Ma'am.......

The other day I  realized I was getting old when the clerk at the Trader Joes's referred to me as ma'am. Ma'am...Ma'am are you friggin kidding me!*banging head on table*.   To me the term ma'am is not a term of politeness but when a young tight thing just thinks your over the hill.  I have been told I don't look my age and have gotten compliments on my skin which is always a positive. I regularly facial, I moisturize every am and every pm. I never ever go to bed with my make up on...no matter how much partying I did in my young age and the minor bit I do today.   I will not go to bed with make up. That is just nasty and will f*ck up your skin... listening young chic a D's?   I use 3-6-9 essential fatty oils, a neck tightening cream and don't let me get started on the eye creams......but with all that I do to keep the face young and fresh when someone calls you ma'am your self esteem takes a hit.  The shitty part of getting old is that you may not feel it but the almighty body has a whole different agenda. As you look in the mirror you realize that shit is not as tight as it used to be and shit is not going back as quickly as it used to no matter how hard you work out. You begin to think your face is falling and will never get back up again. Just thumbing through fashion magazines can bring on an anxiety attack and just the overall plastic surgery worship we are surrounded by will make you crazy. My husband has made it perfectly clear - I come home with botox injected anywhere on my  face and we are going to have issues. My husband does not lay the law down often but when he does I listen and that one is a BIGGY to him. He does not like what botox/PS has done to some women and he cannot understand how everyone wants to look the same?  We were not put on this world to look like everyone else.   I personally think some of these women are beginning to look like wax museum statues.  In a way I am super stoked I have a man in my life who loves me for me.

So I am taking the natural route and last night I started to do Face Yoga. I heard about this through some articles I was reading and in the spa circuit. So I decided why not try what do I have to lose - - right? Now I looked like a total asshole doing this last night but you know what this am my face felt like I had given it a serious work out. So maybe just maybe this shit might work???? Who knows but it is a fact that this country is OBSESSED and I do mean OBSESSED with looking young. Their is no way I would ever want to look like the plastic rejects of Real Housewives of the OC or some of these women who are between the ages of 40-48 who still dress like tweens and pick up their clothes at the same shops their  daughters shop at. I want to age with class and not trash. I don't want to look young I want to look rested.

Below are the exercises I started doing in the evening before I apply my magic potions and lotions. Yes...I look this much of an asshole.

The coldest winter.....Is the summer

Ciao Ciao Ciao we are here on another awesome Saturday and I need to hit the floor running. The weather outside is super depressing because we are getting swallowed by annoying I hate more than anything fog. I have lived in the Bay Area my whole life but I have always HATED the fog. Once in awhile it is nice but during July starting from July 4th it is nothing but depressing ass white shit everywhere. You got to be and it's there you wake up in the morning and the bitch is still there.  It is sad because we had such an amazing May and June weather wise. I can't wait for September and October when we get are kick ass Indian Summer. I try not to let the weather affect me but as a woman it is hard to do and I don't think my husband understands when I look outside and it just pisses me off. That is why we spend most of July and August up North in the Napa Valley. We live about 40 minutes from there and I am telling you every time I go up there the more I want to live there and for some reason in my gut I have a feeling we might just be up there in the future.

We are going to be in Calistoga in August at our favorite resort for some RR,  spa and some Michelin star rated food. In September we rented this big ol house and the whole gang will be up there dad, bro, the kiddies and hopefully if she can make it my MIL. Besides those special events we are trying to hit the Napa area every other weekend because I know that in 30 minutes I will leave the dreary fog behind. Today we are headed to Petaluma for some fun and a little bit of sun before we drive back in order to get Ms.GG to two birthday parties. My little one has definitely got a full ass social calender already.  Next weekend we are going to hit this place in Sonoma called Train Town with some friends.Hey I will deal with some boy trains in order to be up north around vineyards and spectacular restaurants and people. I am also waiting for this fog to lift so we can have our annual BBQ with ol time friends and the family. That event is always a hoot because it is no hold bar fun. Their is no BS, their is no pretending and it is ALL 100% fun!!!!

