really don't, I now have zero patience for women like this.

If I had listened to all the BS that was spewed at some of these "playgroups" based on what some mothers said my daughter would be a mess since I did not breast feed until grade school, would be an illiterate dork because I did not spend my whole day reading to her to every second of everyday instead of watching a Pixar video and catching a few episodes of the Real Housewives once and awhile....I look at my daughter and I am doing this parenting thing MY WAY......No books, no 8 hour long how to videos, no outside play group influence, disciplined my way and no BS. And you know what gang so far it is working.  She says please, thank you, may I and she pretty much behaves most of the time. She helps me with chores goes to bed when I tell her and so far has not been too sassy. Yes..... she has little asshole days but all kids have those and anyone who says to you  their kid is perfect 100 percent of the time is LYING to you because they need to prove something or just want to make you feel like a shitty mother. I run into these types of moms everyday single day. They make being a mother hard work and exhausting and are not worth my time anymore. I feel as women we should support each other in everything that we do I however sometimes feel that some women just like to tear each other down because it makes them feel better about themselves. Now I know why I always got along allot better with guys.

The anti age movement......

I am almost in a semi shock state......and after watching this documentary I ran up to my mirror and started to dissect my face.Not too many wrinkles, buy hey what is that is my eye drooping...no....maybe? Hmmmm maybe I need to double dose on the tightening neck cream, that's it  next week I am checking on laser shocks to my face.  Does my neck need work...OMG I am going to have to do under cover botox so my husband does not leave me for someone younger and more firm. OMG am I really 42......heading into 43. Shit some of this girls are getting botox at 25 maybe I should have done the same thing......I eventually snap back into reality and realize that watching almost 2 hours of a documentary titled  Make Me Young - Youth Knows No Pain can really mess with your brain. Don't get me wrong a really well done documentary however if you have no self esteem issues by the end of the 2 hours you will have some. Now I have self esteem issues and after the 2 hours they have become massive self esteem issues. This is one of the main reasons my husbands does not allow me to go on WebMd site and God forbid I even tried to check out the Doctors on the tube. Shit like this messes with my brain. No matter how confident I am feeling that day a program like this can bring me right into paranoid city.

I was up early and the casa was asleep so I turned on the TV to see if it could lull me back to sleep instead it had the opposite effect and was traumatized for the rest of the day. What caught my attention is when a chief of surgeon who said that new med students coming out are not going into the GP/internal  sector because their is so much more money to be made on our external {plastic surgery}. Which is f8ckin sad to me because I thought that when you went into the medical field most of the reason you did it was to help people but I guess we are living in different times and it is all about the ol mighty $$$. The documentary summary is below.

An age-obsessed daughter of a plastic surgeon takes a journey through America's $60 Billion a year anti-aging world. In this Alice-in Wonderland tale, McCabe spends 2 years traveling across America visiting doctors, experts and lives with a cross-section of characters from Minnesota to Texas who've gone to varying lengths to "beat the clock", to paint a funny but troubling portrait of a country that desperately needs to stay young.

