This is typically a very.......

bad week for me...The week before Valentines Day is no longer about a silly Hallmark holiday and getting super great yearly flowers from my amazing husband. To me this week will forever be the week I saw my mother suffer and pass away from the BIG bitch C.... It will be 5 years but it only seems like yesterday. I sometimes still hear her tell me that wine will make me gain weight and why don't I ever wear a dress instead of my used to be staple of black leather pants and boots. My mother and I had a very big hate and love relationship - as most Italian daughters have with their mothers. I was not the cherished boy and I was not like her. I said black she said white their was never a grey area. During this time my anxiety is through the roof, I stress myself out so much that my neck hurts, I sleep like shit {which I cannot do since I become uber bitch when I don't get my usual 9 hours}and my head is in the clouds  - but I do believe that just pouring my heart to you all it might be a bit of an easier week for me...no?

I try not to watch anything with the c word in it and I really try not to watch anything regarding mothers and daughters...so Bravo crap TV will be getting an extra work out this week - HELLO VanderPump Rules.....Not going to lie I an a bit sad and not my usual get up and go energy gal. I feel like I am in slow motion I know once this week is over I will be back to my normal old self. I am also debating if I want to go back to were she is laid to rest which is something I have not done since her funeral I just don't like to think of her there and would rather think of her energy around me at all times...My mom loved hummingbirds.  Anytime I see a hummingbird I know that - that is my mom. and the really cool part is anytime we have all been together in my brothers dads or my backyard - A hummingbird has made an appearance and we know for sure that this is her checking in on us. We always say when we see one - OH there she is - mom just made a visit!

I do hate that she was taken from us to young - I hate that fact that she had to suffer when their are so many evil people in the world that should. I hate that my beautiful child will never get to know what an amazing person her grandmother was I hate that she is no longer here.I tell me friends don't take for granted the time you could be spending with your mom because one day they will not be here anymore.  I know that we have a beautiful guardian angel above that is watching out for our family and keeping us safe. That makes these days a little easier.

Mom I love you and miss you always......