Hope you all have a great and relaxing Saturday..............

WTF Friday...Special

edition...OK..here it is Friday and it appears that I don't have munch to say...You..mean...little ol me has nothing to say...Damn skippy you know why because last night I did this to my arm and this morning all thought and ideas were removed from my brain cuz of the pain. How did my clutz ass do this?  I thought it would be super fun to carry two scalding cups of tea and other shit under my arms. One of the dogs cut me off {always a traffic jam at my house}  and in order to avoid the damn dog my arm met the scalding hot tea instead.  It friggin hurt like hell and I am still in pain this morning. Thank God for aloe. 

Awesome right!?! So much worse this morning 

On a nother' note.......My eyes...my eyes.... I have been blinded by some of the ugliest clothing selections made by Mr. Bieber.  MY GAWD...does this little boy not have a stylist? If not please someone get him on STAT because he needs some 911 help...Hello Selena could you please do something? It's bad enough that we have to be subjected to his "music" but now we have to be hit by his bad fashion sense. I mean this is really sad so I decided to post some WTF pics of Bieber and his shitty clothes.

We were first subjected to this weird ass haircut
this is basically the bowl haircut with layers. 

All I can say is Jesus - WTF is this mess and Bieber can you
pleassse stop touching your crotch you are not Tupac

Nope..not an ounce of sexy in this little man at all 

Man how old are you? This s something my grandfather
would have worn in the morning to go outside and get his paper  or hunt
No actually my grandfather had better taste

Xmas has come early......really wtf 

I am off to soak my arm in more aloe..............Happy Friday!

Dear Kristen......

Stewart I am going to make this brief and too the point. I am so sick of your whining and your expressionless face. You suck as an actress and you suck as a person. I watched one Twilight Movie and almost had to poke out my own eyeballs you were so bad...those are two hours wasted that I will never get back. 
I am sick of hearing you bitch about your job and being a "star" you know what...... if you don't like what you do or what Hollywood stands for then get the f8ck out.  Wahhhh I get to get paid millions of dollars for being a below average actress, Wahhhhh I get free clothes/hair/whatever handed to me just because I am who I am. I travel the world on someone else dime and the you have the nerve to bitch that you just don't like it. Their are thousand and one females that would love to be in your place,  truly talented actresses that will never get to experience your stardom. Get a friggin clue or STFU you depressing ass simple person. 
You have said many stupid things to the press but this one really got me blood boiling this morning{as you can tell}. 
 "I can't wait for something crazy to f*cking happen to me." I want someone to f*ck me over."
Well I can say this little Ms. Thing  that if you had made out and slobbered all over my husband in full view  you bet your ASS you would get f8cked over with my fist to your jaw. I know it takes two to tango and your douche bag director is just to blame. Hello.......41 years old pervert remember this you have a daughter would you want a 41 year adult man sniffing around your 22 year old daughter.....Think about you you prick. Did you stop to think about his wife, kids and how about you Ms. Kristin did you stop to think about your man the love of your life RP? Nope...No didn't think so.  Kristin issued the standard Hollywood apology on Wed. I am waiting to see how this one plays out. 


Can wifey say half?!? 

Jesus Jugs.....

OK I love this country more than I can ever express.  However what also drives me batty about this country and some of the people is the court crazed society we live in. I was on CNN's page yesterday and lo and behold something about RHOOC caught my eye. Yes I am a total reality show whore and not going to be making apologies for it. After watching Yo Gabba Gabba and that annoying Dora for most of the day and I need a break from reality and of course that would be with good ol' "reality tv".