I see this everyday where I live it is not as bad as I noticed it in Southern California {sorry but true} hello Hollywood. It is scary when you go to the dermatologist to deal with a minor case of rosacea {thank you GG} and all you see coming out of the rooms are girls *yes girls because most of the do not look older than 30*   with bleeding faces and holding little mini round ice packs to their already swollen faces. I ask one of the nurses in the office if they do allot of botox out of this office and she says to me "you would not believe the amount of botox that we got through on a daily basis." What is funny to me is that half of these ladies getting botox which when I last checked was a botulinum toxin would never touch this shit with a 10 foot poll if let's say was sprayed on a veggie via a plane but shooting it up in the face let's go for it. Heh.... whatever floats your boat on trying to stay young but please don't deny when you get the shit done because no matter how good the shooter is we can always tell. OWN it....Yes bitches I got botox...got a problem with it? I don't do the B and hopefully will never do the B but I am just as guilty with the amount of time I research and the amount of money I spend on anti aging cremes/facials.  I have a total ritual I do every night before I go to bed I never skip a night period. I moisturize everything, I have oils for every part of the face my husband watches and just shakes his head. After I moisturize I bust out and do the face yoga......I know it sounds silly but it makes me feel better and I think it might be working especially in the neck area. In my personal opinion the best anti aging serum I could have ever asked for was having my little one at 40. She is keeping me YOUNG and I feel like I am aging in reverse....sometimes...lol....Just the amount of chasing around I do is enough to keep me active, she also inspired me to start taking care of myself by eating better, stopping the partying and hitting the gym on a daily basis which has resulted in some weight loss, better than ever skin and just a better outlook on life. The scariest part of this whole docu. was the lack of research some women will do before hitting up a plastic surgeon would you just let anyone in the yellow pages take out your appendix then why the HELL would you allow some random doctor in a strip mall work on your face?  And how some women will allow their dentist shoot botox in their faces....One wrong needle hit and you are going to be left with a droopy face and paralyzed mouth. But I guess anyone with a medical degree can so botox even your local dentist office...Yeah so not EvA going to happen.  What is the obsession with our culture to remain youthful? What is this panic that I see on 30 year old faces to run as quickly as they can to the plastic surgeon while they sit their a completely dissect their faces in front of a mirror? What is this doing to America's self esteem?

Which makes me wonder  -  How far would people go in order to stay young?

WTF Friday......

Vacation edition and yeah I know I am a day late.....Hello my fellow bloggy friends hope everyone had an awesome week. Ours was OK trying to get back into the groove and nothing screws it up then coming home with a friggin cold from hell which seems to be our families calling card EVERYtime we come back from our travels. I know I have been lagging on the WTF Friday but sometime life gets in the way and we have to roll with the punches. While on our mini vacation I saw quite a bit of shit that made me go mmmmmm.  So without further adieu here we go.......

•  No offense people but I made sure that my daughter was fully swim diapered out while I placed her in the damn pool can you please make sure your kids are because the last thing I feel like doing is dealing with a crap explosion that is not my own daughter's. I know that swim diapers are not big in Europe but your naked baby in a public pool is NOT OK I do not care that he was a newborn they have NO control on their bodily functions. 

BTW this I Play Diaper does not work at all
story on that later

• When my daughter who is just learning to swim BTW is in the pool doing her thing can you please try and get your older boy not to cannon ball on top of her while she is doing so.....that would be AWEsome I know that you were busy checking your phone for the umpteen time but my daughter drowning  would have resulted in your ass being kicked - H.A.R.D

• Why do people with less than stellar bodies feel the need to show us their dimpled ass in a thong. Who the f*ck wears a thong anymore and at a resort with kids and people trying to enjoy their aperitifs? This is not the French Riviera cover that shit up in front of the kiddos. 

• How the HELL do you run out of Pinot Grigio in the middle of the wine country.....Yep this happened to me yep it did.......HOW? 
• People need to get sticks out of their asses and get some sense of humors. Life is too short to go around with a frown on your face all the time. Frowning cause wrinkles ladies.....
• Please parents do not allow your boy toddlers to take down their pants flash their stick and berries to everyone at the pool then proceed to take a piss in the bushes by the resort. I was dumbfounded by this I would have gotten to my child before the stick was even revealed. I know parents are on vacation but could you please parent your children when out in public. 

• To the nasty, rude ass and just asshole woman at the restaurant that spoke to the waiter like he was less than human.  Karma is a bitch girl and it will come back to you. Have you ever worked in the service industry it is hard work and having to deal with shit hole customers like you make it even worse. I am a firm believer of  never f*ck with anyone who serves you your food.  Get it???

Spit loogy with your salad 

• This has nothing to do with vacation but as much as a reality show whore I am I am soooo disappointed in TLC but should it is not a shocker since this is the same channel that brings up Toddlers and Tiaras but WTF is this Honey Boo Boo child I keep hearing about? I have watched clips online and I am...I can't even drum up words to describe this awful awful show. I feel bad for the little one because she has no idea what she is doing it should be up to her parents to guide her but with a couple of buffoonish like parents I feel that this child is going to be exploited and tossed aside like yesterday's garbage.  People are not laughing with you they are laughing at you. Such a sad show. 

When did this.....

OK guys maybe I am hitting a brick wall or I am just spent because anytime you come back from vacation one of us MoFo's in the house gets sick. I have been down for three days with the worst chest cold EVA' {probably got it from the damn kiddie pool at the resort} today my GG is down but NOT down enough not to drive me crazy while trying to get better. Why is it when kids are sick they don't lose their damn energy. Anyhoo....I was at the store this past weekend and I saw what I thought was a human but when I looked closer I realized it was another victim of the over plastic surgery nation we currently live in. As I said before I am convinced we are being taken over by aliens little by little as they did in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. One day I will wake up from the plastic tittty nightmare.........I am re posting once of my favorite posts......Enjoy the journey through plastic land.......While I pick up toddler snot from the floor....


become what is "considered attractive"  in the good ol' USA?

I feel like I woke up one morning and our planet was taken over by what I like to refer to as the Blonderix Zombies.  It is an epidemic the overblown fish lips, the Morgan Fairchild pig nose, the over done/crispy platinum hair, bad tans, bad boobs, bad clothes oh and let's not forget way too much make up and the shaved draw them back on eye brows which I totally do not get. Why would you shave them off to have to draw them back on....man I hope you don't have to do that when your hungover because that would just suck.

Did a space ship land when I was not looking and dump these creatures onto our already fragile planet? I mean....I have NO problem with folks getting a little nip n tuck here in there, whatever tickles your pickle...but in some of these cases the shit has gone completely insane. I mean can you honestly look at some of these pics and tell me that they don't look like some kind of  alien circus freaks?  I couldn't even begin to guess you how old these women are because they massacred their faces so bad it is hard to tell if they are still human. I bet some of them were just fine before they decided to do this in order to improve their looks?

What gets me is these women think they look good and because of this many women out there think this is the  norm to what the male species think is attractive,  in turn women as young as 18 are beginning to dabble in plastic surgery which in turn could have you end up looking like Ms. Heidi "I am not to bright" Montag. Who has said time and time again she has regretted the work she has had done. Why put yourself through this much pain and torture in order for vanity?

What has happened to the truly natural beautiful woman? I have traveled quite a bit through out the world and this epidemic seems to be only prevalent in the US unless I just did not notice it before but how can you not?  Italy pretty natural women, very little make up uncomplicated style - beautiful, Paris it would never happen there the women are to chic, Amsterdam, Brazil, London  nope not there either. Just here. I don't know - maybe I am just over having this type of "beauty" shoved down my throat - If you do not look like an inflatable blond porno doll you just don't' matter?  Is this what men want? It must be because it seems to spreading like wild fire.

I really would have liked to be around when these {below}ladies were at the top. So naturally beautiful not manufactured,  classy and not trashy.

Grace Kelly

Raquel Welch

Sophia Loren

Bridgette Bardot

Damn what a shame.

Home Sweet Home....