Alexis Bellino and her chin fantastic husband I believe his name is Jim are thinking about suing Tamra Barney for calling Alexis Jesus Jugs on the reunion show last week and it. was. HILARIOUS!  I am not a fan of Tamra but dang girl you hit that one right on the money. I dislike people who hide behind the religious curtain but you know well enough that some of these people are worse sinners than your average Joe. Let's not forget I was raised Roman Catholic and I am still trying to find my way back because of some the double standard BS I witnessed in the Catholic establishment. I believe that their is a higher being I do not personally believe that I need to go into a man made building in order to show my spirituality and my belief. I could just as well pray on a rock by the ocean and that higher being would love me just the same. Just because I do not go to church every Sunday does not make me a less of a believer and a good person.

 Maybe the Jesus Jugs shot out was not the most classy thing that could have been said however let's get serious now this is a friggin classless reality show if anyone expected any different than you are watching the wrong network. And are you actually going to waste the courts time with something so frivolous. You know what Alexis you chose to put your life and self out there in TV land. You allow millions of people in your life via "reality tv" every week once you cross than reality show line it's game on. Honey develop a thicker skin or just get off the tube but you suing just makes you look desperate and stupid. Stop bringing Jesus and Christianity into everything.  

The Checklist...........

I will probably receive some type of slack or ta ta on this post but you know what it is what it is and it is just me......Sometimes I think there are reasons there are so many single women out in dating land. Yeppp...Mmmm...Yep I went there. Why do I say this because some of the bitches are just plain crazy.  I get the I don't want to settle...... but damn a 150 must have list and you are wondering WHY you have not met anyone yet?  Mmmmm let's see..... besides what I personally think is a RIDICULOUS must have man checklist you are doing this in a f*ckin princess tiara {don't even get me started on this} while telling us a man is lucky to have you in his life? Sorry sweets your over 40, wearing a crown on your friggin head with a list of must haves with an attitude - you are not sending out the most stable vibes to dating land.  I love that the list for the male must meet all these requirements but oh no her list is full of do not's. I don't do laundry, I don't do dishes, I don't cook, I don't do kids, I don't do cleaning and so on and so on and so on. No one is perfect and if you set yourself thinking their is one perfect man out there then good luck because you will be waiting awhile. Why does that just seem not OK?  Or am I the crazy one?  I guess it easy for me to say I am married but you know what peeps I had to kiss allot of frogs to get to my awesome husband and I did this all without a list. I took a chance, took it easy, NEVER pressured marriage and did my thing and I got so damn lucky it is not even funny. I have a man who loves, respects and treats me as an equal. 

I see it everyday......women who have these super high expectations and this I must snag this unreachable visual of what their prince charming needs to be.  He needs to be this tall,  he needs to wear this type of jean, he needs to make this much a year blah blah blah blah...are you friggin serious?  The list is annoying to a female to listen too can you imagine the guy that needs to meet these expectations and got a hold of the "list".   Why don't you relax and maybe it will happen naturally - how about that? It drives me completely crazy to know that their are some women out there are missing out on some really awesome guys because they don't meet the criteria of some made up list which was probably written out when the woman was 18 years old.  Yes take your time picking out your one true but please toss the list and stop being so damn picky and maybe it will work out. 

WTF Friday......

Ciao my lovely ladies and gents hope you have had an awesome week and looking forward to the weekend coming up.....I know I am....This week as usual as been super packed and busy which I love. I have started to organize, streamline and get rid of junk that we no longer need.  GG is getting pretty social quick and I have so many birthdays coming up it is not even funny. I am feeling some pain right now the day before yesterday I took my work out a little to far and since my tired ol body is in the cruising 40's and not the snap back 20's I am feeling it like a MoFo. I felt like I twisted something in my lower back and like a dumb ass I kept on going.  Today I am walking like the hunchback of Notre Dame we are taking it easy so I can get back into the gym on Saturday. 

• The other day I watched a woman {in the gym mirror} work out the full 45 minutes with her sunglasses on..WTF is that? Or this another one that happens in my area allot who the hell comes to work out and carries this $5,000 plus handbag with them to the gym?  I am good with being a label whore if you can afford it go for it.......but damn leave the Hermes bag at home when going into an area where all you do is sweat. 

• When I hear this it drives me insane.."I wanted to have a baby young in order to get it over with." A baby is a miracle not some shake and bake quick option to check of  your to do list. Think about what you say before you say it. This just makes you sound simple. 

• People are always and I means ALWAYS late....and the topper they never apologize for being late or think they have done nothing wrong. Assholes!
• Fake people who don't keep it real and feel the need to haze us over with everything is always perfect, awesome and S-U-P-E-R! 
• So it took me some time but I finally found a work out jacket that fit around my tits{when fully zipped up} and mine are not that big. HELLO work out clothes manufacturers please make work out jackets for girls who have a bigger boob area. I don't know if you think only super skinny people work out but we tall not uber skinny bitches do to. 

• Peeps time to get off Ashton Kutchers ass...Yes what he did was wrong however it takes two to tango and based on many reports Demi is not very stable woman and very insecure. Imagine having to be around that all the time. All 3 of her daughters just had a restraining order placed against their mother so their is def. a whole lotta shit we don't know...if that's possible. I am glad he is with Mila she seems allot more laid back. 

• WTF man you can get an app for anything...I just downloaded one {TMI here} that keeps track of the my aunt flo's visits. How holy awesome it that!?!
• Their is something wrong with me when I flip out because the toilet paper is under and not over{which to me is the right way}.

• Unless you are a real life crowned princess no adult woman should EVER sport a tiara. Sorry but you just look like an idiot!

• Is it just me or does my new Buddha painting above my bed looks like it's flipping me off....Mmmm so much for spiritual enlightenment. 

Happy Friday....

Ouch........

crack....snap....pop...ouch...hurt.....in pain....yep I am hurting today so this is going to be a short and sweet. I stepped it up a notch and then some working out today and I am feeling it bad.  I cannot feel my forearms, back and chest....In pain......hopefully I will feel better in the am. But as my hubman likes to say if you don't hurt that means your not working out hard enough. It literally is hurting me to type right now. What the f*ck!

I have a date with a very hot shower and cold ice pack this evening.......

Inked.......

This morning as I was going through the usual routine of getting my tea on which is my favorite part of the beginning of the day. I sit down and like the celeb crack whore I am I check TMZ and US Weekly *Yes I am that bad*. Go to FB to see what else is going on and see some kind of article on Niki Taylor - now for all you young folk Niki Taylor was one of the better known supermodel of the late 80's and early 90's discovered at age 13 cover of Vogue at 15 which is unbelievable.   Anyway their was a story that she is now going through the VERY painful process of removing some of her any tattoos including a very large one on her forearm.   Which I would assume for a model is probably keeping her from booking jobs.  It seems like everyone has a tattoo today and I do mean everyone when soccer moms are getting inked it kind of loses it's "badassness" if you know what I mean. And don't come down on my ass I have heard this from more than one person and it is just the way it it. For f*ck sake I saw a 45 year old mother the other day with a friggin pierced belly button{bleck}. 


What I don't understand is when you go in and get a tattoo do people really think about where and what they will put on their bodies? Based on some of the crap I have seen on peoples bodies that would be a big fat NO. I mean your body is not an etch a ketch once the ink hits the skin it is done, permanent, forever on your body for life that is it unless you go through the unbelievably and I mean unbelievable pain of tattoo removal. I know this...... why....... because I have seen grown ass tough as nails bad ass motorcycle riding dudes lose their shit when they get the laser removal of a tattoo. I heard it described by women as worse than L-A-B-O-R.  I have seen female friends of mine get their "I am so in love with *insert name here*  we will be together forever tattoo cry when getting their skin cut out to remove the name of whatever dude they were with at the moment. When getting a tattoo/many tattoos a person needs to THINK before getting them done. Once you have decided clearly and not picked one of the wall -{and not a drunken girls/boys night out} and YES I have seen tattoos go down when someone has been inebriated.  When you are ready to go for it do it but really think about it!