Heading to Calistoga 

Hello again my fellow bloggy bad asses. F8ck it is hard to believe that it has been almost a week since I last  posted but that is what usually happens when you are having way to much fun when on a mini vacation. We got back late Friday afternoon and our weekend was packed so I am just now getting to the blog. It was a nice relaxing break from reality for a few days.We always stay at the same resort the Solage which is just amazing the service is great and it is a resort that could totally be pretentious but is not.  As I have said before as soon as I am in the Napa Valley all my troubles drift away. It's Italy with all the modern conveniences, cuz folks I lived in Italy for two years and even though they have their shit together with certain aspects of life their are some things that I feel could use improvement in that country. As you know when you get back from vacation it takes more than a few days to get back on the damn routine horse. GG has been a little cranky and has been super annoying about wanting a swimming pool when we move {down the line}.  She spent 98 percent of the time in the water which made for a very sleepy toddler...SCORE......The rest of the time we hung out and just relaxed and did some awesome wine tasting...yummmmm.....Why is it every time you get back from vacation you feel like a total slob? I did not over indulge in food except for one night and even then we did not get dessert...I think the wine more than made up for not getting dessert. I have not worked out in 5 days and for me that is one day too many and I feel like the below:

I am getting back on the cardio horse tomorrow and cannot wait, I feel like crappola because when I don't work out I do not sleep well and when I do not sleep my nerves get out of whack yep kinda sucks getting old not going to lie.  Today is full of menu planning, house cleaning, getting through all the vacation laundry which is always hell and and getting the house ready for painters. I am also trying to get GG back on her daily schedule which is a chore all in itself. So far now I will be leaving you with some photo's of our trip........Which I hope do not bore you too much. I will go into the amazing food and why a certain swim diaper brand should be avoided like the plague.

Arrived at the resort and GG was all over
the fountains it was hella hot

Awesome restaurant on property 

Saint Helena 

My dream school 

One day....One day only about 48,000 per semester 

Bocce ball anyone?

The back area to our suite we always get the same one has
plenty of room for the kiddo and private hot tub...wink wink

Zen fountain in the back area calms me every time 

Awesome fire pit by adult pool and bar

Bikes that come with the suite to use to tool
around the wine country in - you also can drive one of the properties Mercedes
 if need be pretty awesome I say 

GG and Daddy att the NOT adult pool

The adult pool and cabanas 

Not Wed. yet...but

what the hell. I am not going to have time tomorrow so I thought I would share this photo. Now......... I love my husband to death but this picture is one of the reasons he is not allowed to dress our daughter - EVER. Thank God I stopped this before she left the house from the look on her face she is not to thrilled with the choice either.  WTF...Honey......ReAlLy?

Too much of a.....

good time....was had by MB yesterday afternoon as you could tell from my lovely post from yesterday afternoon. We had a super packed day and it was so much friggin fun.  We started the day off with the little one at the Marin Mammal Center - They are great organization that helps the creatures of the sea get better when some dumb humans do stupid shit to the ocean.  We had fun and GG really likes to see the sea lions. Of course being the total mush ball that we are we  adopted the below sea lion. Her name is Meghan and she is so sweet looking...look at that face.....

New member of the family 

After that little bit of an adventure we headed to the Discovery Museum which is a great place for the kiddo to go wild and for hubby and I just to chill while she ..duh....discovers.  She had a blast and they had this Clifford the Dog exhibit which she totally dug. 

After that was all said and done the little one pooped out on us and she went down for a nap at exactly around lunch time which hardly ever happens anymore so we're off to have some nice relaxing lunch and some vino hello mini festival.......What a great great weekend. Looking forward to this week and our trip into wine country cannot wait.....Peace 

Weeeeeee......

Oh my goodness too much funnnnn. Weeeeee wine festival...Oh my god did I adopt a sea line today named Meghan..She is so cute...Oh my god too much vino...love my bloggy friends. Weeeeeeee

Things that PISS me....

off. So has as you all can tell from my blog I really don't mince words or whatever the f*ck the saying is...I am pretty blunt, I don't bring on the fake, what you see is what you get and I have said before I am too old to really give a shit anymore. To say the least I am pretty straight forward.....So instead of my usual WTF Friday post this week I have decided to place a bunch of shit that has pissed me off in the last week {and then some}. Because I tell you there have been many...For some reason when the temperatures soar so does the level of stupidity, inconsideration  and just plain what the f*ck were you thinking when you decided to leave the house this morning. Hopefully if I vent here I won't go off on my poor husband on some of the shit I witnessed throughout the day. If you don not like the F word this is not a post for you.