I have three fairly nice size ones 2 placed in areas where it is not totally full on visible unless I am wearing something pretty backless and another where only my husbands gets to see. No tramp stamp ever.
I did this because I knew in the career I was in it would probably looked down upon.  I got two done when I was 18/19 and the other when I believe I was 25 a long ass time ago and they still look pretty good.  I  am currently researching designs I am going to be getting another one here soon for my baby GG combined with one to honor my mother on the lower base of my neck and down my spin again a place where if I have on a full on blouse no one will be able to see it if I decide to go back to the corporate world. I believe FOR ME when you get a tattoo done it becomes part of you, your being and your personality.  It's part of who you are. I don't know maybe I sound weird but that's what I think. A tattoo celebrates a part of your life and for me the ones that I have/will get will always remain on my body.  I am 42 and I highly doubt that will change for me. 


Peace 

WTF Friday People........

Yep trying to get back on track with WTF Friday. Like I said y'all{salute to my friend TG} it has been balls busy and trying to get my 411 Friday weekly post gets a little lost in the chaos...Like I said before I thought I would have all this free time once GG started preschool and that {so far} has not happened. I am just trying to get in the "groove" once that happens I will be ready to continue on the taking care of me part of life. So far so good I have been working out everyday and I feel good I also started taking a good amount of liquid vitamins and sometimes I feel more like a chemist than a SAHB but I found this little vitamin place that has everything I need to keep the old motor ticking.  Nothing like feeling nausea's until my stomach gets used to all the new vitamin hits it is taking. Hope all you babes and studs have an awesome Friday. 

• Can someone please explain to me the fascination of rednecks rolling around in mud? This seems to be a big thing right now or has it always been a big thing and  am just now seeing it? I heard that their is a "resort" opening called the Redneck Resort Mud Park - Fo reals WTF really????

• Hikers I get the appeal and the adventure of hiking but could you please bring a partner when you decide to hike deep in part of the woods you have never been to. There is allot of miles of green trees out there. And they all kind of look alike....Heeellllloooooooo

• WTF if you have to shop based on the shitty coupons on some sites all you would be eating is processed crappy food. Where are the coupons fro fresh fruit and veggies?  I swear some of them are completely useless unless you have a habit of hording toilet paper and cleaning supplies.
• Tevas do I need to say more...God such an ugly thing - sorry but these things are not shoes they are a piece of ugly plastic with Velcro straps

• Anyone watch RHOOC and can someone tell me what the f*ck was up with Tamara's big hair and Gretchen's crayola face? These women are NOT aging  gracefully...sorry ladies but you looked about 10 years older both of you. And did you catch when Jesus Jugs called Tamara old...CLASSIC!

• Leave it up to TLC's Strange Sex - OK gross alert - man breastfeeds from his wife's boobies in order to control his erectile dysfunction problem. Loser says what? The man drinks "straight from the source". I mean how friggin more weird can you get. AND for some of you tree huggers out there YES it's weird. 

• You would think that with all the modern tech shit they would figure out a way not to keep sticking these  annoying little slips of paper in the damn magazines. As I was working out this morning about 5 of them popped out of my Cosmo.....Jesus!

• STUPID people.. has their been an explosion of this lately? The stupid epidemic is spreading....Hide because you to will be scratching your head with some of the stupid shit people have been doing lately. Examples: I saw a person almost drive into a bush on the side of the freeway because her dumb ass was on texting. 
• Holy shit it looks like the Kardasfuc*ks ride might be slowing down-heard that the clan might be lucky to get 20,000 or 30,000 for new baby girls pics.  Poor Penelope it sucks that you were born during the release of Katie from planet ship Tom Cruise. 

• Oh Cat you bad bad girl!   WTF were you thinking driving after having some booze...not cool but I got to tell you you look mighty fine in your mug shot. I mean really is she just not WTF amazing looking?

• I am so pissed and really Hollywood can you please try and come up with some actual new ideas for movies one of my ALL time favs is now a remake Total Recall. As much as I love me some Collin  this one should have never been messed with!

• Just because it would not be a slap the forehead WTF Friday without a super brilliant what not from Ms. Teresa Guidice from RHONJ I leave you with this one "The sun's not so good for you, with the ozone layer and everything." No SHIT Sherlock.....

And just because I wanted too....Happy Friday 

Peace...........

Weirdness.......

Fashionista headed to school 

For the first time in 2 plus years my happy ass went grocery shopping without GG and let me tell you even though it was weird and kinda felt like I was missing my right arm I got through the store 45 minutes quicker  than usual.  I actually saved money because I got to use the coupons I clipped PLUS I didn't just grab whatever was on the shelf in order to get out of the store as quickly as possible before GG decides she no longer wants to sit in the cart and anyone with a toddler knows exactly what I mean.  I am a very detailed grocery shopper as you can tell from the below pic. I compile my menu list the week before and get everything super organized per isle. Yes I am a big old weirdo and I am good with that. 

GG is loving preschool girl cannot wait to get their in the mornings. She is only going 3 days a week mid morning but so far she is kicking ass and taking names. The only issue we were having is she is not eating her lunch but yesterday I was told she made did it so we are good. You know what I thought I would have all this super free time once GG started part time preschool {literally have a list of projects  wanna do} but in fact it really is not the case. I try and work out every morning and when I am done with that between the errands, walking dogs, washing laundry and all the other crap that comes along with being a SAHB {stay at home bitch}it is time for me to get back in the car and pick the little one up. I did get one project completed yesterday and that was to finally get rid of the BUTT ugly blue El Torrito restaurant tile the previous owner placed in our master bedroom bay window seat I have an awesome view but I never sit there because the tile made me want to puke...like really WTF were they thinking. It has been an eye sore since we moved in I just hid it really well with decorative pillows. Busted out the tiles {felt so good} then we covered with a sheet of plywood, sanded the f*cker and painted it a nice white. I am having the huge window pillow reupholstered and then we are good to go. I mean really check out the fugly tile.

So much better the tiles hideous 

 Next week I am about to get rid of some outside gross ass rocks in the back of the house we don't have a backyard {hello city living} but I do have miles of trees behind our house. We have this small patch of  rocky area in the back that I can fence in and add some fake nice grass to it so when my daughter is on her playroom she can open up the back door and have an extra deck/yard area to her playroom. I also want to plant some flowers in the back to brighten int up. Yep I am turning into a regular Stepford wife um um.

16 reason why.....

I am once again to old for this shit! As the summer season bring longer days, nicer weather, many get together's, parties and BBQ's which MeAnS too many adult beverages present that have wormed their way into my body in the last month...Damn you Pinot Grigio.  Yesterday we met up with the old gang for our old hood in the city where we used to party like rock stars and WE really partied like rock stars...We traveled in limos, we never waited in line at shows/clubs, we knew many bouncers/bartenders/owner of restaurants through this whole awesome gem of a city. So yesterday we all got together for brunch and day drunk activities.  It was a good ass time but once again I felt a little like donkey vomit on Sunday and a little worn out and old today. I have yet to learn the lesson that I am not in the age range of  26 - 36 anymore and drinking even in limited quantities makes me feel like shit.  But you know what with all our busy lives we don't get together all that munch anymore {it took us 3 months} to get all our schedules in sync for this day...We did it so we were going to have some fun and as anyone out there with children know you don't get out very often so when you do you do it right.  We had a really good time,  it was awesome to see everyone and to reconnect with people who were there when you needed a shoulder to cry on and going through some tough times. These are the friends that held on and you saw clearly once all the other BS/partying  fog cleared up. Tuesday I start my 30 day cleanse so this was my buh buh to vino{again} for a month...I will be doing it in month to month increments so not to set myself up for failure if I have a glass of wine here and there after the month is up. 


So yesterday as I was playing with GG in her play room and taking all batteries out of the musical toys I came up with this list of 15 reason why I am getting to old for this shit.