• Some women bitch on a daily basis how we no longer have gentlemeny*I know it's not an actual word* men in our world{I happen to agree} so when a man actually is kind enough to open/leave door open for you while your entering store/supermarket/post whatever please make sure you thank them. I have seen women walk right through without even a nod in my husbands direction when he does this {which is all the time}.  Say f*ckin thank you ........Cows.....
• Get OFF your f*ckin cell phones when you are at a register in whatever kind of store your in. I HATE HATE people who do this. Who the hell do you think you are? Be nice enough to acknowledge the person on the other side of the counter. 
• People who are obviously NOT handicapped and park in the handicapped parking...yes you deserved that $300.00 ticket DOUCHYBAG
• I swear to god this is fo reals....People who go to the dollar store than ask the clerk how much something is. YES I know...it f*ckin happend..today....and I.almost. lost.my. shit
• Whole Foods- Guys I love your organic meats and veggies and all the fun stuff you carry but DAMN people can you guys smile once in awhile? Juuuuust a little bit...No.... It would really make it a more pleasant shopping experience if you showed some interest in customer service some of you guys just suck@ss
• Stick up the butt mom who brought her newborn to the friggin jumpy house then has the nuts to come over to my table to tell me to keep it down because our table was being loud. To that I answered I am going to move my shit on the other side is that quite enough for you? Which for me that was being nice my friends actually think I have come a long way...This is a jumpy house play area with a shit load of toddlers if you want your newborn to sleep go to the library. 
• MOTHERS who bring their damn SICK kids to school when they know their kid is SICK. Keep your children home when they are SICK dammit! How hard is that to do!!!!!!!! Now we have another little virus floating around and I swear to GOD if my kid gets sick for our trip this week I am coming to find you.
• UPS Dude I have a HUGE note written on RED paper attached to my door that states DO not ring/doorbell and knock on door toddler napping {I have two big dogs that bark when they hear anything in turn waking up toddler from much needed nap}and what does said UPS man do.....Rings the f*ckin door bell. When I opened the door and he saw the death ray expression on my face he knew he f*cked up!
• Future assholes of America who do not respect our elders.....little punks.......Some kids are growing up without any manners it is embarrassing as a society that we SUCK so bad. 
• LIARS and people who pretend their something that they are not...Keep it real people because we can smell the funk!

Little angry for a Friday...yep but I need somewhere to vent and this is the place. I m going to have  a glass of wine because I just can't figure some people out anymore. 

Peace......

Skipping down memory......

Keeping up the tradition 2012

Lane and boy did I get thrown down it this Sunday and boy did I begin to feel not young anymore....I am getting to this post a little later than I hoped but as you all know summer is just crazy busy months for everyone including this gal in NoCali. I had a fabu weekend as usual and this extra special because I got to hang out with one of my old super awesome family friend from the "hood".  This chica and I have been friends since we were in kindergarten which is a long ass time. We got into allot of trouble, had allot of fun and their were some days we did not know if we could make it through some very hard times.  You know the friend that you don't talk to everyday but you can talk to her in like 2 months and all is good. She is the friend that you know if you picked up the phone and said man I really need you right now she would be there in a heart beat. She is the friend who is up front, not fake and what you see is what you get their is no bullshit facades. We don't see each other often enough because sometimes life gets in the way but when we do it is always a good time and do miss her when we are not around each other.  The whole fam was invited over for lunch on Sunday and it was a blast. I knew we were up for some fun reminiscing when I walked in and right from the start she tells me she cannot wait to show me what she found at her moms house when they were cleaning up the garage....with a sly smile.