• Woke up this morning looked in the mirror and almost screamed I looked that scary I did not bother to look in the mirror on Sunday
• The worst acid reflex EVER 
• Woke up with the worst headache even after I hydrated and took an aspirin the night before 
• It will take me 3 days to feel "normal" again 
• Dead skunk has died and now lives in my mouth
• My lungs feel like crap... because YES I toked some cigs...don't wanna hear it,  I f8cked up and I own it. 
• Every part of my body is cracking and crunching because my dumb ass wore 5 inch awesome wedgies to pub crawl
• Zero patience when it comes to waiting for young folk to make their decision on what fruity drink they are ordering in a dive bar...really this is not the Bahamas no blender drinks allowed
• Friend ended up with chip bowl in her purse and she has no idea how it got there
• The roller coaster hang over ride...one minute we are good the next minute not so much 
• The 7 layers of guilt trip I put through myself because I had a few cigs, the crap I ate, how much wine I drank and because I did not work out.
• Toddler
• Gross I know TMI but I live in the bathroom because of all the crap I ate the day after, my body is not used to it
• Caring to much on how the drunk pictures look because god forbid you look like shit when they are posted on FB
• The smell of someone having a shot of tequila near you{hubby} is enough to make you want to hurl 
• Just friggin feeling T-I-R-E-D 

Today I will be catching up on paper work, getting the menu/organizing the rest of the week and hanging out with GG. Having some work done to the house so their will be some hammering here in about an hour...yeah....Have a happy Monday!

WTF Friday...

well it has been a couple weeks since my last WTF Friday and for that I am sorry but I am going back and forth if I want to continue this lovely weekly or lately bi weekly thingy. I am getting some good feed back but not enough to keep this going every week.  So what do you think keep or let it go? 

• WTF is up with these new daisy dukes now I am not bashing my fellow chica's that can rock them however when you spend most of your time picking your ass because your "shorts" have now become denim underwear the damn things are too  short. BTW some of the people wearing this awful trend should not be wearing it get my drift. 

• And while we are on the subject...Lycra is a privilege NOT a right. Can you tell that I attended  a local fair this past weekend. Some of the shit that people leave the house in scares the crap out of me. Just because it is hot does not mean I want to see all your goodies and no offense their are some people that need to keep their goodies on the totally clothed. People...mirrors please. 
• OK I think I am blessed with the damn I am one clumsy ass bitch gene.  For the 3rd week in a row I have dropped something in the grocery store parking lot...the item of choice this week whole six pack of diet Snapple....DAMN last week it was a gallon of milk
• Welcome back Katie we have missed you so glad that the mother ship finally dropped you off...no Armani and Hermes is worth not living your own life and thinking with your own brain. WTF took you so long?

• WTF people can you please leave poor Jessica Simpson the f8ck alone. The poor woman just had a damn baby....and who says that you need to lose the baby weight right away. Not all women are like that freak Victoria Beckham and Bethany Frankel. It takes time to lose the damn baby weight. She is doing the most important thing and that s bonding and taking care of her baby. Get off her damn back you vultures. 

• Duhhhhh their goes my last remaining brain cells for the week -  Teresa from RHONJ {shocker}. "I don't know if Jacqueline is crazy if Jacqueline is psycho. She is like Heckyll and Jyde." Help me .....*banging head on table*

Ahhhh duhhhhh

• OK I am now convinced that some mommies have gone completely insane who the hell does shit like this.  Mom is AZ accused of giving her 2 year beer in a sippy cup.....ThAnKs MoM you are so cooool. 

• I would love to know where the f8ck these people get money for this much plastic surgery. I mean this  has become such a phenomena everyone seems to be getting something done. What amazes me is that some of these folks do not have enough money to pay their bills yet they have money for boobs. Unreal.  Boobies

TaDa mother of the year.....

• Yo why is it when I am always in a super rush my ass gets every single damn red light. 
• WTF people it is called D-E-O-D-E-R-A-N-T get it....this is for the patchouli oil wearing hippy in front of me who smelled like a dirty onion it was awful....dude they make organic non toxic deodorant try it or hey  about you take a damn shower.