Yep those are our old school fashion plates sketches
we even had prices and style numbers y'all circa 1982

Of course being the good Italian she is she laid out some awesome grub and we got down to just some good old fashion catching up and it was great. During some point of the afternoon out come some things that shot me right back to our childhood. I recognized the paper right away because it was paper my dad brought back from his office for use to use because it was going to be dumped in the garbage{see even back then my pops was all about recycling}. As soon as I saw the sheets it all came back to me....The pictures will show you  for how many years I have been into fashion/design and has children how we used our creativity and imagination.  It is no suprise I went into fashion as a career and my friend is a high end creative hair genius. We were 10 & 12 when these sketches were done. Their were no computer games, no Ipad, Iphone and the 800 other electronic bullshit we have today. We had to use our imagination, say that with me now IMAGINATION. We had to make shit up, we played for hours with some colored pencils and yes paper. After we designed our merchandise we actually set up the boutiques with merchandise that looked like our designs. I remember we used to tear up her closet and display all her clothes throughout her bedroom and played for hours on end. I mean do kids do that anymore? Do kids play...I know some do but do they do it like we used to do it?

Pretty impressive for 10 and 12 

Check out all the sizes we represented not just size 00 and 2
it was also the 80's and bodies were more real than they are today 

When I looked this over I got a lump in my throat because these were those carefree days we used to just grab life by the balls and go. We had no fear, we had no concept of time, we hung out we were social face to face when we were all together it was like the best time ever. It is sad but I don't notice much of this in some of today's kids. I have encountered children who do not know what to do when they are around other kids because they do not know how to play because helicopter moms are to scared they might fall and hurt themselves but  isn't that what being a kid is all about?  They might know how to play on the Wii but they do not know how to play with each other. I have encountered teenagers who do not know how to talk to each other except through text. After seeing this the first thing I did was get on Amazon and locate something similar to Fashion Plates, I know I could download an app on the Ipad but I want her to experience the joy I had when I played with old school Fashion Plates. I also had to share this little note we she found in the box of treasures. These were actual paper notes we passed in class when we were "tweens" no texting back then. Check out the to & from lines....Yep we were that young......It was the 80's after all.

Peace.....

Where did the time go?

This weekend we too the little one to Napa {yes again} if you read my blog you know that I adore {obsessed} with the Napa Valley and if I had my way I would move there tomorrow without a second thought. I love the sense of community and the small town feel without it being to small if that makes any sense.  Little ol me has even been scoping the real estate market up there just wishing that my husbands company would just get up and move there...but those are just in the pie in the sky dreams - I however do have a feeling in my gut that one day we will be living there. Just a little hunch.  Anyhoo.....yesterday we decided to bring the kiddo to Train Town a little fun place to take a little train ride through the tiny town, pet and feed some goats, ride some rides and overall have the little one go friggin ape shit. After that we had a picnic in the park and while husband and I were sitting on the grass glass of pinot in our hands watching GG playing with her cousins o thoughts start to wander. As I looked around I am like where did the time go? I remember being at this same playground years ago with my parents when we used to make the drive from SF up to wine country. I have always liked this park in the middle of the town square in Sonoma it and  I love to be near anywhere where Mr. Wes Craven stood because this same town square and town was used for the the filming of most of the Scream movies. Time goes by so fast and it boggles my mind that I am in my 40's and I am now a mommy. I love that I now bring my daughter to the same spots and experience the same awesome things I got to experience as a child. I had a great childhood and I want to make sure that my daughter has the very same. It's time like these where I just want the clock to stop in order for me to savor every friggin moment because the time goes by so fast. I know this sound cliche but you need to stop and smell the roses and make sure your enjoying life. It is so easy to get caught up with the daily grind and such BULL shit that at one point you stop, you blink and holy shit your 40,50,60 something......Here are some pics from the day not too many because I was chasing two toddlers around and because I am super ass paranoid I was on pervert watch at train town and the park.

All I know is that every time I see my little ones face with that big happy expression on her face all I can do is smile and think to myself how did I get so damn lucky......

My nephew representing my hubman on the BB working of course!

Mmmmmm

Fun